AIBU to think my seven-year-old granddaughter’s schedule is too full?

[Franciey]

Afternoon all, generally speaking as a grandmother I have maintained an approach of never commenting on how my children parent, I’ve always known if I thought it were actually abusive or dangerous I would speak up but In 14 years of being a grandmother that has never happened.

One of my daughters has one child, a lovely 7 year old girl, they don’t live in the uk.
My granddaughter will be 8 in August before school goes back in mid-September here.
We are over visiting for a few weeks and my daughter has been proudly taking me to collect all the things her daughter will need for the next school year.
In conversation I’ve realised, my granddaughter rarely has time to just play.

For example from September her schedule will include, a pre-vocational school for one of her hobbies that is 2 hours (6pm-8pm) 3 nights a week and 2 hours on a Saturday. Tennis lessons (apparently must be private due to scheduling, on the other two nights from 7-8pm). School here finishes at 4pm after which her nanny/governess is expected to have her home, get her a snack, do school homework and English lessons before taking her to the other activities. Dinner doesn’t seem to be until 8.30 most nights if not later, and in the morning she is expected to fit in piano practice before school!
This seems completely stifling and far too much for a small child, would I be unreasonable to mention to my daughter that maybe something like tennis or piano don’t have to happen unless granddaughter really wants to? When will we ever just have time to play? Or relax? Or be bored?

Like a PP I also grew up in (south) Eastern Europe, and this sort of schedule sounds absolutely fine to me too.

It’s not what you’re used to, OP, but it’s totally normal for the environment she’s in.

Doesn’t see much of her parents as well as not having time to play. Does she have any unstructured time with friends?

What happens at the weekend?

I agree and feel the same.

Sometimes this topic comes up with DH and we both think that his parents not ever pushing him to do anything (they were big hippy types and believe that every time should be free time) is a huge reason as to why he lacks confidence in many aspects of life.

Recently he started to become interested in playing tennis but as he's never really done any sports before he feels like it's too late for him to start now so he's back to video games!

It’s bonkers (not least having dinner at 8:30, she must go to bed pretty soon after that?) but you won’t get anywhere telling her mum that unfortunately

Im thinking its none of your business, and if you try to make it yours by commenting or interfering, you stand a very big chance of alienating the family and being branded as meddling or critical. The best you can do, is advocate for granny time, and then make that time with her open and unstructured (if you so desperately think this is what she needs and wants). Otherwise, butt out. Its natural for kids to weed out and focus on the activities they really want to do as time goes on. It will naturally peter out....or maybe she is one of those kids who love being busy and wants to try lots of different things, In any case, youve had your chance to raise your kids, leave them to raise theirs as best they think. Im assuming they dont deliberately want to burn their kid out or actually harm them, they are doing what they think is right.

It really depends on the child. If they are struggling they might need more downtime.

My DD is 7 and does practises two musical instruments each morning. She has a two hour gym session once a week then also has tennis & swimming lessons but these are quite relaxed. She loves it - shes very active and 100% chooses this. She finds school fairly easy academically and is generally confident etc so isn expending energy on school struggles or anxiousness etc the way some children might.

DD does dance. Some kids as young as 5 do 6 days a week, 8 different lesson types / competition classes and do the competition circuit (often missing school), and performance troupe. Add community dance theatre shows, sometimes in the capital 2 hours drive away for weeks of rehearsals/shows. Parents often get dinner delivered to the studio. Some kids then do swimming lessons at school at 6am, gymnastics etc.

I don't understand it, personally, and marvel at how some kids & especially the parents manage it. They seem to thrive.

DD does three afternoons, two dance types. That's enough for her & me!