Going out at night.

[londongirloftwo]

Hello!

I'd like to watch the England and Mexico game at a local pub to me. Though not one I have been to before. It's well known as a well looked after pub with lovely food. More 'upmarket' than some.

My husband is against it as the game finishes at 3am / 4am and I would be walking home. Bit moody and doesn't see why I can't watch it at home. I've explained I'd like to enjoy the game with others keen to see the England game and cheer with them at each goal or even a win!

I feel this is unfair. I am in my forties. I have been on evenings out before. He likes to be awake when I get back. But on Monday is working so can't stay up.

Am I being unfair? Am I wrong to feel it is slightly controlling, or have I got this wrong and he is simply worried.

Thanks for perspectives on this.

I’m surprised at the answers as I’d think it would be completely fine!

I also live in London and if I wanted to go to something like this I would go. There’ll be loads of people about, it’ll be getting light, honestly, I can’t see the issue.

I mean you just order an uber when the game is finished, don’t you?

And I wouldn’t call Greenwich Park a nice area in terms of a lack of crime 😵‍💫

Exactly, I’m wondering if the OP actually lives anywhere near that area?

Hopefully you can get a few people going with you, sounds like you're going on your own at the moment which doesn't sound great.

I'm biased as I've been attacked on my way home and not even late at night, but after dark. Can you drive there and not drink?

I've seen that some pubs are staying open until 5am, I assume because of the possibility of extra time / penalties and maybe some post game celebrating if England do ok. If the pub you are going to is doing the same, and you can't drive there, I would stay until 5 and walk home then. There will be other people heading off to work (although not many) so the streets won't be as empty. It will be daylight and for whatever reason fewer women are attacked in daylight.

But if England have lost at 90 minutes you could be looking at a very different scenario. There will be a definite change in mood if not some unpleasantness and the pub closing straight after the game. You are unlikely to get a cab and would have to walk home alone at a time when women are more vulnerable. You might be fine or you might become a statistic. Is it worth it?

It is absolute shit that women have to weigh these things up and yes, most women get home unscathed. But there is always that chance and when it happens it is always life changing if not life ending. (To be honest I wouldn't like my husband to be walking the streets alone in the early hours as, although the motives are usually different, men are vulnerable too).

I really enjoy watching football in a pub, especially the World Cup but it isn't important enough to me to be walking home in the early hours alone. The next one is only four years away and hosted by Spain, Portugal and Morocco so the time difference won't make that necessary. I can wait.

I am a grown woman and do what I want why do woman need chaperones?

If he’s worried he can set an alarm and walk to meet you then go back to bed.

Hes being utterly ridiculous, youre an adult. Do what you want.

You know shes an adult not a child??

I am so very sorry.

I can understand why your husband does not want you to go.

I also have to say I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

I live in north London and walk home super late all the time alone - come out of clubs at 3/4/5 and hop on the tube or bus and walk back form the station 15 mins walk all the time

Nobody would be telling me - an adult - what to do

sounds a bit controlling to me tbh

I would just do it. He's probably worried he won't sleep but frankly that's his problem. I don't blame him for worrying but it is not a rational worry really.

There are no guarantees at any time but if you live your life as if men have the right to do what they want because you're out of the house alone at night they start to believe it. It's a world cup match, there will be loads of people about and it's not just men who watch football these days.

If he is that bothered he could walk and meet you.

Ps I live in London too, not all that far from you, and I have been walking alone late at night since my early 20s. There is an element of luck to being all right but it is mostly because most people are all right and London is not that dangerous.

I wouldn’t think twice about doing this. The people saying it’s terribly unsafe are the people who think London is a fiesta of crime and are afraid to go to the cinema alone.

The Vanbrugh is a nice pub, been many times so can see why you would want to watch the game there.

But if you think walking around there late at night is safe, then you are gravely mistaken. I lived a 10 min walk away for several years, I never walked home late at night. Yes that road and the surrounding roads are full of nice terraced houses, but Greenwich isn’t exactly a safe area, and that’s putting aside the extra precautions you realistically have to take as a woman.

Seems to be the solution is an Uber? England winning or losing doesn't mean Ubers won't be available

I would feel safer walking than getting an uber.

Yes it's a shame that get interpreted by some as controlling

He likes to be awake when I get back.

I would find this so incredibly suffocating. Neither DH nor I have any issue when the other is out late, which happens a lot. It doesn't occur to me to worry. We're both adults who have been out late by ourselves in London countless times, both before we met each other and since... we know how to be safe.

Football is not for me at any time of day or night but I still roll home from clubs at 4-5am sometimes, as I did in my 20s rather more frequently. I'm not blind to the risks but equally, I'm aware the likelihood of getting home safely far outweighs the likelihood of getting attacked. (Worst that's happened to me at that time was an attempted mugging.)

I doubt the OP will be the only woman in the pub, and I also doubt it'll be the testosterone-fuelled bearpit of some posters' fevered imaginations. I also assume that if the vibe of the pub is bad, OP will be able to sense it and leave.

I watch football regularly at pubs and have never had any issues with men there. I’ve rarely been the only woman there either. If I go to the pub (and I haven’t decided yet) then I’ll be coming home with my adult DS who works there.
But absolutely no one is going to tell me what to do.
I’m not in London so it is sensible to think about safety at that time of night, as I have, even in my very safe village. Book a taxi there and order one home when it’s done. You won’t be able to prebook as you won’t know what time it ends given the risk of storms delaying the start and potential for extra time and penalties. This should help allay your DH’s concerns.

I think DP is simply worried about your safety.I think its probably unsafe TBH. A pub full of loads of blokes drinking.What could go wrong! maybe see if you can walk with your NDN whats app group if possible

It's such a shame the world is like this. An advert came on the other day (think it was lenor) of people sleeping in fluffy, clean beds outside and I had an unrealistic moment of imagining what it would be like if there were no threats anywhere and you could get up to your own thing without worry.

I'm in 2 minds about going later, will play it by ear.