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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to distance myself after my friend missed my mum's funeral?

103 replies

HeartonSleeve85 · 29/06/2026 21:45

AIBU to fall out with a friend after she didn't show up at my mum's funeral?

For context, my 'friend' is very selfish and although we enjoy a night out once a month, there's not much more to it. We don't have anything in common - she's in her late 40s, is single with no kids and still behaves very childlike herself. I'm a people pleaser who hates confrontation so I've carried on this friendship for 13 years always hoping it will kind of fade off to be honest.

I am devastated to have lost my mum a few weeks ago and I am genuinely going through the toughest period of my life. My 'friend' has met my mum on several occasions and said she would be at my mum's funeral (even though she'd hinted that the location was an inconvenience as she doesn't drive). There was the option of a bus which would take around 30-40 mins or she latterly said her mum was going to give her a lift.

I have another friend who underwent a huge operation earlier this year, partially losing her vision, and she still made it on the bus.

Anyway, the original 'friend' didn't turn up and never told me she wasn't coming. I got an excuse that evening that she had a sore wrist (she broke her wrist a few weeks ago). I'm not sure how that stops someone sitting at a funeral but there we have it.

I'm supposed to be going to an event with her in a couple of weeks but to be honest, I can't face her and feel that this is my time to cut ties or at least indicate that I need space. Would I be unreasonable to be honest with her and tell her I need to be around more supportive people right now?

I am going through all the emotions and I am really not in the mood to entertain anyone's petty excuses after seeing how my mum suffered in hospital and feeling this broken hearted.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 30/06/2026 20:50

cubistqueen · 30/06/2026 17:52

Ahh so it’s another one of those tiresome childless people are so selfish posts then. Frankly she’s better off without you.
And yes, I do have kids.

Is that really necessary?
OP’s grief is still very raw. No need to be so unpleasant.

amber763 · 30/06/2026 20:54

Im so sorry about your mum and I get it. I really do. When my dad died i felt so angry at people who couldn't make it to his funeral. I didnt say anything at the time or cut them off and as time passed ive realised people just sometimes dont know how to be around grieving people or have work or stuff of their own going on.

Pinkissmart · 01/07/2026 22:11

BIossomtoes · 29/06/2026 22:03

Just one of my friends came to my parents’ funerals. There was no reason for any of the others to come. It’s a ridiculous reason to fall out with them.

This

Different people have very different and deeply held views about funerals. It’s not a reason to fall out

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