Going out at night.

[londongirloftwo]

Hello!

I'd like to watch the England and Mexico game at a local pub to me. Though not one I have been to before. It's well known as a well looked after pub with lovely food. More 'upmarket' than some.

My husband is against it as the game finishes at 3am / 4am and I would be walking home. Bit moody and doesn't see why I can't watch it at home. I've explained I'd like to enjoy the game with others keen to see the England game and cheer with them at each goal or even a win!

I feel this is unfair. I am in my forties. I have been on evenings out before. He likes to be awake when I get back. But on Monday is working so can't stay up.

Am I being unfair? Am I wrong to feel it is slightly controlling, or have I got this wrong and he is simply worried.

Thanks for perspectives on this.

I lived in a rougher part of SE London than OP, but v near Greenwich, for 12 years.

I never went out alone after about 11pm. If I was at a party I’d leave earlier than I’d have actually liked so I wasn’t relying on the very last train home, and I’d ask DH to wait up, but I rarely went out late without him. Most of the crime in the area was either petty thieves and muggings, or proper big time drug dealers, but you never know as a PP said about walking past doorways and side streets.

It’s crap being a woman.

So sorry for those on the thread who’ve experienced horrific incidents.

I hope you enjoy your night and get home ok OP. It’s not fair that we have to live like this.

Yes, I always use an uber. I know many people feel they’re unsafe but I feel it keeps me safe and I’m a heavy uber user.

@HeyThereDelila

It’s not fair that we have to live like this.

Absolutely agree. This frustrates me so much.

The question here shouldn’t be “Is it worth the risk to walk home alone late at night?” but “Does the OP’s husband have any right to make the decision for her rather than letting her assess the risk for herself?‘

Regardless of what the answer is to question 1, the answer to question 2 is always, without exception, no.

@londongirloftwo Vanbrugh was my local pub for years. I wouldn't walk around in that area by myself, there were a few issues around the station late night and also no one is out and about on the streets there. I would go to a pub in cutty sark or on Trafalgar road though, I will be fine taking an Uber or a bus back from there. Btw you have 24 hour buses in that area, so you will be fine taking one back I guess.

Sounds like genuine concern, unless he has form for telling you what you can do.

Can you compromise and maybe get a taxi? Of course, if it’s 2 minutes walk away that won’t be necessary.

It’s delayed now so at this rate you’ll be heading home when it’s daylight - enjoy your evening

Did you go OP? I hope you did. Our local pub was so much fun. Walked home in the light of the moon and the rising Sun. It didn’t feel dangerous at all. I loved passing people in the street laughing and full of joy. Having a small brandy from the cooking cupboard then off to bed. Great night in the pub.

I was going to watch in a nearby pub in west London. 20 mins walk away. Once the match was delayed I decided to stay home to watch but not due to safety reasons just I couldn’t be bothered to wait another hour to go out. I’m now having a post match cuppa in the garden and realising I can’t remember the last time I was up to see the sun rise.
I don’t think the pubs will have just been full of men. Loads of my friends were going out to watch.

Ah hope you went and enjoyed op!

I can’t believe there are so many woman who don’t go out alone at night - it’s so sad that you feel this way.

id feel super annoyed if my husband was as involved in a decision on whether I go out or not though - that’s not up to him - it’s up to me

i used to get him to meet me at train or bus back when I was younger sometimes - but can’t do this now as can’t leave the kids alone in the house

also woman work late at night in pubs and clubs and other industries - they have to go out and travel home at night - it’s a very normal thing to do!

i used to cycle home from my bar job in central London back to Tottenham in my 20s at 3am 🤷‍♀️

I find this thread very depressing tbh

the him not being able to sleep cus you are out is a him problem too - I often wake up in the night and if husband is out and he’s not back yet I find it hard to go back to sleep until he is back - but I’d never say that to him - he should enjoy his night and it’s not his fault I can’t sleep.

I did go, the Vanburgh weren't showing it so had a night / morning at The Crown instead. So good! Also caught the end of the Norway and Brazil game. The crowd was a really good one with a nice vibe. Mainly men but some women too. Glad I went as it ended up being such a good game.

Glad you went and had a good time.

Glad you went, it was an absolute belter and I bet was so fun to watch in a full pub. I watched it at home but went out with friends to Portugal v Spain tonight and just got back in, walked home alone through central London and my only worry was that it was bloody hot!

Yes in a taxi from the bar to my house. Pretending women are perfectly safe to wander about at all times of the night on their own is ridiculous. If that’s what you do that’s up to you but I certainly wouldn’t be trying to persuade any woman that it’s a safe thing to do

Do you have to walk down any dark empty streets will you be mostly on the main road, which will be comparatively busy? If DH is that worried, he could put an alarm on and come to collect you, that’s what my DH would do. It’s not such a big deal to be woken up in the middle of the and then go to work the next morning. Those of us who had babies have all done it on numerous occasions.

It's a moot point now, because the match has already happened.

Do you have to walk down any dark empty streets

As pp said the match has happened now. But op would have been walking home after 4am on a July morning, so no there wouldn't have been any dark streets.

OP could do that if she wanted to though. She’s a grown woman.

Yes and she chose not to, her choice.

But it seems several posters assume that if you choose to avoid walking the streets at night, then you must never go out at night ever, which is a strange conclusion to reach.

That’s not what happened on the quotes you’re replying to though. It was a PP saying that if she wanted to go she should go, and another saying ‘that’s really unwise’.

I thought you meant the Kings Arms at first as that is next to the park. Then I thought you must be going to the Lost Hour as that is on the main road and shows games, so does st Christophers Tavern, but I think they changed their name. I used to live in Blackheath and often go out in Greenwich when I go back there.