I have a so called friend who I work with, who I am now realising is not really my friend.
She has been having some relationship issues, in which she’s been very upset. I’ve been consoling her about all of it and giving her my honest advice, whilst saying that if she doesn’t follow my advice I understand and i’ll still be there for her.
I’ve now found out from a mutual friend that she said I’m awful and horrible and she doesn’t want to tell me anything anymore as I’m giving her horrible advice! Now I’m a grown up, if she’d said this to my face then I’d have understood and accepted it. But to say it behind my back is like we’re 12. She also doesn’t like my advice because I’m not telling her what she wants to hear (I think good friends should sometimes tell you hard things!).
Additionally, we work together. She has come from a very privileged background, which is great for her. She hasn’t had to pay for university etc as her parents paid for it all for her. I know anyone would do this for their kids if they could. However, it’s given her a major superiority complex and meant that she thinks she’s so much better than me. I had to take out student loans for my degree and am now very grateful to be on a funded apprenticeship through my workplace.
I work hard for where I am and I am proud of what I have achieved. I come from a poor family, I am the first to go to university, and I am lucky enough to own my own home all through hard work. I got a full time job for 3 years after leaving school and saved it all to be able to afford my home.
Anyway, she is always making passive aggressive comments about how “she’ll be in a senior position much sooner than me” as her parents paid for her to do her exams so I’m behind. I don’t see it as being behind, I see it as my journey is a different path, but I still think her comments are rude.
If I ever ask a colleague a question at work, she jumps in and answers and laughs that I didn’t know the answer already.
The latest thing is that she told a friend that I have “poor work ethic” and am lazy, due to the fact that I start at my start time and finish at my finish time. She often starts half an hour early and leaves an hour late. I feel this says more about her being unable to manage her workload appropriately, than it does me. For what it’s worth, if I had a big project on, I can (and do) stay to finish. I just don’t need to do that every day!
Also, my line manager is very happy with my work, and I get good feedback regularly. I feel it’s up to them to criticise my work ethic if there is an issue.
She also loves to brag that she “knows things” that I don’t know, for example when new staff are starting. She likes to make it clear she’s chatting more to colleagues and how I’m not involved and aren’t in their group chat etc. again, just feels like such childish behaviour!
Without wanting to be rude, I feel that because I live with my husband who is kind and caring and we love each other, I think she’s jealous of me. She has this paper “perfect” life, but is not happy, and I think she’s jealous that my life was much more difficult and yet I am happy.
Im getting really sick of her snide comments, and I’m not even more annoyed that she’s been slagging me off behind my back for really no reason.
aibu to confront her about this? Or should I just distance and try to avoid her and fizzle out the friendship?
I feel like by not saying anything I’m allowing her to think it’s acceptable to act that way.