Going out at night.

[londongirloftwo]

Hello!

I'd like to watch the England and Mexico game at a local pub to me. Though not one I have been to before. It's well known as a well looked after pub with lovely food. More 'upmarket' than some.

My husband is against it as the game finishes at 3am / 4am and I would be walking home. Bit moody and doesn't see why I can't watch it at home. I've explained I'd like to enjoy the game with others keen to see the England game and cheer with them at each goal or even a win!

I feel this is unfair. I am in my forties. I have been on evenings out before. He likes to be awake when I get back. But on Monday is working so can't stay up.

Am I being unfair? Am I wrong to feel it is slightly controlling, or have I got this wrong and he is simply worried.

Thanks for perspectives on this.

Unless there is a back story this sounds like he is simply worried about you being out alone and potentially drunk at that time of night. Can you walk back with someone? Pre book a reputable taxi?

What's it like where you live? I have done this and I'd be fine where I live now. When I got to my 40s I became more aware that I had less life left than I'd lived, so put my foot down about doing things. Has he been worried in the past about your safety?

He can't say you "can't" go but mine would be worried about me walking back from the pub on my own at 4am in our town (it can be a bit rough).

Yeah I can see why he’s worried about his wife going to a pub alone to watch a football match at 1am. My guess is that you will be the only female in the pub on her own. Even the nicest pubs turn in to testosterone filled toilets when football fans are in. And there is no way I would walk home alone at that time in the morning. No way.

All it needs is for one of those blokes in that pub to have been drinking since Sunday evening and clock you’re on your own, watch you leave and things could go horribly wrong.

No way would my DH be happy about me doing this and I would think he has a very valid point.

It is really nice where we live. The pub is next to Greenwich Park. Yup being worried is typical of him. Good idea onemanwenttomo just suggested Uber or Bolt but not popular as if extra time or penalties can't tell when a taxi would be needed.

When you say he’s “against it”, what does that look like?

If he’s saying “I forbid you to go” then yes, he’s controlling.
If he’s saying “I’m a bit worried about you walking home alone at 3am with loads of drunk men around” then that seems fair enough. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to raise a concern about a spouse’s safety.

I think your husband is worried about your safety that late at night. As @Moveoverdarlin said it's going to be very dangerous

It’s typical of any adult with an ounce of common sense. A lone female watching a football match at 1am in a pub which will predominantly be filled with pissed, fired-up men and leaving alone at 4am??

It’s not going to be very dangerous, what are you talking about?

This isn't really about going out at night OP. It's about a very specific outing to watch a football match in a pub by yourself starting at 1 a.m.

How often do you watch football matches in a pub by yourself? Because quite honestly it comes over as though you are quite naive about the behaviour of football fans and groups of men drinking into the early hours .

I think your H's concerns are very valid

If it's around 4am or after, it will be getting light, won't it.

If OP doesn't like the look of it when she gets there, she can come away immediately.

Now wondering which pub it is.

Taxi?

I dont think it would be safe to be walking out at 3 am.

Just stay at the pub til 5 and it will be light then!

DP and I will both struggle to sleep if one of us is out late and the other is home.

It's not because either of us are worried as such, it's just a difference to the norm, and knowing that at some point we'll get woken up by the key in the door.

I sleep far better if DP is out in our neighbouring city and stays at her friends, than I do if she's out late in our city and coming home that night.

So yes, it's a pain in the arse if DP goes out late when I've got work the next morning. I wouldn't dream of complaining or asking her not to though, because I'm likely to want to do the same thing at some point.

What makes you think she’s going to be the only woman in the pub?

Sounds like someone who wants his DWife to be safe

Do you have anything you need to do in the morning?

not all pubs are staying open so there might be a lot more people in your local pub

the result will have a massive difference to the mood of the people in the pub. Is it a pub you usually watch football and know people in there?

"Very dangerous" is just a lie. It is going to be busy and getting light at 4am in a safe and nice part of London. I wonder how many of the posters walk around London late at night. It's overall very safe. To be fair, my DH would still probably rather I didn't do that, but I doubt he would say anything, and even if he did I would still do it

So I don't have work the next day. I booked Monday off as soon as we won the game on Thursday.

In answer to the above, he is working the next day and msy find it harder to sleep.

The pub has a wide mix of women and men, usually couples going together.

I haven't been to an England game recently but have in the past and from 20 odd years in London don't find it to be dangerous.

I've put a message in our neighbours WhatsApp group hoping those on our street could join me and then walk home togethers.

Someone asked which pub.it is - The Vanburgh.

I walked through the centre of Bristol at 6am one bright summer morning age 17 to catch an early coach for a weekend away. Main street, very safe. Except it wasn’t safe, as I realised when I was raped in a shop doorway. Ever since then I’ve been much more careful. I think your husband is right to be worried OP.

I know it means nothing but I'm so so so sorry this happened to you. I just have to say.

That is so awful and I can completely see how that would change your perception of danger. I'm really sorry that happened.

@BerryTwister how awful 🙁

@londongirloftwo I was thinking about doing the same thing, pub is 10 minutes walk away. Haven't made up my mind 100% as yet. 'Upmarket' area, nice pub. I'll check with another person to see if they can come.

I know the area you’re talking about well, OP, and I can’t think of anything thst would make me consider going into a pub at 1 am and then walking home alone at 3 or 4. You must be bonkers!