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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
TerfOnATrain · 28/06/2026 11:03

YANBU, I would have threatened to report her to the RSPCA if you ever saw her horse in that state again. I would also respond o the group chat with the truth.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 28/06/2026 11:06

What an ungrateful bitch. In this warm weather too. The poor horse. Is she mental?
you did everything you could for that horse

Charel2girl5 · 28/06/2026 11:10

Definitely respond to the group chat with the truth. Show the stupid woman up for what she is. What an absolute bitch!
And to verbally attack a child who obviously has ten times more sense than she does is outrageous.

VIII · 28/06/2026 11:12

Talk about no good deed goes unpunished. I would definitely ask the barn owner to respond to the group chat.

I hope the barn rats got extra ice cream or lessons for all their hard work. Halo

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:12

I'm trying not to be unprofessional in writing. Verbally, that ship has sailed but I'm restraining myself on the chat.

It was 37 fucking degrees Friday. He had no water refill after 7 o clock that morning until late morning Saturday when the kids realised. I don't even know if she did it then since she put him straight out. OK there was water in the field while he was out during the day but nothing overnight. No hay overnight either. No dinner, no breakfast. Poor Dom.

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 28/06/2026 11:14

The woman is ridiculous.

If I was the boss I would be writing a calm but very firm letter, outlining the circumstances, that the horse was in distress and insist that if it should not be allowed to happen again.

If I was you I would make sure everyone knows what happened (but not on line). You had plenty of witnesses, I'm sure the truth is out there, and everyone knows who to blame, no matter how much of a fuss the horrible cow kicks up

frockandcrocs · 28/06/2026 11:15

You absolutely did the right thing by the horse and that is a that matters.

She should not have a horse if she is not going to meet that most basic of needs.

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 11:18

She’s lucky that you or the yard owner didn’t report to the RSPCA or equivalent. I think in the owner’s shoes I’d be rethinking whether I wanted such an irresponsible owner in my yard. Even if she had some acute health emergency, you can’t just ‘Whoops!’ out on a horse for that long.

MabelAnderson · 28/06/2026 11:18

TerfOnATrain · 28/06/2026 11:03

YANBU, I would have threatened to report her to the RSPCA if you ever saw her horse in that state again. I would also respond o the group chat with the truth.

This ! Horse with no water in high Summer ! Appalling, and no food either. It sounds as though she went on the attack as she knows she ill treated him. Why hadn’t she been in to see him that morning and the night before ?

Uricon2 · 28/06/2026 11:18

Of course YANBU.

What did she say when you (rightfully) pointed out she'd abandoned her horse for 48 hours?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 28/06/2026 11:19

I know nothing about horses.

My immediate thought, before I read any replies was

RSPCA report.

This is unacceptable from her, if it were a dog or a cat she would be reported.

She should be thanking and bringing flowers / chocolates not bitching.

AAudreyHorne · 28/06/2026 11:19

Karen is a fucking disgrace. Of course you did the right thing by caring for Dom.

Do the livery users have a contract with the yard owner? Is there anything written into that about what they will do if a private livery horse appears to have been abandoned? Surely the yard owner has rules about livery horses that no one turns up to look after?????

BoredZelda · 28/06/2026 11:20

You did the right thing, you know you did. If I were the stable owner, I’d be evicting her and her horse.

But, presumably there is something in the T&Cs about what happens if a horse is left unattended for a period of time? If there isn’t, there should be.

Did she say where she had been?

liveforsummer · 28/06/2026 11:22

YWBU to give a horse random hard feed - especially a hungry one. Hay and water would have been plenty. It also would have been a good idea to move him to the correct paddock when you realised the mistake but obviously not unreasonable to supply the hay you had available to you or the water. What was her excuse for not turning up?

liveforsummer · 28/06/2026 11:23

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 11:18

She’s lucky that you or the yard owner didn’t report to the RSPCA or equivalent. I think in the owner’s shoes I’d be rethinking whether I wanted such an irresponsible owner in my yard. Even if she had some acute health emergency, you can’t just ‘Whoops!’ out on a horse for that long.

Given the language used im not sure OP is in the UK

Isitholidayyet · 28/06/2026 11:24

She needs to be told to leave. Poor horse!

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:25

She just said that something important had come up, she had to be with her daughter and it wasn't like no one was here. Daughter is 17 and they are a 2 parent family, so why one of them couldn't have come to look after Dom, god knows. Or at least text us.

Someone on the chat would have helped with him or failing that, she could have paid for 1 days emergency full livery which would have cost her £38. That covers the staff member caring for him and his food/hay/bedding top up.7

OP posts:
Kalimeras · 28/06/2026 11:26

You didn’t do anything wrong in terms ofthe horses welfare - the horse needed caring for.

However the lady who brought him in shouldn’t have left him without hay and water even if it’s not her horse. If she didn’t know what to do and couldn’t contact the owner she should have alerted staff that she’d brought in. Why aren’t staff doing final checks of all the horses before everyone goes home? Why isn’t there a clearly written field plan with which horse goes where if you’re relying on children to do the work?

the owner was completely in the wrong but it seems like there could be a few simple things that could be changed to prevent this sort of thing happening again. Even if you add an extra charge to DIY liveries to cover late night checks and then charge if haynets need filling, skipping out needs doing etc.

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

Kalimeras · 28/06/2026 11:27

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

It is in America. Not common in the UK

Littlebitpsycho · 28/06/2026 11:28

Karen needs billing for 2 days of full livery whether she agrees with it or not and given a written warning from the yard manager.

I mean she also needs a smack in the face but I wouldn't recommend that part 🤷‍♀️

VIII · 28/06/2026 11:30

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

That was all you took from the post, really??

It's an affectionate term used quite often in stables. You not liking it adds precisely nothing to the topic of the OPs post and it's odd you felt compelled to comment.

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 11:31

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

It’s neutral, even affectionate, as a way of describing teenagers who hang out at a stable doing chores habitually. See also mall rats.

Deliaskis · 28/06/2026 11:33

At our yard, the jobs round have been done, she would be charged double, and she would be soundly told off and warned it's not to happen again. You would have been thanked by the yard owner for noticing and intervening.

Teeed · 28/06/2026 11:33

I see this slightly differently, perhaps.

Someone else brought the horse in which is the reason he was not fed or watered. Playing devils advocate, had he been left on the field where Karen thought he was, he would not have been without?