To let grandparents take 9yo on cruise

[irishchick93]

Ahh. Im at a loss. My in-laws go cruising every summer x 1 week. Next years is getting booked we cant afford to go. We have younger child age 3 aswell. We will just do local holidays like always. They are practically begging to take DD who will be 9 and has never been abroad.

HOWEVER, due to family dynamics. DH tricky relationship with his mother he wont allow her to go. Its more dear FIL is looking to bring her.

Im on the fence. Im nervous as shes never been before so dont know. Her grandfather will look after her very well and there are other people going who she will know, not very well but friends of the family and kids similar ages.

I dont fully trust MIL to watch her and FIL would know this but i dont see how he can never leave her side for a full week.

FIL often provides childcare, MIL not so much. Would he known for being a bit unhinged.

Basically AIBU to not send her? I feel like she would love it and i dont want my anxieties to.hold her back but am i doing her a disservice as her mother knowing that MIL will be enivitably watching her some of the time and the fact that I dont even trust her at home alone woth the kids.

Sorry for the speel

Sorry if I’m being dense but I don’t understand this -

HOWEVER, due to family dynamics. DH tricky relationship with his mother he wont allow her to go. Its more dear FIL is looking to bring her.

Your DH won’t allow her to go with his Mum then shes not going?

Sorry...i just re-read that myself 😬

Well he doesnt want her to go basically but the final call will ultimately be up to me.

Really? How so? And what is his reaction likely to be if you overrule him?

I'm a strong believer that both parents have to agree on such issues.

I don't see why FIL would be less able to look after a child alone than you (or any competent) adult? Single mums go on holidays with a kid. Unless of course he has a health issue you've not mentioned. Or if there's another reason you're not happy, in which case you could ask if they can afford to pay for your husband or you to go too?

Well I will obviously not go over his head but I do feel like I could change his mind about it or work something out.

The AIBU was about DD not abt my DH

Hmmm, if I was limited contact with a parent (well actually I was/have been) and my then partner decided to disregard that and send her anyway I'd feel unsupported and feel I had a partner problem.

If it was a case of loving doting ILs that you both loved, I'd say go for it. But in your case not a chance.

If you don't feel 100% comfortable with the care, then absolutely not.

a cruise is an old persons holiday anyway, she'd probably get very bored.

Its not that he wouldnt be able to look after her im saying that dear MIL would be taking her off for the day and he wouldnt have a say in it type of thing.

Apparently its great for kids? Waterparks etc

Oh, you are SO wrong! Many ships have extensive facilities for children and days ashore in different ports can be magical for kids.

@Pistachiocakeyes.....my husband wont go and said that he wouls pay if i went with them. Im torn between sticking pins and throwing myself overboard 😬😂

No way would I send her

I would not allow her to go.
Her safety is paramount.

It can be - depends on the cruise line and ship! If you can say which, those of us with expertise can advise...

I think its royal carribean

Children going away with grandparents is lovely IF there is a good relationship between everyone in the situation. That is obviously not the case here so I would say no.

I can’t think of anything more boring than a cruise so I wouldn’t subject a child to that.

No, there's water involved with the slides and swimming pools and wave machines. You have to absolutely trust the people she's going with. Don't send her.

If there are other children in the group of similar ages, then I imagine your DD would be hanging about with them at various kid clubs etc. The parents will pick up the slack if your FIL needs a break, coffee or nap.

Have you asked your DD?

It think it would be great fun and it's only for a week.

If DH is saying he can't trust is own mother with his daughter, and that FIL, who is capable and willing to look after her, won't stand up to her if she wants to take her off for the day, then no I wouldn't let her go. There's too much to go wrong ( picturing lost abroad, missing ship at port, etc).
You could go as well, would be nice for `DD, but once you're there, you're stuck on the boat with MiL. How will you frame your decision to DD ?( you can bet that even if she doesn't know it's on the cards now, she soon will).

Personally, I would be supporting my husband. He knows his mother and if his relationship is ‘tricky’ with her, why is that? Is it coming from his childhood and if yes, why would you subject your child to that?

Your DD is not ‘missing out’ if she doesn’t go, she is simply not going on this particular trip with these people at this time. I think you need to reframe it in your brain. It’s an invitation not a summons.
Trust your husband!

You cannot send a 9 year old abroad with someone you don’t trust.

And to a waterpark? You are mad for even considering it.

I was going to ask if DD knows about it and what are her thoughts, given she's never been abroad before.
Royal carribean ships are fab and I'm sure she would have a blast, especially if there are other kids going.
Is there a chance you could go aswell, or is that totally out of the question?

Why don’t you trust your DH judgement about his own mother? You don’t seem very respectful or supportive of him.

Your AIBU is different in your title and your OP so any voting won’t make sense as you are asking two opposite questions.

In what way would a cruise be boring? Non-stop activities on the ship and a different destination most days. Admittedly I’ve not been on one (yet) but I can’t see how it could be boring.