What's something that men think is impressive, but really isn't?

[worldshottestmom]

Beep beep, come on traffic

Speaking of traffic, mine is when men (or boys, rather) rev their bloody engines on their cars that sound like they're about to explode. No, please, don't speed off, open the boot to your clapped out Corsa, I want to get in.

Also since going back to the gym, forgot how awful the men are there for showing off. There's this one in particular at my gym and idk if he's just mentally deranged or what but anytime he does any exercise he roars like a buffoon and I feel my vagina drying up a little more each time. It is so unnecessary. He will be easing his way through bicep curls, pretty much screaming and grunting for each one. Also has a horrifically embarassing habit of punching his chest, twice, every so often.

Give me your opinions and stories; what is something that men do that they think is impressive, but really, really isn't...

make my Saturday evening ✨

Catching fish.
I love Gone Fishing with Bob Mortimer Paul Whitehouse but ffs why do men use photos of themselves with a big gasping fish as their profile pictures on OLD?

Honestly this is such a common complaint that I think we should genuinely all just start clapping for them. Get sticker charts. Get them cheap gold medals from Tesco. Go all out

Clapping for your flawless clap back. Actually laughing imagining this scenario. I would have just held a middle finger up the entire time he was waving me into the spot. What an utter wanker

Men holding dying/dead fish will never be a turn on and idk wtf they're thinking using them as PPs on dating profiles. I can use a fishing rod!!!! OK but can you hunt a lion? Can you kill a bear with your bare hands? Go do that and come back to me

See also ‘proverb’ ones written in Celtic /Hebrew/Sanscrit or Chinese etc when said written form bears no relation at all
to any aspect of the man’s life lol

Or when they tell you
the ‘meaning’ behind each tattoo including the ones that represent their kids (usually protector lion related)kids they never/are not allowed to see !

"Oh god that was dh and his mums/nans famous pasta sauce."

Yep definitely recognise this although your DH does get half a point for crediting women with the recipe. The ones I have known have claimed it was "their" famous whatever. I had a brief thing with a nice chap who told me about four times in the space of a holiday fling about his famous chocolate cake that all his old flatmates used to race about apparently. He made it and presented it with that theatrical flourish and expectant look that they do. It was a perfectly serviceable basic chocolate cake. My mum's was nicer.
The best cakes I have had have been made by a couple of the female cattle vets that I work with, and when I remark on the amazingness they're always quick to say, oh thanks- it's a Mary Berry / Sally's Baking Addiction recipe and pretty easy to follow, I'll whatsapp you

There is nothing that produces more Toe curling /face clawing /teeth itching cringe/ minge inversion than a man strumming a guitar (badly) singing (badly) let it be/wonderwall/blowing in the wind at the end of a party
shudder …

Damn it, I came on to say this and thought I was being original.

WHY THE SPLASHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?! No swimming teacher in the land teaches you to do front crawl like that! Where on EARTH did you get the idea that splashing is an essential element of it?

Maybe we should have clapped for them instead of the NHS during COVID, surely they were the real heroes working whilst home-schooling the kids,.. oh wait...

Oh God, oh God, the ex's sad Christmas dinner! It was trailed for months...."I'm going to have to cook you Christmas Dinner with my famous roast potatoes, I'm so good at them" etc etc.

On Christmas day I made nut roast (from scratch), bread sauce (from scratch), stuffing, braised red cabbage (from scratch), cauliflower cheese (from scratch), red wine gravy (from scratch), sautéed sprouts with chestnuts, roast potatoes and parsnips, Christmas pudding (from Lidl) and home made mince pies for me and the DC.

On Boxing Day I went round XPs and with immense excitement he produced a Quorn roast and Bisto gravy, overcooked carrots and sprouts and the famous roast potatoes, which were....fine. And I had to praise it to the heavens 🙄.

I swear, one of the chief reasons I stopped dating is that I refuse to feign excitement over this kind of mediocre food offering ever again.

A male colleague was boasting at work that his 11 month old son can already swipe to expand the image on a phone and knows how to scroll through photos. Whilst this might demonstrate pretty good hand eye coordination it really isn't very impressive the child has already had that much screen exposure.

On the subject of food- fair enough to like what you like, but it's making a big show of liking
ultra dark chocolate, "Only 85% cocoa? it's far too sweet, I like 98.7% minimum"
Meat cooked rare - loudly declaiming "really blue steak, knock the horns off it, wipe its arse and slap it on the plate" (often said by some dope who would no more dehorn a bullock than fly to the moon)
Or really hot curry (amusingly reversed in the Goodness Gracious Me "Going For An English" sketch).

My dads ‘famous authentic curry’ arghhh
’better than any restaurant’ made with his own ‘spice blend’
Whole thing used to become a Three Act Opera with every pan in the house used, grease everywhere and still ended up tasting of school dinner, tinned tomato and curry powder.
Even the mere suggestion of a (delicious) Indian takeaway would send him into a frenzy as he could make us ‘the real thing’

He does the same now with Paella ( which he insists on pronouncing Pi-edge-er) which is essentially overcooked yellow rice with shrivelled prawns, hard carrots, and grey peas

He expects a standing ovation and fawning praise and sulks when he doesn’t get it.

lol love him lots but what man- child

"Or when they tell you
the ‘meaning’ behind each tattoo including the ones that represent their kids (usually protector lion related)kids they never/are not allowed to see !"

This is for you:
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1023342263813027/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

Having breasts.

The amount of times I’m treated like I’ve achieved some sort of personal victory when really I just… had puberty, and therefore grew boobs.

Little teeny weeny ones are definitely unimpressive though..

Love the wholesome end to this! Coming to realise men are just incapable of modesty. Here's MY chocolate cake that I made from a recipe on BBC Good Foods. Bon appetit!

Oh god yeah if they whip that out im whipping my pepper spray out. Or perhaps my electric fly swatter. Get that wiggly worm away from me

Their penis.

Class lol. X

Miles they've cycled/swam/any activity they've completed really. Funnily enough I can do the same thing and not feel the need to vocalise the distance!

Omg love this comment. All of them apply to my ex. I was a pleb for eating 85% dark chocolate, a woman of no taste!

I like my steak medium rare to medium - no no no. No nutritional value, apparently. REAL steak eaters only eat it blue. 🙄

What do you mean you don't like vindaloo? What a wimp. Might put some hot sauce on mine, it isn't spicy enough. He says as he looks like he's in the most pain he's ever experienced in his life

Any sport/hobby that XH has a go at, apparently, is Super Impressive. At one point it was Running, and he drove quite some distance to run with a particular club, because they thought he was great.

Then he swapped to Hiking, and he wore all the gear and had a water thingy strapped to his back and everyone (women) thought he was great.

Then it was Hyrox, and everyone thought he was great.

What I find impressive is his massive ego and lack of self-awareness.

HAIR

What is it with the "Go on!!" and similar sounds too?! It is like everything needs a dramatic pre announcement.