I know it's unreasonable because you're strangers on the internet, but give me your armchair diagnosis

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

It's my day off. I can't relax. This is me every day off. Up a height with anxiety. Frozen to the sofa wanting to move. Trying to sort tasks, then feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. On edge that my DH will come down and find me doing nothing and think I'm lazy. Endlessly worried about things I haven't done at work. Yet behind at work because I also have this weird, frozen thing there. Also can't go and buy clothes for myself, not showered today, feel anxious about really simple things like the shopping.

Technically shouldn't be on the edge of my nerves and on the brink of a breakdown, but am because I feel like this all the time.

I know it sounds like an anxiety disorder, but I have nothing to be anxious about - this inability to do things and constant thinking thinking thinking is the main thing that makes life difficult!

Are you like this? What is it? How do you fix it?

Have you looked into being diagnosed for ADHD @Ihaveneedofwaternear ?

@JacquesHarlow no. What makes you ask that? I'm not young, I feel like I would know by now if I had ADHD.

A while ago I posted a thread about not being to do a lot of self-care type things (teeth brushing, showering, buying clothes, doing hair etc - all so effortful!), and people on there suggested ADHD as well.

I know it sounds like an anxiety disorder, but I have nothing to be anxious about

That's why it's called a disorder - precisely because it's not a reaction to anything that warrants anxiety.

@compactmotif good point...

If you’re anxious for a reason, that’s not a disorder. But you are anxious for no external reason: that’s a disorder. Please talk to your GP, as well as looking into other support methods for anxiety and emotional wellbeing. Meditation, routine, exercise can all help.

I can feel like this at times. In my case it’s C-PTSD stemming from my childhood (where I was emotionally abused and highly anxious all the time).
However I have 2 friends who can also be like this and theirs is linked to their ADHD.
It’s definitely worth a trip to your GP as it can be dealt with.

Adhd.

Those days are hard to deal with. Do a list even things you should do anyway. That Atomic habits book is quite good. Even small things if you do them every single day at more or less the same time do eventually become a habit. It's a start.

I just went thruogh an ADHD diagnosis & follow up support process with my teenage daughter. It became perfectly clear to me that I have 95% of adhd behaviour. I'm 58 - I look back on my life very differnetly now.

Many of the things you describe are ADHD symptoms - its a lack of executive function and it can be paralyising. When you are spiraling about longs list which include brushing teeth, you need to do one thing. Just one thing. Say sit up in bed. Then the next thing - brush teeth. Once you get going you will likely become very fuctional. Getting going can be the problem but there are useful strategies.

thinkadhd.co.uk/adhd-and/adhd-and-executive-functioning/

Thank you, I've read this and tried. I've tried to eat the frog, setting timers, pomedero or whatever it's called. I don't seem to build habits - I know that sounds ridiculous, but I still don't have the habit of brushing my teeth after 40 years!

I have been in anxiety meds before a few times since my 20s but it's not really helps this underlying thing. It's much worse since I had my second child, I used to only get like this occasionally but now it's most of the time.

I thought it might be perimenopause, thought that would be the first suggestion tbh

I am like this. I could have written all of this.
Struggling with the guilt that I shouldn't feel like this, that I should be getting stuff done, that other people have real problems and still deal with life.
I've seen a psychologist, she has explained that all of this is my anxiety showing up. The overwhelm, the freeze, the need to continue being productive.
Medication and CBT have helped but I've reached burnout and am taking some time out of work. I owe it to myself to let my nervous system recover from the overthink, the constant mental tiredness. So do you.

I felt like this my whole life until I started taking antidepressants which worked for me in my early 30s - for depression but they helped with the constant anxiety. It stopped the constant feeling that I was forgetting something, that I was doing something wrong, being too worried to go somewhere then being late and worrying about that, the always feeling on edge, slightly sick... it was wonderful to feel 'normal'. I no longer take them and occasionally have a bit of a dip but I manage it now with CBT techniques.

This sort of feeling of paralysis and difficulty with transitions is classic ADHD. It's very common to be diagnosed in later life- when we were all young either ADHD wasn't on people's radar or it was solely associated with boys running around, so many many girls were missed (especially where their ADHD was more inattentive).

Would suggest a chat with your GP. There are also lots of strategies for improving executive function aimed at people with ADHD that you can try even without a diagnosis, such as body doubling.

Perimenopause can exacerbate neurodivergent traits. Everything you're experiencing is what to led to me receiving a dual diagnosis of autism and ADHD in my early 50s, and the relief and validation that there was good reason was enormous.

I'm medicated for ADHD, which has helped my anxiety and ability to focus enormously. I have workplace adjustments in place to support me.

You can ask for the latter without a diagnosis, as there are obvious areas where you could do with support to manage.

Be brave, in your next 121, ask your manager to refer you to occupational health if you have one. It's important to ask for support, and the difference in work is amazing.

I’ve been prone to this and I think it’s called functional freeze. It’s hard going, isn’t it. I find music helps me to shift into action.
I use things like L.theanine and Lavender to take the edge off the anxiety. I’m ok once I get going, it’s just that I don’t switch on readily.

Sounds like a textbook case of inattentive ADHD to me, and I bet my good friend Dr ChatGPT would agree.

I just want to express caution about the ADHD (or autism) framing. I absolutely knew that there would be posts suggesting this,because it is so, so "fashionable" at the moment.

Everyone feels stressed, overwhelmed and consequently paralysed a lot of the time. It is not, on its own, remotely a reason to suggest ADHD or autism. If it was, we should all be thinking of ourselves in that way.

You are overwhelmed. The reasons for that could be objectively stressful life conditions, a lack of adequate sleep or rest, an anxiety disorder, a history of trauma, depression, bad habits such as overuse of social media or alcohol or food, or (of course, as one possibility among many), some form of neurodivergence.

All best wishes for working out which it is and giving yourself the compassion and care to improve it. xxx

What makes me ask that?

Because it's not something that only affects the young, and you don't have a tiny window to get it diagnosed in.

Go and aggregate up all the replies on this thread @Ihaveneedofwaternear and see how many mention it. I may have been the first to mention ADHD on here; I won't be the last...

I have thought about this a lot lately. How much of the issue is that modern life and demands are objectively unhealthy for humans, and how much of it is a 'disorder'???

Sounds like burn out. Look up spoons theory to, could that be you?

@JacquesHarlow sorry if my response seemed aggressive! It wasn't meant to be, it was curiosity. Now I see so many other posters have also mentioned it...

@Catsandbooksaremybag I can't bring it up at work because it will reveal how shit I am, and I feel like I probably haven't got ADHD or anything like that, I'm just bad at my job and holding an objectively easy life together.

@MyThreeWords thanks, I do feel overwhelmed. But I feel so embarrassed about that because I shouldn't be. I don't get good sleep ever but it's not horrendous. Job is high responsibility and busy (NHS) but I work part-time. My kids are no harder than anyone else's. Older one possibly (probably) neurodivergent but clever and capable, so the main issue is his anxiety (ironically), but it's not that difficult.

I just feel so frustrated, like I'm wasting my own amazing life being like this. Then annoyed at what a first world problem it is. And like the GP would be like "why are you even here?".

ADHD comes to mind. Pretty classic. Anxiety isn't uncommon in people who have lived life with unsupported ADHD too.

I see it more of a Difference rather than a Disorder.

For me certainly this "difference" in operating system was expereienced by myself as me fucking up, me not being as good as other people etc - it was very easy to sprial negatively about stuff.

Now I understand myself as having different needs, different prioriites than many people around me. And that is OK. I am understanding myself a little better every day.

Definitely sounds very much like adhd and often women find they can cope until later when perimenopause hits and then the wheels fall off and life unravels

Thanks @StormGazing . I have looked it up and sometimes it feels like that, but then I have a good day or a good few days where I'm on it and get loads sorted and feel better than this.

I agree with PPs about the ADHD vs modern life and not pathologising normal experiences, but it's been so long I've felt like this this time, and it's been happening my whole life. Then on my good days/during good periods I just think "you're such a silly billy, there's nothing wrong with you, you're fine". Then I get back down here and think "why am I like this?"