To make awful demands of DH

[jonesonscam]

DH likes to stuff all my clothes in my drawer in a mildly aggressive manner as he doesn’t like that I sometimes leave small piles of folded clothes on top of my chest of drawers. This evening I brought my laundry up, had a shower, got my pjs on and DH came up in a huff, saw my unhung/sorted pile of laundry and started stuffing it into drawers - think drawers with clothes spilling out of the top, rolled into balls etc. I said, calmly and not unkindly ‘I haven’t got around to hanging them yet, please can you not stuff them in like that as you crease them and sometimes rip them?’

This was, apparently, V V U. ‘God I can’t do anything right today CAN I?!’ husband huffs, alluding I assume to a conversation this morning where I asked him if he could turn off his reading light after midnight in future because he had it on until 2am last night and I couldn’t get off to sleep properly (I did ask at the time and was told ‘yes I am just finishing this book’).

That too, was apparently V V U.

I 100% believe in rejection sensitivity dysphoria as a thing but this is just effing ridiculous. I feel like I can’t say ‘What the hell DH?!’ because that will make him even WORSE.

It’s a crock of shit apparently- I’ve never heard of it either, but I reckon my sister will have it given half the chance. I’m off to prof google

Your sleep is not more important than the other person you are sharing a bed with. You are being very unreasonable.

Have we got the same sister? 😂

He’s purposely shining the light in your face because he’s being passive aggressive.

Buy an eye mask.
Build a clothes pile that resembles The Leaning Tower of Pisa on your drawers.
Get a bin bag, stuff it with his clothes on the bathroom floor and hide it in the garage. When he asks where his clothes are say you’ve no idea.

Get a free half hour appointment with a solicitor.

But the other persons sleep is? Honestly some weird takes here.
For context my husband likes to go to bed together, he has sleep apnea and snores like a warthog, so I often struggle to fall asleep, our compromise is I wear headphones and read whilst he cosplays darth vader, we both have eye masks in case the small light is annoying if one of us can't sleep and choses to read.
We both work different hours, both of our sleep is important but we have different sleep cycles, different work hours and like to go to bed together, most mornings DH gets up, starts work for a couple of hours, then brings me a coffee, sits on the end of the bed and asks me to tell him what's going on in my book.

He also puts all the clothes away.

If I'd had to share a bedroom with my husband for the last 55 years there's no chance we'd still be married. After 30 years we moved to a house that gave us two bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms, which is perfection! However, my DH has always known better than to touch my clothing or possessions and neither of us would have been so selfish as to read until 2am.

Is your DH a dick in other areas too OP? I have a feeling he might be and that this could be an LTB situation.

That works for both of you though.

Yeah because we both talk about it and come up with solutions that suit us, many people here are appalled at the suggestion of an eye mask because why should they have to wear one. I don't get the vitriol about it being selfish to want to read in bed, but not selfish to refuse to accommodate both parties.

my husband likes to go to bed together, he has sleep apnea and snores like a warthog, so I often struggle to fall asleep, our compromise is I wear headphones and read whilst he cosplays darth vader,

You shouldn't have to compromise on this. He can't dictate when you go to bed, ffs, especially when he's loud and it makes it harder for you to go to sleep. He knows you aren't sleeping so he's basically dictating where you have to be while you read and spoiling your own bedtime and sleep.

I would say the need to sleep trumps the need to read bith psychologically and physically

This was in reply to being told I have main character energy for reading in bed late because the other persons sleep is more important and I should go somewhere else because it's horrifically selfish.
Maybe I didn't choose my words properly, but the going to bed together isn't a demand put on me, it's just something we like to do because of our different hours, there are often nights where I stay up until the early hours in the studio and go to bed when he wakes up.

no! Im frightened I might self diagnose myself with it!

Yea, this!

my usual question really. What exactly does he bring to the party? perhaps he's a great Dad?

You obviously havent been on this forum very long then, virtually every thread about violent children is peppered with RSD excuses.

But you initially said he liked to do it, so this was a compromise. Now it's suddenly something you want to do as well? (It wasn't even a compromise, it was what he wanted and hang your need for sleep or whether you might want to read somewhere else while he snores and hacks so you can't drop off.)

Pretty obvious the first story was the correct one, but there do seem to be a lot of men who think their wives are human teddy bears.

Okay, so that needed to be in the main post. That alters the dynamic completely. He might be on the spectrum. I struggle with things not being how I need them to be. Your own mess isn't a 'mess' (well the one you described is!) because it's often a 'system' that makes sense in your own head. Like placing dirty stuff for washing on the floor in a certain location is fine but leaving clean clothes out, isn't. I probably have that same system but I use a laundry basket, not the floor.

He rips your clothes? I am very lazy and have lots of clothes and overflowing drawers so I jam mine in and I’ve never torn anything. How is he doing that - and why isn’t he horrified that he’s ruined something? I think he must be tearing them first and then shoving them in a drawer, and that’s a level of mean I really would LTB for, as it’s aggressive, wasteful and downright nasty.

Have you asked him why he feels the need to put your clothes in drawers for you?

He’s better than he was but DH will say “I can’t do anything right” & I get bloody annoyed with it! We’re not talking about everything, just one thing!

That's so selfish of him and would drive me mad.

If he won't get a backlit Kindle, look up "reading lights for books in bed" on Amazon. There are so many options!

Good luck OP

Really?

Why do his reading needs trump her sleeping needs up to 2am?

If they're delicate fabrics (and even if they're not) then they can tear pretty easily, especially along seams, and especially if being deliberately manhandled by someone strong (she said he scrunches things up into balls). That kind of handling can also mean they catch on the drawer or any loose bits of wood, especially if there's a trailing thread.

At any rate it's nasty behaviour. Clean clothes, folded, on top of a chest of drawers, are not an eyesore and even if they were, you don't treat the belongings of someone you love like that.

He likes to go to bed together, I also like to try and snap his neck with my thighs, I also very much like to read until stupid o'clock in a comfy bed, so we compromise around reading lights, sleep schedules etc.

From what I'm learning from my short stint on mumsnet is many of us are putting up with absolute man children, which leads to a lot of "why should I?" My original comment was along the lines of my DH could go sleep on the sofa if he didn't want me reading in bed, that wasn't okay apparently, but now me saying that if he wants to share a bed he can make adjustments is me being controlled?

I'm so confused. 😂

A bed is mainly used for sleeping. So sleep trumps reading. Reading for a short while is okay but not until 2am, unless reading by a method that doesn’t disturb your partner. Shining a light in their face is not such a method