AIBU? Husband and England football

[mumlearningtorun]

Am i being unreasonable?

my husband has turned around this morning and decided he’s going out to watch the football tonight with his friends, and staying out as it’s quite a long taxi journey to where his friends live, he’s decided to stay at his parents in their spare room as that’s where all his mates still live.

this has been sprung onto me & I have actually been looking forward to watching another game together, it’s been exciting, celebrating together etc

now I’m on my own? I feel a bit disappointed and I’ve now got the ump.

AIBU?

@mumlearningtorun , I don’t get football at all except as a patriot I’d like England to do well. My husband isn’t into dance.
My husband often buys me trips to the ballet as gifts, he comes ballroom dancing with me every week.
The World Cup is only once every four years and it appears many men really enjoy it and particularly enjoy sharing watching it with other men. If we care about someone we need to let them have what they want sometimes even if it doesn’t suit us. Love is a game of give and take which means that sometimes we need to give.

Apologies if you have answered, I know you have been asked a couple of times, but, are the children his, or only yours?

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks if you love your wife maybe you might bother to discuss with her what she would like to do tonight and with some notice

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks why does the World Cup (and let’s face it it actually is a lot of other football matches too) that means many men can take and women have to give with no choice

😘😘

You'd lose your bet. Not sure why you're coming at me? It seems her DH going out is a done deal. I thought inviting people round to watch with her would be a way of making the best of a shit situation.

It just sounds really thoughtless of him to go out without you when you've been watching it together. He's supposed to prioritise you and his kids not his mates.

YANBU OP. He’s made a unilateral decision leaving you with the kids. It’s shitty. What if you had done the same?

Just because he has testicles doesn’t mean he gets first dibs on sports-related nights out.

It’s the lack of notice that makes it shit, so you can’t even make alternative plans, invite a mate over etc

I assume it was a last minute invite from his mates so more notice wasn’t possible?

Did he recognise the impact on you… was it “I know this leaves you on your own with the kids last minute, sorry, but would it be ok?” or was it “I’m off to watch the match at Tom’s and stay over at my parents, will be back tomorrow”. Latter approach I’d be hugely pissed off and would be tempted to leave him with the kids last minute next weekend.

But you said you didn’t think it was unreasonable for DH going out. But he didn’t consider his children or what OP wanted and didn’t give her enough notice so she could organise something

YANBU. Dumping you at the last minute is inconsiderate at best. He’s taking you for granted leaving you with the kids and it seems pretty mean to leave you with a worse night so he can have a better one. Not a team approach at all. If England get through I’d be inclined to make my own plans for the semi-final.

Please explain
Both have kids, both enjoy football, both watching together
Why do his needs trump all?

But that's not the situation here
They both like football

Does he not have young children too?

To be fair, not necessarily, the op has been asked this several times and not answered.

if not, maybe the handful of dickpanderers on this thread who think it’s absolutely fine for men to do whatever they want regardless of impact, are privy to information that we’re not rather than outright misogynists.

They're married and their youngest child is 2. Of course it's possible they're from a previous relationship, but more likely than not they're his DC too and if not, that probably means that's another man who also assumed he's free to watch the football while the OP looks after their DC.

That's because he knows he doesn't have to worry because you'll do all the heavy lifting. Is he normally so inconsiderate?

On this occasion I don't think the children are the issue anyway. OP was looking forward to doing something together and he's chosen, without notice or discussion, to go off and do it elsewhere, with others. I'd be hurt whether or not I was tied to children at home.

@sleepwouldbenice , the husband wants to enjoy the company of other men while watching though on this occasion.

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks and OP would like company of DH and the children need someone to care for them, why does DH’s wants trump theirs (and with no discussion)

This reply is bonkers! WHY do you think what the husband wants to enjoy trumps what the op wants? It is shockingly misogynistic.

and it totally misses the point. A conversation two weeks ago
’i would really like to watch the footie in x town with my mates, it’ll mean leaving at 5, and coming back the next day, is that ok’ is a reasonable convo, and perfectly acceptable as long as the op gets equal ish me time.

is a totally different scenario to announcing in the morning a change of plans from what the op wanted to what he wants and expecting the op to be fine with it.

every single person on this thread who thinks what he did is fine, I think there’s been about 4, is a misogynist, whether they realise it or not. You put making a man happy above a women and genuinely think that’s fine.

I'll have to ask my husband if he would have preferred watching it last night if I had a penis attached.

Perhaps I should give him back my ticket for Anfield in August and see if he wants to take A Man instead?

@ConverselyAttired so jealous of you going to Anfield and I don’t have a penis either. It’s on my bucket list, Anfield not a penis 😂

Hahaha! I've been a few times but obviously getting league tickets is like trying to get into a Taylor Swift gig so it's usually cups or friendlies. I did enjoy watching us beat Spurs 4-2 in Klopp's second to last game.

@ConverselyAttired the person with a penis in this house is a Spurs fan (having a penis evidently doesn’t mean you choose your football club wisely)