You do not have to be rich to have a breakdown

[UndertheCedartree]

I heard this recently - you have to be rich to have a breakdown. Meaning that those who are not wealthy have to 'just get on with it.' They can't have a mental breakdown as they have to work etc.

I really disagree with this. I had a serious mental breakdown and I can assure people that psychiatric hospitals are not full of wealthy people. I think this narrative is really dangerous as it makes people think they 'don't have time' to look after their mental health and the trouble is this then means a serious breakdown is more likely and at that point it is really not a choice. When you get sectioned you don't get a choice as to if you 'want' to have a breakdown or not as you need to work.

I think this also disproportionately affects women as there is the added narrative that you have to 'just get on with it' with the home and children. The truth is there are many mothers in hospital like I was.

I encourage people to choose to look after their mental health as otherwise you may end up being forced to look after it. Obviously, I'm not saying that you can always prevent these things but early intervention seems to have better outcomes.

I wouldn’t say that. It’s possible but very few people are hospitalised so the number of very wealthy in that is even smaller. Private facilities aren’t very good for life threatening mental illness

I’ve had severe chronic depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation since I was 12. I’ve been on antidepressants (which keep the very worst of it at bay but will never ‘cure’ it) for 30 years. And I’ve recently been diagnosed with autism and PTSD.

I’ve often felt unable to work due to my mental health; certainly I struggle to socialise most of the time because of it. I’ve definitely had weeks where I’ve not been functioning: where I’ve struggled to get out of bed and have felt that I really needed help.

I’ve had two breakdowns - one in my early 20s where I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and one in my 40s that led me to be diagnosed with PTSD. Both times I could only afford to take a few days off.

I’m now a freelancer so don’t get sick pay, but when I was working in a permanent role, I had so much time off with my mental health that I stopped receiving sick pay from my employer anyway. So I had to keep working, or I would have lost my home. I lived in London at the time and benefits wouldn’t have covered my bills and rent (I did look into it).

So in that sense, I do sort of disagree with your title. I guess if I’d been even more unwell than I was, I wouldn’t have been thinking of my home or my bills - but as it was, I thought “if I come out the other side if this, I’ll need somewhere to live”. The thought of putting my stuff into storage and what would happen if I gave up work (the admin and the cost of renting with bad references - that sort of thing) - was just beyond me. It was easier to just carry on. If I’d been wealthy, I’d have taken the time off I needed and not worried about anything other than my health.

I have a friend who has similar mental health problems to me. She lives in a flat that her dad has given to her, so doesn’t need to pay rent. She’s now stopped work altogether (in her 40s) because she’s not well enough to work - and I admit, I’m jealous that this is an option for her. She’s always saying to me that I need to take a break and I just say I can’t afford to.

I realise that at some point my mental health might get so bad that I’m forced into a complete break from work, but at the moment the fear of losing my home and belongings and also the administrative nightmare of getting back on my feet is what keeps me going.

Yes, this

This is true but there are plenty of private hospitals full of NHS patients (I was in one) as there are not enough beds for NHS patients.

Meant to add to my long post above: the reason I went freelance was so I can work from home. I have days where I can’t eat or shower or where I can’t stop crying. If I’m at home, no one sees that so I can mask.

If 'breakdown' means being a danger to yourself or others then I don't think this is a state of mind you have a choice about, can 'soldier on' with or 'get over'.

I think lack of understanding plays a big role. But from my view soldiering on risks a full breakdown where you will have no choice but to leave your children. I had all these fears myself. I guess it comes down to mental health still being quite a taboo subject and many people may not know someone who has been sectioned or even voluntarily hospitalised.

Where did I say that?!

Thank you. She is under a psychiatrist now and is doing much better. She has a part-time job in my friend's shop, which has helped her, in that she has a routine and it is building her confidence, but getting her to the point where she could do that was a long road. For the first few shifts, I had to go with her, or she physically could not bring herself to do it, even though she really wanted the job.

For me, i literally couldn't work. It was the oddest thing. I've always pushed through tough times and got on with it because that's what I was told to do.
Until one day something snapped and I was sat at my desk alternating between crying uncontrollably and sitting frozen and numb unable to do anything. Then I just couldn't get out of bed. It sounds ridiculous. I know. But I couldn't. It was awful.

It’s strange OP. Arguably the reverse is more true i.e. you can pay for more support. People (some) come out with all sorts of ridiculous theories. It’s as stupid as the argument that people who are self-employed don’t get life changing illnesses.

Literally never heard anyone say anything like this!

I don't think poorer people should have to create this illusion...which only goes so far before you can't keep up the illusion anymore and are unable to function. I think it is a dangerous narrative even more so for poor mums having 2 reasons 'to get on with it.'

Yes, exactly. Whereas perhaps if they didn't feel the need to just keep going they could get help earlier and avoid losing their children.

Yes it is a symptom of societal inequality. But the point is this is what they are referring to when they say "poor women can't..." or "only rich people can..". They mean they can acknowledge their mental health issues and seek good treatment for them without fear.

You’re ignoring the fact that some of us can mask when others can’t. In fact, for some, the illness is what allows the masking, despite being very seriously unwell.

Not everyone that becomes severely unwell gets sectioned either.

All I would say, is please seek as much support for your mental health now as sadly, I was like you but there came a point that I was unable to even have an awareness of bills or mortgage. I physically couldn't work, eat, sleep, shower...anything never mind care for my children. It is better to take a break than lose everything!

I hope you are getting some support 🌸

Because everything on the internet is correct

I'm agreeing with your OP.

Sounds like my mother. Growing up depression was for bored housewives and rich people. 🙄

That's good to hear. And lovely she has you and your friend to support her with the job - I imagine that must mean the world to her.

Thank you. I have a therapist and I’m on medication. I know what my triggers are and what is helpful. My partner is very understanding too.

I think that’s about as much as I can hope for - I don’t mean that in a self-pitying way, more realistic. I didn’t think I’d make it to 40, so to be here at all. is a small miracle in itself. Due to my childhood, I’ll always have poor mental health. I feel the best I can hope for is to be able to manage it most of the time.

I hope you’re doing ok too x

I'm sorry to hear that. I agree eventually something breaks and you are unable to do anything. I couldn't look after my children, work, study, shower, eat, sleep, or even move off the sofa. I was suicidal and psychotic. Very frightening.

Me neither before this! It wasn't only one saying or agreeing with it either.