AIBU to think my seven-year-old granddaughter’s schedule is too full?

[Franciey]

Afternoon all, generally speaking as a grandmother I have maintained an approach of never commenting on how my children parent, I’ve always known if I thought it were actually abusive or dangerous I would speak up but In 14 years of being a grandmother that has never happened.

One of my daughters has one child, a lovely 7 year old girl, they don’t live in the uk.
My granddaughter will be 8 in August before school goes back in mid-September here.
We are over visiting for a few weeks and my daughter has been proudly taking me to collect all the things her daughter will need for the next school year.
In conversation I’ve realised, my granddaughter rarely has time to just play.

For example from September her schedule will include, a pre-vocational school for one of her hobbies that is 2 hours (6pm-8pm) 3 nights a week and 2 hours on a Saturday. Tennis lessons (apparently must be private due to scheduling, on the other two nights from 7-8pm). School here finishes at 4pm after which her nanny/governess is expected to have her home, get her a snack, do school homework and English lessons before taking her to the other activities. Dinner doesn’t seem to be until 8.30 most nights if not later, and in the morning she is expected to fit in piano practice before school!
This seems completely stifling and far too much for a small child, would I be unreasonable to mention to my daughter that maybe something like tennis or piano don’t have to happen unless granddaughter really wants to? When will we ever just have time to play? Or relax? Or be bored?

Im from Eastern Europe and this kind of schedule was a norm at 1997-2000. I had piano lessons for 2-3 hrs 3days a week + after school sewing club 1,5hrs twice a week.

You absolutely stay out of it. Not your child, not your choice.

Ballet and tennis don't really mix, do they? Besides, she could get injured falling over while playing tennis, and a knee or ankle injury could seriously set back her dance training and future ambitions.

When kids are dedicated to (and have a natural talent for) one physical activity, it makes sense to avoid doing another activity that could cause them to be injured and prevent them from doing the other one.

I really wouldn’t say anything, mine does about 7 hours and that enough for us BUT if she was passionate about a sport etc I would expect to be doing a lot more hours for competitions/performances. Her parents are probably trying to make sure that ballet isn’t the only thing she does but they are trying to help support her in her ambitions whilst not letting their DD get tunnel vision about it, it looks like a lot but some kids are very high energy and enjoy being in a directed activity.

Not at 7.

at that age multi sports are the best way to develop a kids talents. It’s now an established talent pathway in most sports- lower hours but more sports until much older when bodies are able to withstand specific training.

hothousing and focussing on one thing at such a young age will just lead to injury and burnout.

like pp has said even ballet develops later. Royal ballet will take talented children with no prior ballet training until much later than you’d think (11 ish?)

at 7 spraining an ankle playing tennis is much less of an issue than getting an overuse injury by only dancing.

That is not necessarily the case, especially when (as in this case) the child has little interest in tennis anyway, and has now been accepted onto an elite ballet programme. Ballet is a performing art, not a competitive sport, so you can't lump it in with the catch-all multi sports thing.

Speaking as the parent of a professional ballet dancer, I do have some experience, you might say.

Just enjoy your time together, say absolutely nothing unless asked for your opinion.

Presumably this is largely because they need all those hours of childcare. “Just playing” at that age requires .not having 2 parents in FT work - something barely anyone can afford now.

Hold on, so she finishes school at 4

has a 2 hour club every evening
and the weekend

and you think it's too much? 😂You are being completely ridiculous, sorry.
that's the schedule of most kids I know? They tend to have clubs often starting earlier, but some of the clubs are around 7 or 8pm too

That's more than enough time to play
and what you seem to miss is that the clubs ARE part of the "relaxing" time.

Some adults dance, run, swim..or play tennis as their chance to relax. What make you think kids can't do?

And about being bored.. don't worry, she has plenty of time to be bored.

Dinner doesn’t seem to be until 8.30 most nights if not later
Perfectly normal, only in England are SOME parents obsessed with feeding their kids diner at 5pm and put them to bed by 6pm.

It isn't what I'd choose, but it doesn't cross the bar I to being abusive so I wouldn't say anything.

If she starts to struggle her dm will presumably notice and make alterations to the schedule.

I think there's a benefit in not totally investing in one hobby, especially one like ballet where the wrong body shape can ruin your chances no matter how hard you work at it.

I have worked in international schools in Europe for more than a decade and this is a very normal schedule for most kids that age.

I did a similar amount of hours of extra-curricular growing up, and my parents made me choose between music and dance at age 12 because I couldn’t sustain it going into secondary school. I chose music and ended up as a music teacher and professional musician. I am so grateful for every hour and dollar my parents spent on my music education.

If she loves ballet then they should let her do it. We have had several professional dancers at my international school over the past 7 years, and they have all managed brilliantly to balance their studies and dancing.

As long as the child enjoys it I don’t see the problem. It would be a problem if she was being forced, but she’s not.

Its become really fashionable at the moment for people to extoll the virtues of unstructured play, free play and “boredom” you see it endlessly on here, but honestly I think this is all massively oversold.

As someone who was dying to do stuff like this as a child and whose parents basically couldn’t be arsed, I would have loved more structured activities.

So many kids exit their teens with no structure at all and seem incapable of managing a schedule, I think a bit of structure and discipline (provided it’s welcomed by the child) is a net positive.

If she doesn't enjoy or progress in bloody tennis it will soon become apparent.

Her mum wants her to like tennis. We'll see.

Don't say anything...they didn't ask.

It’s not just that though, the schedule is supposed to be

Wake up 6.45 for the nanny arriving at 7.15, shower, eat ready for school, piano for 15-25 minutes until it’s time to leave for school

School 8-4
Home, 30 min of school homework, 30 min of English lessons, snack.

By then they need to leave and drive to ballet, the, nanny drops her off, my DD picks her up at 8, home dinner, reading, bed. There is no time for play.

On the tennis days an hour is gained back by tennis only being 7-8, but that’s 2 hours of play in a whole 5 days!

so what? If she's happy?
Why this obsession with "playing" if she's enjoying ballet/ tennis?

Would you say the same for a boy playing football in a club instead of playing football in the garden?

She's got the weekends, she's not wasting time on screens like so many children, she seem to be going to bed early because she still needs sleep.

She might not be able to keep going if the homework start becoming more heavy as she grows up, but for now?

Sounds like a healthy schedule for a kid? As a parent, I would add some swimming lesson at least once a week in there, because I think that's important.

Girls seem to love horse riding (more than boys), so I would also suggest some trial riding at the weekend, but that aside? It's fine?

My own kids were just as busy, were probably sent to bed a bit earlier so they read more (they finish at 3 here, so clubs earlier) but weekdays wasn't really time to play.

This sounds a very busy schedule. However I am not sure that saying anything will help as her parents must be away.

It is something I am aware of even though my DD is a lot younger. She does Ballet and swimming but is asking to add gymnastics and football. I am considering it but want at least 1 weekend day free for family days and preferably only every other night in the week.

Tennis improves hand/eye co-ordination and keeps her fit. It is proven that learning a musical instrument inproves focus and concentration
Would you prefer her to be on screens all the time
When my daughter was younger she was busy everynight; different types of dancing, performing arts, swimming - when ever she wanted to do something new she was get upset she would have to give up something else - she loved it
I'm team parent

I advice to visit with an open mind and enjoy the time spend together. See if your granddaughter seems content and energetic. Is she able to speak her mind or does she appear timid and unable to express her opinion? If all looks well, leave them to work it out together. Your granddaughter will protest at some point if she’s wanting to quit tennis or piano.
Your daughter will know her child and you need to trust she will keep her daughters best interest at heart.

I lived abroad in Europe for a few years, and for some of that time I taught children - it absolutely was the norm for well-off kids.
Though they mostly looked like they needed a damn good sleep, most seemed to thrive on it. It was just the way things were done, and there was (for them) nothing unusual about it.

I sounded a bit harsh when I didn't mean to be

but put it another way, 2 hours of physical activity a day? it should be the minimum for anyone, child or adult, it really is not that much if you think about it.

Even if they walk to school, it's not a lot. We are not designed to be that sedentary. It's giving your grand-daughter a lifetime habit of being active hopefully, and a good work ethic. It sounds great.

And parents over here bleat that the kids start school too young 🙄

Don’t worry about it. They have it covered just like you did when you were a parent.

WOW.. it seems far too much to me (as an oldie.)
I liked my kids to be bored. They use their imaginations more, find other local kids to do things with, etc..

I was fairly certain it was going to turn out to be ballet- if you are going to dance to a good level, you do have to put the time in so it’s fairly normal for a promising child to dance about 3 times a week. I’m a middle aged, very poor ballet dancer and I still train 2-3 times a week, for example. It sounds like the tennis is precisely to give her another interest, which is what you’re complaining she needs? Ballet isn’t like horse riding or golf - there’s a relatively short shelf life to do it at a high level. If it’s what she loves then she should do it while she can.

If this were my grandchild I would gently voice a concern, kids do need down time and they have the right to play.