AIBU to still wash my autistic 11-year-old son’s hair?

[BakingN]

My mum thinks it’s ridiculous that I still wash my DS11’s hair. He’s got autism and was diagnosed since he was 5 and whilst it doesn’t affect anything major he can struggle to make new friends etc. he’s not the best when it comes to washing his hair since it’s quite thick and I worry about dandruff with him having sensitive skin. I just think it’s nice for us to bond and I am teaching him how to do it himself but he likes me doing it and I like to make sure his hair is fully done. Is this bad parenting?

Is he neurotypical?

Undiagnosed but very likely on the spectrum

Your main job as a parent is (as far as possible given his ND) to make him into a self reliant adult. There's two aspects to this, supporting him to be physically independent and emotionally independent. A warm and loving mother/father doing maternal stuff supports him emotionally. It's a balance so that you're not smothering him or taking away opportunities for him to be independent from you when he wants that. It's not really about the hair washing in isolation, but more how capable and independent he is in all aspects of life. Do you think you "baby" him overall?

For what it's worth I blow dry my 15year old NT DDs very long hair, not because she can't, although I do a better job of it. But because we like the opportunity to chat, I like doing something for her and she prefers me doing it. But in pretty much all other aspects of her life she is fiercely independent.

No its just me my eldest has left home and works and lives independently middle is at home but will hopefully find his way out (he is only 17 but struggling right now) youngest might be with me for a long time he needs so much supervision i literally have bells on doors to alert me if he tried to leave