To let grandparents take 9yo on cruise

[irishchick93]

Ahh. Im at a loss. My in-laws go cruising every summer x 1 week. Next years is getting booked we cant afford to go. We have younger child age 3 aswell. We will just do local holidays like always. They are practically begging to take DD who will be 9 and has never been abroad.

HOWEVER, due to family dynamics. DH tricky relationship with his mother he wont allow her to go. Its more dear FIL is looking to bring her.

Im on the fence. Im nervous as shes never been before so dont know. Her grandfather will look after her very well and there are other people going who she will know, not very well but friends of the family and kids similar ages.

I dont fully trust MIL to watch her and FIL would know this but i dont see how he can never leave her side for a full week.

FIL often provides childcare, MIL not so much. Would he known for being a bit unhinged.

Basically AIBU to not send her? I feel like she would love it and i dont want my anxieties to.hold her back but am i doing her a disservice as her mother knowing that MIL will be enivitably watching her some of the time and the fact that I dont even trust her at home alone woth the kids.

Sorry for the speel

So you are saying your DH would pay for you to go?

I wouldn't let her go.

Personally if my child is going to be out of my care then I need to be 100% confident in the people that have them/the place they are going etc etc

There's a lot of unknows and what is know doesn't look too good.

Plus throw the fact your husband is in the no camp - assuming with good reasons - then I'd stick together as a family.

Reward vs risk dont stack up here.

I guess it depends on the nature of your distrust… is she a violent drunk or can she be a bit absent minded?

If you don't trust MIL at home with your kid, why would you trust her anywhere else? For a whole week? Your gut is telling you it's not a good idea... trust it. Your husband is even saying it's not a good idea... it doesn't sound like it's a good idea. Just saying.

If your husband is happy to pay for you and her to go and happy for you to go without him, then why not take her?

Such a pity family politics would get in the way of an amazing holiday. If it's RCL, she'll be in clubs most days and looked after. They are strict about kids not being out after a certain time. Cruising is the safest for kids, it's not like there are many places for them to go. She would have such a great time. I feel sorry for her of she doesn't get to go.

If you could go with them i would. Cruise ships are huge so you wouldnt even need to spend much time with them....you could just say oh i couldn't find you. I sometimes go and you see people onve and never see them again during the whole cruise.
If you dont trust them maybe its not the best idea as its not just on the ship were she could go kids clhb ect....but whay about the day trips when the boats in port ect.

Kids go on holidays with good grandparents and if something awful and unexpected happens it is known that it was just an accident, accidents happen, and it could easily have happened under your care too.

If you send your DD in this scenario and something happens you will forever feel like you knew it wasn't a good idea and went against your better judgement.

I'd tell FIL "look, if it was just you taking her that would be fine, but it isn't, and I don't feel comfortable knowing MIL will inevitably do some of the care for her. I don't want you or DD put in the position where you have to put your foot down to be the one who takes her to the water park etc, especially as you're trapped on a cruise. I appreciate the lovely offer and think it would be a great idea under different circumstances."

The Above 100 per cent.

Imagine if you didn't want her to go and your DH was insisting... what would people on this thread be saying.

You already said you don't trust MIL. DH doesn't trust MIL and FIL can't stand up to MIL who will get her own way taking her out on her own.

What are you still pondering over?

If you don't trust her at home for short periods... why take the risk at overseas water parks???

You don't say why you don't trust MIL

I didn't trust one of my parents and one of DH's parents. Issues such as wandering attention and dangerous driving and angry tantrums.The pushback on this was extremely nasty but to this day I am so glad I didn't take the risk.DC's safety and enjoyment comes first.

If you and DH have your doubts its actually not fair on your MIL/FIL to put them in a position where something might go wrong (even if they can't see it) It something did happen - how would they feel?

I think its pointless wringing your hands and worrying that she will miss out on something. She's missing out on being in the care of someone you don't fully trust. It's your responsibility to keep her safe and sometimes to put up with the pushback. Stand firm and trust your DH's assessment too.

You can find other entertainments and plan days out where she can see the grandparents but where you can better ensure her safety, whether its physical or emotional safety.

She will go to kids clubs? Go with her . Presumably she wont want to share a cabin with gp s ?

When it comes to things like this, if both parents don’t agree, the child doesn’t go.

Letting your child go away with family for a week is a pretty big deal to most people and both parents have to be in agreement.

From what you have said, I wouldn’t feel safe sending my child.

A friend had let her in laws take her two boys on an annual cruise since they were younger than nine. They loved it. But they all get on well and I think the PILs both do the care together. I don’t think they do things separately they all did activities together.
What dyes your DD think or have you not told her?

You do not trust that your ILs will do their absolute best to keep her safe - so she doesn’t go . It’s really no more complicated than that - follow your gut

Given the family dynamic I would say no. It's fine for DD to wait until you can all afford to go together as a family, before she travels abroad.

‘Old persons holiday’? Maybe they’re booking a Disney ship or Celebrity Cruiseline. You’ve never been on a cruise?

Has your daughter ever stayed at her grandparents house for a full weekend alone? If not she might struggle being away from home for a week? Will she even like being on a cruise ship? (I have one who hates being on ferries or ships of any kind and one who's quite happy on water!) I agree with PPs that as parents you need to be united in your decisions.

Absolutely this. It would be a hard no from me.

You clearly haven't checked out the facilities on cruise ships recently. Some of them have so much for kids to do

@irishchick93
We too DSS on a cruise years ago with MIL and FIL, so four adults and an 8 yr old.

It was a nightmare, trying to keep an eye on him, he was obsessed with climbing on the rails to look over, I had visions of him toppling into the water, it wasn't a holiday, it was literally "all hands on deck" watching DSS.

There was plenty to do for him but the boat was huge, even him skipping ahead was giving me heart palpitations 😉

MIL/FIL couldn't be left to watch him as they weren't quick enough to keep up with him, I recall DSS saying he was going to the toilet and taking off with FIL in hot pursuit, I'd given up at this point, DSS came back but FIL was still looking for him 30 mins later😀

Tbh DSS wasn't naughty, just a regular 8 yr old boy interested in everything, enjoying exploring his new environment with the gusto of a little boy.

If other DC are joining your In laws on the cruise do you think your DD will be allowed to go off with them, if so, I definitely wouldn't be happy with that.

It would be a no from me in your position

No I wouldn't be seen dead on a Cruise 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Disney ship???? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Have you even seen what facilities there are for children on Royal Caribbean ships? It’s a child’s paradise!

Why not?

Because you'd be trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean for days, with some weird, sad, horrible people, with no escape 🤣🤣🤣

Believe me, you’re so wrong 🤣🤣🤣

At 9 I wouldn't be so worried about her safety, presuming she is sensible she shouldn't need eyes on her every second. Even in the water park most kids that age are usually allowed freedom to go on the slides themselves and so on. Some people are answering as if she's 5 or 6 not 9!

The dynamics are more problematic though, if your husband isn't keen I don't think I'd be trying to persuade him, it's undermining.