DH regretting house purchase - don’t know what to do

[CoffeeBooksRats]

Has anyone else got experience of this or advice on what I should do…?

Me, DH and our three DC moved house 6 months ago into what was meant to be our “forever” house. We’ve already done a significant amount of work to the house and garden, kids are really settled, walking to school with friend who live on the same street etc.

DH now saying he regrets the house purchase due to location of the house (he likes the area but not the specific street due to traffic noise). He thinks that any changes we can make to the house (eg soundproofing) will never be enough and that we should put the house back on the market. For context it’s a b road in a city suburb. There is traffic noise, but it doesn’t bother the rest of us at all. We seem to be able to zone it out, but DH says he cannot.

I’m absolutely devastated and don’t know what to do. I find the stress of moving house incredibly difficult and I don’t want to uproot our family again. AIBU? What would you do? Does anyone have experience of this kind of situation?

We moved 4 months ago. It's a 4 bed boomer bungalow. I hated it for a few months. Think I am coming round to it. As him to give it a few more months?

As an aside we could not afford to move, the fees and tax are too much.

Thanks for your reply - I’m not sure we could afford to move again either!!

All I could hear was road noise when I first moved into this house. 14 years later I honestly can’t hear it. Now that might be because my kids are so bloody loud and my hearing isn’t what it was but it could also be because I’m no longer fixated on it.

I would be sympathetic to him but I would ask him to give it more time. Another 6 months. But earplugs. It might get better or worse over summer.

Perhaps agree to move in two to three years?
it might be that if he feels less stuck and trapped then he will feel
less anxious and slowly adapt to the noise.

Ask him to do the sums with you: how much would you actually lose by selling and moving so quickly?

The property market has stalled, it’s likely your house is already worth less than it was a few months ago, plus buyers will (understandably!) be suspicious that there is a major problem you have not disclosed and that’s why you’re moving so quickly, so assume you’ll have to discount in order to get a buyer. You could ask an agent for a realistic estimate for a quick sale, and then take 5-10 percent off that as they always exaggerate.

Then add up the other costs - moving costs, legal costs, SDLT, money on improvements.

So work out that total cost - is he ok with losing that much money in order to get away from the traffic noise? Are you? Is there anything else he can try, like wearing loop earplugs for example?

Thank you! I ordered him some loop earplugs yesterday and we are just waiting for those
to arrive.

I think this is a really good call. I think that the idea that this is “forever” might be making it worse, and if he knows it doesn’t have to be forever, he might stop fixating and feeling anxious about it.

It takes time for traffic noise to become white.
I wouldn't be moving in such circumstances.
He needs to give it time, like several years. Can you look at extra window pane sound proofing?

It’s definitely been worse over the heatwave with every possible window open! I have also suggested getting a couple of portable air conditioning units so we can cool rooms down without needing all the windows open - particularly the ones at the front of the house - but obviously every single air conditioner in the country is sold out right now!

OP, what will happen if you do move and there's something he doesn't like about the next house?

Another good suggestion, thank you. We are
having secondary glazing installed at the front of the house in a few weeks time. I am hoping this will make a significant difference, but he seems fixated on the idea that nothing will ever help.

Is he aware of other houses that would suit you more? I guess you found the best one you could at the time? Perhaps he needs to look at Rightmove and see that you did make the right decision?

This is a very good question, and he does have form for this!! We ended up pulling out of two previous purchases close to exchange because he had last minute cold feet and concerns he had kept to himself.

he’s going to have to suck it up. Moving is expensive.

Thanks, he is constantly looking at right move - six months on and nothing comparable/suitable has come up yet!

My parents said that when they first moved to the house I grew up in they couldn't stand the noise of the trains. I was puzzled when they said this as I'd never heard a train in all the years I lived there!

I agree with this.

A friend of mine moved abroad with her husband for his work. She didn't want to go, but he loved his job and was the main breadwinner, so she accepted it. However, they made a deal that if after 2 years she still wanted to return home, then they'd move back. After 2 years she was happy to stay, but it was comforting for her to know that the option to leave was there.

Sack off the glazing and get air con. You'll need to get it anyway if you can't open the windows due to noise and pollution. The gentle white noise of the air con will help.

I comment on all these to say I had huge regret and mental health issues when I moved into our 'forever home', ended up on anti depressants my anxiety got so bad. I think I put so much pressure on myself and then was almost on high alert for any possible flaw. 3 years on I'm truly happily settled here. What helped me was my husband saying give it 3-5 years and if we want to move then we can. That felt less pressured. Well, that and a year on antidepressants to take the anxiety away! Sympathies to you all, it's hard.

B roads are awful to try and sleep on in the summer when you want to leave a window open.

I dont notice the traffic noise the rest of the time.

Conveyancer here - the property market has massively stalled. Plus lots of mortgage lenders won’t lend on a property that has been recently ‘flipped’ so you will be reducing your potential pool of purchasers.

Helpful to know, thank you

My house is on a noisy B road, and I wouldn't buy on a fast traffic road again. Alpine sleep earplugs are really good.

I think this is a really common feeling, op.
Dh had it with our first house, and I had it with our current house.
It's such a huge decision and commitment for the vast majority of people, it causes a great deal of stress.