Going out at night.

[londongirloftwo]

Hello!

I'd like to watch the England and Mexico game at a local pub to me. Though not one I have been to before. It's well known as a well looked after pub with lovely food. More 'upmarket' than some.

My husband is against it as the game finishes at 3am / 4am and I would be walking home. Bit moody and doesn't see why I can't watch it at home. I've explained I'd like to enjoy the game with others keen to see the England game and cheer with them at each goal or even a win!

I feel this is unfair. I am in my forties. I have been on evenings out before. He likes to be awake when I get back. But on Monday is working so can't stay up.

Am I being unfair? Am I wrong to feel it is slightly controlling, or have I got this wrong and he is simply worried.

Thanks for perspectives on this.

This sounds really sensible. You absolutely should have the right to exit pubs at any time of day or night regardless of the outcome of sporting fixtures but as you're not in a rush the other end of the game you could order a cab towards the end, whether that's the end of full time/penalties/extra time.

Ordinarily I think your judgement of your safety would be worth relying on but this is an exceptional event in terms of time and although I live somewhere incredibly safe I don't really know how it would feel at 4:30am as the pubs discourage, possibly post defeat.

I really hope that this pub is a fabulous venue, you have a great time and get home safely without a second thought.

I do get your husband's perspective though as I am half tempted to ask you to let us know you got home okay.

I am pretty independent and have watched football in bars on my own overseas whilst solo travelling plenty (and for some reason sauntering home late on the Kao San road in Bangkok felt perfectly acceptable in my twenties) but I have never gone to watch football in a pub on my own at home and I salute you. Men wouldn't give it a second thought and it is a shame we have to, isn't it?

get an uber and TELL him thats what you are doing

There are countries in the world where you can just walk around at night with no issues whatsoever. Singapore for example. Many women who move to the gulf feel extremely safe walking around at night. I know others have said they find Poland to be safe

Shame the UK isn't like this.

It isn't a question of needing a chaperone - it is a question of taking sensible precautions to keep ourselves safe.

Yeah, but going to a pub at stupid o'clock in the morning to watch a game on your own doesn't sound great, better to watch it with a group of people she knows.

I walk around at night in this country alone, early hours of the morning when I can’t sleep. Have never felt unsafe. I live in a big town which has its undesirable areas as well as nicer ones, much like most towns.
i was assaulted as a teen by someone I knew well, not by a stranger.
Dh doesn’t like it particularly but he’s normally asleep and unaware. He also doesn’t like me walking home late from the station but I’m not spending a tenner on a taxi when it’s a short walk.
I’m not living in fear of something that is very unlikely to happen and changing my behaviours because of ‘some men’.

And there are plenty of women in this country who don't feel safe walking home alone at night.

You never know, you turn a wrong corner, bump into the wrong man and that's it. All it takes is just that one and once it happens it sticks with you for life. It's unfortunate but the UK is not a magical bastion for women's safety. My DH would pick me up from the station, perhaps yours can do that to. I pick up all my DDs at night.

When I can't sleep, I usually go downstairs and watch something on Netflix. I might listen to an audiobook as well. Perhaps you can try that.

There are @Jjj45Hash - you can’t help feeling how you feel.
i don’t need picking up from the station, i can make my own way home. He goes to bed/sleep early as is an early riser, im not waking him up. If I wanted driving home I’d rather get a taxi (and do if its pissing it down! but I’m capable of walking and prefer it.
Watching tv doesn’t tire me out unfortunately, it just stimulates my brain more. I wasn’t looking for solutions, merely pointing out that I don’t find myself scared of walking around on my own. And neither does op as she’s considering doing this herself, it’s not that unusual.

Found a compromise :) watching the game but at a different pub that is on a main road. Instead of the one I prefer as a pub but is off a side street. Others who have said they are considering going on this feed welcome to join me. Agree with lots of you it's often how we feel about being out when it's dark, less whether it is actually safe or not. So very sorry to those that have had awful experiences.

There will be many women there. Football isn’t just liked by men.

My favourite time to go walking is at night. I love it

I can’t believe you have to compromise with your husband about which pub you go to. You are a grown adult woman. Absolutely crackers behaviour.

I go out to pubs till late very regularly and my partner would never feel he had to act as some sort of strange nursemaid or nanny about my plans to get home, because I am an adult. You are not a teenager who needs to compromise with their parents.

I hope next time he wants to go out you ask for an assessment of how he’s going to get home, and if you’re unhappy ask him to compromise by changing his plans. It just would not happen.

It really fucks me off.

Because women are more at risk of being attacked by a man?

Men are more at risk of being attacked by men.

If OP’s husband was genuinely arsed about her safety he’d offer to meet her at the pub to walk home. He’s in the huff because she’s going out and dressing it up as a safety issue. It’s clear as day.

The Vanbrugh will be absolutely fine to walk home from at 4-5am, it’s getting light and there are loads of people about. I literally walked my dog past there last week at 5am as it was the only time cool enough.

So if you see a woman with a tiny pug wandering past to get to the Park, that’s me 👋

If you never walked around late at night how do you know it's too dangerous to walk around late at night? Plenty of posters do know the actual area and have walked around in the early hours, and say it's fine

No my husband would say the same I can’t think of any husband who would say off you go then and not give it a second thought.
Doesn’t matter how safe the area is men will be around after drinking half the day and night. And before anyone starts about how it’s not all men blah blah, it’s men that would be a danger to a lone woman walking on her own at 3am. No one is actually worried about Godzilla appearing and attacking them.

Did you miss the part where I said I lived 10 mins from the pub? So why do you think I know nothing about the area?

That area is rife for phone snatchers and muggings. Me choosing to keep myself safe and not walk late at night doesn’t mean I know nothing. Quite the opposite actually…

Thanks everyone for your different perspectives and advice. Turns out the pub I had intended to go to is now not playing the game. 😂 So off to the larger pub on the main road. Very sorry to those who have shared awful experiences here.

Are you for real. It's really unwise.
X

Do you never go on nights out till the early hours and get yourself home?

In my own in London no. I don't think this would be safe for the OP. She is talking about being on her own in the pub where men will have been drinking for many hours. Then getting home.

I'm no prude. I love a drink and a night out but in this case I think it's foolish x

Very much in agreement with all of this

So off to the larger pub on the main road.

Hope you have a great night, whatever the result, londongirloftwo.

Let us know how it went.

My god, 1am and home at 4? Sack that! Id rather sleep 😴 💤 😌.