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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to bring my young children only to the reception?

107 replies

Cherrytree696 · Today 16:51

My sister is getting married next year - I have 3 kids who will all be under 4 next year when she ties the knot.

None of my kids are in the wedding party and neither am I or my husband and because of this my sister doesn't have room for us in the hotel so we will be travelling from home - about half an hour.

My mum asked me what my plans were for the wedding and I said myself and my husband had only briefly discussed it but that he would probably keep the kids at home and bring them to the reception for 3pm and then we will go home after the first dance.

This has caused quite the reaction from my sister and mum but I'm just not sure that a 3 and a half year old and two 18 months olds are they best mix with a formal wedding. Our plan was that I could go and see my sister get married and then he would bring them to the reception.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I don't think my kids are going to improve the situation. She's getting married at 2pm so they won't miss much other than the actual ceremony and the dancing (happy to stay later if they are settled and not annoying anyone).

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytree696 · Today 20:56

Floppyearedlab · Today 20:44

Honestly it sounds like you are being as unselfish as possible by not inflicting your young children on a special moment for your sister. And bringing them later.

You must be there for the whole day. Your sister must be your priority and the kids your husband's. But it sounds like you can get that sorted.

I find this interesting. My brother left my wedding at 9pm to be with his girlfriend (who was also at my wedding) and I was completely unbothered by this and wanted as little details as possible.

My sister didn't want to come out for my pre-wedding meal (it was like a bridesmaid thing the night before I got married) because she wanted to go for dinner with her boyfriend. I wasnt bothered in the slightest.

I love them but I also appreciate that they have lives that they want to lead and my wedding was relatively low on their list.

OP posts:
WalkAway7 · Today 20:58

Allswellthatendswelll · Today 17:24

DS was just 2 when DB got married and almost 3 when DSis did and he missed both ceremonies due to kicking off and being whisked out by DH. He did go to the registry office of Dsis but hid under a chair for all of it. So I honestly don't think you are missing out on much by not having small kids.

He is almost 5 now and would have been fine from about 4.

This!

I explained to my Dsis-in-law at the time of her wedding that weddings are a celebration for adults, unlike Christenings, Communions, Confirmations which focus on children. Therefore, they don’t suit children. There is no bouncy castle/magician/etc only a ‘boring’ sit-down meal with long boring speeches (from the perspective of the child) through which small children are expected to sit quietly… As a mum of three under three, including a set of twins, I knew better. And you do too. Your sister hasn’t a clue and your mum won’t be doing the running around or pulling a rabbit out of a hat trying to entertain them/keep them quiet during the ceremony or at the table. Your p,a sounds perfect to me. Could you get a friend/babysitter to collect them from the reception after photos and bring them home to their own home where they can play and be settled for bed as usual?

Gooseling · Today 21:00

Cherrytree696 · Today 20:52

This made me laugh 😂.

I wouldn't do that - I'd be too embarrassed but I think it's really interesting that people are commenting that I'm not taking them out of spite and then you are saying you'd take them out of spite 🙈. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a lose lose.

Show quote history

Sorry😅 did not want to make you feel conflicted!

FWIW- I think your original suggestion was perfect, so a comment like that (from your mum and sister) would have pissed me off.

Original poster
Cherrytree696 · Today 21:04

Gooseling · Today 21:00

Sorry😅 did not want to make you feel conflicted!

FWIW- I think your original suggestion was perfect, so a comment like that (from your mum and sister) would have pissed me off.

Show quote history

I appreciated the laugh ☺️. I genuinely thought our original plan was what was best but apparently not ☺️.

Although I would enjoy just letting them go for gold! The mess of my kitchen every meal time is insane 🙈. I can only imagine the damage on white linen table cloths 😂.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytree696 · Today 21:08

WalkAway7 · Today 20:58

This!

I explained to my Dsis-in-law at the time of her wedding that weddings are a celebration for adults, unlike Christenings, Communions, Confirmations which focus on children. Therefore, they don’t suit children. There is no bouncy castle/magician/etc only a ‘boring’ sit-down meal with long boring speeches (from the perspective of the child) through which small children are expected to sit quietly… As a mum of three under three, including a set of twins, I knew better. And you do too. Your sister hasn’t a clue and your mum won’t be doing the running around or pulling a rabbit out of a hat trying to entertain them/keep them quiet during the ceremony or at the table. Your p,a sounds perfect to me. Could you get a friend/babysitter to collect them from the reception after photos and bring them home to their own home where they can play and be settled for bed as usual?

Show quote history

Thank you 😊. I really appreciate your understanding.

We don't actually have any friends that look after our kids. I know to some it sounds like another excuse but I don't have a village - I have me and my husband but he works a lot and I'm mainly mum.

OP posts:
ANewName2026 · Today 21:18

Cherrytree696 · Today 17:29

Thank you. I'm definitely nervous about the wedding ceremony as it's scheduled to be 45 minutes but yes that is the most important part of the day so perhaps that's her thinking.

I'd really like to not stress about what my kids are doing but I'm worrying about what they will be like in April 2027. That's a long time away. They might be okay!

Show quote history

OP I think you can approach this by saying to her that you really want to be able to focus and enjoy her wedding ceremony, and with 3 under 3 you know that if they come, and are disruptive, DH won’t be able to leave with all of them on his own - so there is a real risk you could miss the ceremony too which would be gutting.

You ask which option she’d prefer:

  1. you are all there but she knows it’s likely the children will be loud and disruptive - make clear this may mean all 5 of you needing to exit mid ceremony
  2. you come and DH comes later with them, meaning there is no disruption and you can enjoy it
  3. DH and the children are somewhere else at the venue during the actual ceremony so as not to disrupt but to be there for everything else

Three seems a good option to me but depends on the venue - I can’t think of any weddings I’ve been to that wouldn’t have SOMEWHERE he could hang out with the kids - the garden, the bar..?

daughterfromhell · Today 22:24

I wonder if the posters being dicks about the bride are the same ones who moan about child free weddings?

I wonder if they’re also the ones telling posters to decline wedding invites if the kids can’t come or telling them to take them anyway.

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