To be really fed up with people commenting on my face?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

For context, I work in a customer facing role in a hot environment and I have pretty severe rosacea. I have obvious red patches all over my face that have joined up in places and almost looks like bad sunburn, when it flares up it is even more noticeable.

I notice a lot of people staring and I’m well aware of what I look like but as long as they don’t comment I mostly just try to ignore it and convince myself it isn’t that bad, its all in my head and I’m just being self conscious.

But more and more people are commenting and it’s really starting to piss me off. From the people openly asking what’s wrong with my face (yes, in those exact words), to people pointing at their own face and going ‘oooh’ with a pained expression, to the guy today who asked me ‘where’s your face from’ (????), AIBU to be getting pissed off?

YANBU - people should learn to shut the fuck up and keep their thoughts to themselves. It isn’t kind or helpful and someone with obvious facial differences is highly aware of what they look like and you mentioning it makes you look like a massive dick.

YABU - people are just curious and don’t mean any harm by it.

YANBU but you DO need some come back lines. I think I would say: "It's not sunburn, it's not contagious. it's rosacea." And it that's not enough to put someone back in their polite box and the persist then: "And I'm fairly self-conscious about it and don't want to discuss it further."

Not rude, just factual.

I’m sorry OP. Could you just write ‘I HAVE ROSACEA, LOOK IT UP’ on a piece of paper and pin it up next to you, and if anyone says anything stupid then just give them stone face and point towards the sign?

People are fucking twats. I completely get it. My teeth aren't great from years of medication and smoking. The amount of people who have seen fit to make comments to me really pisses me off. Next time someone says something tell them to piss off. Solidarity OP, if only people would think before they speak

I have rosacea too, not to the extent of you op. But sometimes it looks like an angry red on my cheeks, nose and chin. As I'm pale, it shows up a lot! I tend to wear foundation as I can't stand it.

People should not be commenting on your face. Honestly, some people are just dragged up and do not know manners or etiquette. And before someone starts with the ND, I am ND and I know not to comment on someone's face... I think some people are uncouth.

Anyway, I intend one day to get it lasered but on a side note, does anyone know of cruelty free products that help reduce it? Please 🙏

@Enrichettawhy would you think that it doesn’t happen? As an example it’s once today and at least 2 times last week. Which is a lot when you are horribly self conscious about your face and hate people bringing it up.

Clearly you have never worked in a customer facing role

@Justanopinionnothingmore I am also pale so it is really obvious. I get it’s unusual and I can cope with people looking a shade too long but why the need to mention it to me? I hate wearing foundation as I spend the whole day worried I’ve smudged it or sweated it off and it’s a hassle. Plus it settles in all my wrinkles and dry skin and makes me look haggard and awful by the end of the day anyway.

@CatesandAlemuch as I would love to do this I’d probably get complaints from customers and/or get in trouble with management 😞

So sorry OP. I had acne and a customer told me I should do x to "fix my face". It was so upsetting, I wanted to just quit my job and hide at home. People can be awful.

I have rosacea and I’d never leave the house without makeup on because I don’t want people’s comments. People naturally comment because red skin = injury or sunburn to most people.

I have scarring that's visible on my body particularly in summer clothes, and I have had people recoil in disgust/horror and make comments about the scars along the lines of "oh god that's awful, how did you do that?" or similar. I genuinely don't know how people's frontal lobes don't intercept thoughts like that and edit them before they splurt out of their mouths (excepting those with additional needs).

If I'm being generous, the ones making pained noises might possibly think that you've got sunburnt and are ineptly trying to express sympathy for it. But even they don't need to comment on it, even if they do think it's sunburn.

Really?

I have people come up to tell me that I am fat, I eat too much, that I am faking needing a wheelchair and should get out and walk... I have had such comments since the age of perhaps 13.

Yes, people will come up and outright say/ask absolutely fucking appalling things to you if you look different in any way. Some will be intending to be offensive and hurtful, some will be thoughtless, some will be nosey - it honestly doesn't matter, it happens, and it shouldn't.

My daughter ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks following sepsis. I lost count how many people asked ‘what happened?’ At times it got my incensed. She already felt self conscious at 20 but then had to relive the experience!

I find Pai products really helpful for my rosacea. And, OP, I completely understand about how awful it is people commenting about it xxx

Wow, how rude are they?! All you can do if you don't want to say/can't say 'fuck off and mind yer own!' is ignore them like you haven't heard them maybe....

Could you wear any kind up make up - to cover it a bit? Sorry I know you shouldn't have to, but maybe just to slow down the nasty comments.

I completely believe it, OP.

I developed horrendous cystic acne during pregnancy. It was hormonal so skincare products and topical treatments didn't make any difference. The number of people, strangers and acquaintances, who felt the need to comment on it was a real eye opener. Like you, I had someone ask me outright "what's wrong with your face?" People are twats sometimes. Obviously I was fully aware how noticeable it was, it's not like I was kidding myself people couldn't see it. But you'd think people would have the decency to pretend they hadn't noticed. How hard is it to just say nothing??

Honestly some people are just arseholes, there's no way round it. I can only send sympathy having been there myself.

@PrettyLittleRose as I said I work in a hot environment so make up just doesn’t tend to stay on and tbh I just can’t be arsed. I don’t want to have to smother myself in makeup just so people aren’t rude to my face about my face!

There are occasions when my self esteem is on the floor and I just can’t bear it anymore so I do wear it but what if I’m at the beach? Or constantly reapplying suncream (which I have to often as UV makes it worse)?

I'm so sorry @squashedalmondcroissant It is hard to know what to suggest.

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I had bad acne too, from my early teens to mid twenties. Roaccutane eventually sorted it out. People are full of “advice” and accuse you of being over sensitive because they are “only” trying to help. They feel they’re justified in pointing out the blindingly obvious.

Sorry for snapping @PrettyLittleRose I’m just frustrated and this guy today what the cherry on top.

I have literally looked in the mirror and cried many times about how fugly I am and every time someone comments it chips away at me even more 😞

I’ve tried just about everything the GP has to offer. Even those online dermatologists that supposedly offer personalised stuff that works rejected me as it was too bad for them to help 😢

Dermatica really helped mine.

I'm lacking in the teeth department only got about 12, can't get an n.h.s dentist and can't afford private. Been refused dentures previously because 'a few of my teeth are okay ish'
Some people have commented 'Poor you' but I say it doesn't bother me it shouldn't concern you? I am the poster girl for the shit dentistry in this country.
That gets a nod and 'yeah, that's true.'
It conflicts with the fact that my skin is excellent for my age with next to no lines at 65. Good genetics, thanks mum😉

Yeah they're full of really helpful advice like "washing your face", or "i just use nivea and my skin is fine!" 🙄 or implying you've got poor hygiene (when I honestly have better hygiene than most people I know, because of my skin). People should just keep these thoughts to themselves.

Pregnancy made my skin clear up, so I'm going to have to have a lot of kids!