AIBU to feel hurt my cousin hid booking her long hoped for trip?

[Asvan]

Hi all,

Need some advice please.

I have a cousin who I am extremely close to. Neither of us have a sister so we have always been close and generally share everything with each other. We see each other once or twice a week and our kids are also very close. Ive know her all my life and we are both in our 40s.

My cousin has had a lot going on in her life- marriage problems, financial problems etc and i have always helped her and been there for her. She relies on me more emotionally than I do on her.

A few months ago she started talking to me about a trip that shes been wanting to go on her whole life. Ive been on this trip twice before and so she asked me lots of questions and I gave her advice. She was planning to go with her mum and its the first holiday either of them have been on in 10 years. I was so happy that she was finally planning to go somewhere.

Anyway over the last month or so ive noticed that shes not been messaging me or popping over as much and whenever I try to arrange to see her she has been making excuses. Ive asked her if everything's ok and she says yes.

Last Wednesday I saw her at an event in school where we did sit together and talked to each other like normal but I still felt like she was hiding something from me. Later on in the day I saw her mum who told me that they had booked the trip a few weeks ago and they were so excited.

I felt hurt that my friend still hasn't told me about the trip and I feel like she is trying to hide it from me. I feel a bit used because she always comes to me with her problems but didnt tell me her good news. For context I generally travel more than her and she is usually always the first to know if I am going somewhere.

AiBU to be hurt about this? Should I say something or leave it. I feel like she is avoiding me so that she doesn't have to tell me her good news and that doesn't feel nice at all.

You feel used because she does use you. You are her sounding board, the one who buys her coffees and commiserates over her hard life. She doesn’t want the narrative to change.

You really need to think about what you are getting out of this.

Quite understandably, IMO. I'd withdraw a bit now, @Asvan

Being so deeply upset because someone hasn't told you they've booked a holiday is way too much.

I avoid talking about holidays with people who have been to the same place because I like to just discover things for myself and rarely want all the insight people feel compelled to share.

Agree. People say some wierd shit on here!

Are you feeling a bit like a foul weather friend Op? Always there for support but never get to share her good news, I can understand why you'd be a bit miffed

Exactly this. And like I said in an earlier post she has done this a few times in the past and im just feeling a bit used.

Let the woman live her life as she wishes.
Stop this needy behaviour @Asvan .

And yet it’s within your power to change.

She's not being needy, just being perfectly reasonable wondering why her cousin is being weirdly evasive

Whatever happened to communication?? Just tell her you know and that you're happy for her. No need to be nasty about it, just be plain and open. For heaven sake, has the world gone crazy?

I would just casually message her and say something like. “I’ve just heard about your trip from your mum. It sounds fantastic. I am so happy for you. You will have such a fantastic time and I can’t wait to hear about it. Lots of love xx”

Except, the OP would be telling her she'll have a fantastic time, again, as though she knows more than the cousin.
My older sister has a habit of speaking to us as though she is the oracle on all things. Yes, she's travelled more than us, but she's a completely different person and we don't want her input, to the extent she wants to give it, or ongoing opinion.
OP, really think about what your reaction has been when she has said she's going to do something you've done. My middle DD has really had to kick back and remind my eldest that she is now a full adult. Perhaps you piss on her chips a bit? You might have slipped into older sister mode, but because you aren't a older sister, you now just want to cut her off, because she isn't dancing to your tune. Do you enjoy playing saviour? Before you contact her, think what you want your relationship to be, don't let her dump on you, she has a Mum and start again with what you want. Acknowledge her booking the holiday. Siblings sometimes have to reevaluate relationships, as they go into full adulthood.

Something similar happened me before, I imagine what happened is that you well-meaningly suggested a specific way to do the trip, or destinations/tours to include and she didnt book it as she didnt consider it as interesting as you did and is worried about insulting your taste, OR couldn't afford to do all the suggested things and didnt want to admit it after you giving all your helpful advice. Some people slways expect others to take offence and act sheepish before offence is ever taken! The only way to deal with that is to say "I hear you booked the trip!! It'll be amazing, be sure to ask if you think I could be useful for tips etc" and change the topic completely.