To be really fed up with people commenting on my face?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

For context, I work in a customer facing role in a hot environment and I have pretty severe rosacea. I have obvious red patches all over my face that have joined up in places and almost looks like bad sunburn, when it flares up it is even more noticeable.

I notice a lot of people staring and I’m well aware of what I look like but as long as they don’t comment I mostly just try to ignore it and convince myself it isn’t that bad, its all in my head and I’m just being self conscious.

But more and more people are commenting and it’s really starting to piss me off. From the people openly asking what’s wrong with my face (yes, in those exact words), to people pointing at their own face and going ‘oooh’ with a pained expression, to the guy today who asked me ‘where’s your face from’ (????), AIBU to be getting pissed off?

YANBU - people should learn to shut the fuck up and keep their thoughts to themselves. It isn’t kind or helpful and someone with obvious facial differences is highly aware of what they look like and you mentioning it makes you look like a massive dick.

YABU - people are just curious and don’t mean any harm by it.

I feel you op, I have rosacea (though azelaic acid has helped).
People think they’re being helpful by informing me I have caught the sun but for some reason I feel deeply insulted by it, like, do they think I’m too stupid to wear a hat/suncream?

When it’s children commenting I have sometimes enjoyed grossing them out by explaining about demodex mites because you can finish by explaining that EVERYBODY has thousands of the little creatures living on their face, including them.

Normally though when people ask they’re not actually interested in the answer, they are just saying the first thing that comes into their head because they have no manners or filter.

YABU because if it’s that bad you should have seen a dermatologist and not be faffaing around with GP . All my siblings and I have rosacea and different treatments worked for us, alll except one brother who had terrible flare ups and doesn’t do anything .

That’s rather unfair given that you have to go through the GP to get the referral to the dermatologist, assuming you aren’t rich and don’t have the money to go private.
Definitely agree she needs to get the referral asap but going through the faffing around will have been a necessary first step to get referred.

I have had to go through multiple GP appointments and try all their suggestions before they offered a referral to a dermatologist. Currently been waiting 9 months. I guess it is seen as less important to things like moles which could be cancerous.
Not as simple as seeing a dermatologist!

A private appointment would be available within a week and if it’s affecting your life so much would be worth it

Have you tried Rosalique? It’s good stuff! Colour correcting skin care with spf. A make up artist told me about them. Hope it helps.

I use Simple face wash and Erborian red correct. It certainly hides the red and soothes as well.

I have ( mild) rosacea and PMLE and the comments over the years have been staggering. Oh and the helpful ones. Is it prickly heat? Have you tried calamine? Or aloe vera?

Solidarity op! I can wear foundation, but when I don't I get comments.

One thing I would make illegal if I was in charge of lawmaking would be personal comments on appearance! Trust me as someone with a slightly unfortunate appearance myself I have had a lifetime of it! I really feel for you and can’t believe how rude people are!

Incredibly rude, I can’t believe people sometimes.

My adult DD had horrendous eczema until she was prescribed dupilumab.

I remember people moving tables in restaurants so they didn’t have to be near her 😡

Some people are just awful aren't they? I suffer from it too OP and I hear you.

As someone who has had facial differences, I hear you. YANBU.

Some people genuinely don’t mean any harm, they want to show sympathy with their “ooh”, but they’re not the ones walking up every bloody morning - or multiple times at night - dealing with it! We really don’t need strangers’ input.

Sometimes I just stared people right in the eye, stoney-faced. Often they’d get the point, though sometimes they’d bluster in self-defence. Not my problem. I have nothing to apologise for.

Much trickier if you’re customer-facing and are not allowed to alienate strangers.

One thing, though: I was always courteous to small children. They haven’t developed the social skills to know not to make personal comments, and it’s an opportunity to influence them to be at ease with facial differences.

This is absolutely disgusting.
You do need some stock come backs.
How about ‘What do you mean?’
‘What are you inferring?’
Then a long silent stare if they continue with their rudeness.
Leave the ball on their court.
I would also get in first with management about any potential complaints.
Start using phrases such as ‘ protected characteristics,’ ‘stressful situation’ ‘causing me severe anxiety’ etc etc.
I know the public can be complete twats.
Also don’t get embarrassed, easier said than done. Instead start practising looking the idiot who says it in a long meaningful way. Look at some flaw on their face or body. Don’t say anything just look longer than usual to make them feel self conscious.
They won’t be able to complain about you then.

Use a tinted moisturiser . ( with spf) I ditched foundation years ago . Boots own is good .
I’ve seen rosalique advertised could you give that a try?

I would have a one line smart reply at the ready .

OP, I think it’s really unfair that you’re having to wait this long for a dermatology referral. Has your GP even sent one? Your skin condition clearly goes beyond what a GP can manage.

And I believe you when you say people stare or make comments, some people can be crass.

I’d suggest emailing the surgery and explaining how much this is impacting your self‑esteem, how others’ reactions are making things harder, and that it’s now affecting your work. Ask for an urgent dermatology referral

OP I have rosacea too, and some days I am bright red. I work in HR and sometimes get sympathetic looks from colleagues who ask if I'm okay, one colleague asked me if I'd been running. Its even worse when I'm nervous, which I very frequently am.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I can imagine it can make this worse because of the feelings around being asked "what's wrong with your face". Its totally shit. Its their problem, try and remember that.

I think it’s very rude to comment on other people’s appearances unless it’s a compliment. I would really struggle to not say anything back to the customers if I was in your shoes 🙈. I have a friend with a dark birthmark on her face and when she worked in a shop people would comment on it and it made her really sad.

If you wanted to you could look into primers and longwear foundation. But you shouldn’t have to cover your skin if you don’t want to.
You could also ask your GP for a dermatology referral and use Right to Choose so you can find the hospital with the shortest waiting time

I'm sorry you have to put up with this, @squashedalmondcroissant

I cannot understand why people would comment on facial problems, when its 100% bloody obvious that they will be self conscious about them.

There's a cashier in my bank, who has a strawberry birthmark under her eye and I've never though of commenting on it. I was in a while ago and a guy asked what it was and why she hadn't had it removed!

Prick.

Six years ago, I had facial surgery for a BCC which turned out to be much worse than originally thought and I ended up with four surgeries on my face, most of one side had to be rebuilt including my nose.

I also have a bit of rosacea and brown pigmentation so on one side of my face I have scarring, pigmentation and redness. A triple whammy.

About two months ago, a young woman serving me in a shop asked me if I had burnt my face. It was the first time anyone had ever commented out loud.

The friend I was with was really cross about it but I always knew there would be a time when it would be commented on by a stranger and this was it unfortunately. 😒

It looks bright orange on me so if you do try this OP,get a tester first as it's an expensive mistake.

People are so rude.

YANBU

I had rosacea and went to GP who prescribed a gel ointment which totally cleared it up.

It worked for me but I guess these things aren’t universal. 🤷‍♀️

She has no clue It absolutely does happen i work in a customer facing role and have some scarring and i would say very few days go by without comments from random people I hate it i don't comment on other peoples appearances so I don't understand why others find it acceptable to comment on mine. Could you imagine just walking up to a complete stranger and saying wow your a bit fat aren't you or wow your losing your hair.