To make awful demands of DH

[jonesonscam]

DH likes to stuff all my clothes in my drawer in a mildly aggressive manner as he doesn’t like that I sometimes leave small piles of folded clothes on top of my chest of drawers. This evening I brought my laundry up, had a shower, got my pjs on and DH came up in a huff, saw my unhung/sorted pile of laundry and started stuffing it into drawers - think drawers with clothes spilling out of the top, rolled into balls etc. I said, calmly and not unkindly ‘I haven’t got around to hanging them yet, please can you not stuff them in like that as you crease them and sometimes rip them?’

This was, apparently, V V U. ‘God I can’t do anything right today CAN I?!’ husband huffs, alluding I assume to a conversation this morning where I asked him if he could turn off his reading light after midnight in future because he had it on until 2am last night and I couldn’t get off to sleep properly (I did ask at the time and was told ‘yes I am just finishing this book’).

That too, was apparently V V U.

I 100% believe in rejection sensitivity dysphoria as a thing but this is just effing ridiculous. I feel like I can’t say ‘What the hell DH?!’ because that will make him even WORSE.

But he leaves his stuff lying around in the bathroom, but hypocritical if he tidies away (badly) OP’s stuff but leaves his stuff lying around

Ok, so obviously your DH likes a tidy room and you are not fussed

Or the fact that your wardrobes and drawers are stuffed full already means putting clothes away is daunting for you?

That I get, I lived out of the laundry basket for years, not stuffing my clothes away where there was no room cos the space was filled with clothes that no longer fitted

Then one day I pulled on my extremely big knickers and dived in

Took me two days, and two bin bags for ragging and 4 for charity and 3 vac packed bags of clothes I wasnt sure were for either way

I also learned how to fold

Two days, and now I can get my clothes ironed and or folded and put away , no creases , no over flowing

That was 3 years ago, my drawers are organised and I just tuck clean knickers, socks , tees, leggings, jeans - all rolled or folded in and my wardrobe - clothes have room , I can see what I have

So yes your DH is being a pain, but at the same time, clear the decks and it's one less argument?

BTW Dh's shed is a frigging death trap - I refuse to even open the door - that shit is down to him

Just coming on to say: DH and i both have backlit kindles - a gamechanger for reading in bed. Which we both do.

Kindle is the answer for reading.

@suki1964 did you miss the bit where DH dumps a pile of his stuff in the bathroom

Nope, and did you miss the bit where I said he likes a clean bedroom and as does my DH and yet Dh's shed you would take your life in your hands to enter

We all have our wee foibles , My dh, not counting the shed, will empty the first aid box all over the bathroom looking his "thing". But because hes not living in it, doesnt see it - same as his shed .

Rooms we live in, he will be picking up with his fingers any bit of fluff walked in . He won't notice a skid mark on a toilet, but a crumb on a sofa?

Dont jump on someone for one side of a story .

So if he likes a tidy bedroom why does he not put the clothes away tidily?

Some stuff I read on here makes me wonder why people live with each other when they clearly hate the company.

You have to tell him if he wants to put your stuff away, he needs to do that properly. You, yourself, need to put stuff away as soon as you brought it up. Having piles of clothes everywhere is annoying. But the way he does it seems clearly deliberate to ruin your stuff - like, you say he puts it away in a way it gets ripped? WTF?

He cant have a light on in a shared bed at 2am. Its unconsidered and borderline sadistic. If he doesn't understand, I would be up at 5 and wake him up. Sleep deprivation is a torture.

Get your own house.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, I get it. My partner flies off the handle for any little perceived criticism and nastily retorts something piffling I've done. Eg I ask him not to get up when we are eating to feed the cat a bit of something off his plate or could he remember to switch the shower room light off when he's finished and not leave his dirty pants on the floor. He will storm upstairs and if I try to reason with him sticks his fingers in his ears and goes la la la. For fucks sake he's 62 years old. The last time I told him that's a massive over reaction and left him stewing in his own juices.

I have compiled a "things that you do that piss me off list". One day he's going to get it.

Sorry OP I wouldn’t be sharing a bed or a life with this prick who seemed to hate me.

I’m gobsmacked people would put up with a selfish petulant arsehole. Come on ladies.

Try writing a couple of signs....

Please leave my clothes for me. - Sit it on dresser and pop onto clothes.

Dearest, turn the light off by 11:00 pm. - Directly after stating that you find the light too bright to sleep, ask DH to stop reading soon and pull out sign from under your pillow and place it on the bed.

Husband might respond better to written reminder.

Yeah you can after midnight. If you are sharing a bed with someone you both need to make reasonable adjustments.

It’s the huffing and “I can’t do anything right” that is the problem, way more than lights or clothes.

It trains you not to bring issues up because if his reaction, it starts to seem like it’s not worth it or you have to brace yourself first even for small issues. It’s emotionally immature and can even be part of an abusive pattern. Is he sulky and reactive generally, and are you careful of your tone when you need to bring something up?

He isn’t behaving as if he likes you very much, and that is tiring to be on the receiving end of in your own home. The light is inconsiderate and shows that he sees his desires as being more important then yours, and the crumpling clothes up is just mean - if the folded clothes really distress him then he could just put them in a drawer nicely, it takes the same amount of time and is kinder.

This. If you are awake and want to read then do it somewhere other than the bedroom where someone is trying to sleep.

So because you can't sleep, your husband's sleep is disturbed too?

Exceptionally selfish.

Go downstairs / into the living room and read there.

DH has insomnia and tosses, turns, moans, sighs, huffs and puffs until I lose my shit with him. He now fucks off to huff and puff somewhere else.

Ripping your clothes strongly suggests abuse OP. Shining a light on you when he knows you're trying to sleep ditto. Throwing a tantrum if you calmly and politely ask him to not rip your clothes, ditto.

Have you read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft? You - and everyone else with a similar-behaving DH - can read it as a free pdf on the Internet.

Can't believe how many people seem to think OP's behaviour is the problem here.

I 100% believe in rejection sensitivity dysphoria as a thing ICD-11 and DSM-V do not. Well, not as a standalone issue. Does your DH have an ADHD diagnosis and is he medicated for it?

Of course she can if he’s keeping the light on and she can’t sleep because of it! If he wants to read he needs to go elsewhere, not keep his wife awake until 2am!! What fuckery is this?? 🤯 🤦‍♀️

Well aren’t you a selfish fucker? How about YOU go and READ on the sofa…and let the person who wants to sleep…in the place where sleep was intended…actually sleep!!

FFS what is with the selfish fucks today? 🤦‍♀️

Bed is for sleeping. If you want to read f*ck off elsewhere

Does he actually like you?

Who picks up the dirty clothes he leaves on the floor?

LTB

Seriously, I mean that. He doesn’t like you. He’s being passive aggressive. You cannot live with someone like this and there is no way that this is the only thing he does that is hostile to you. I repeat, he does not like you. I’ve been there.

Why are you with him? He sounds abusive, or at least a GF for stuffing all your clean washing into the bedroom drawers and deliberately leaving his bedside light outwards for maximum disturbance to you

Google it

I agree that he sounds awful. My ex could never accept that he was doing anything wrong, and he always did exactly what HE wanted to do and everyone else could go hang. Strangely enough, he had no friends and everyone at his work hated him. The solution for me was divorce. What is your financial and housing situation, OP?