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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
AmadeustheAlpaca · 28/06/2026 18:08

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 17:33

No its just the first K name that came to mind. I tend to change names to close alternatives like like Sophie might become Sarah or Karen might become Kara.

Thanks for clarifying this, I'm sensitive about how the name Karen has become an insult for certain people, but I take your point.

Littlebitpsycho · 28/06/2026 18:08

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:47

Thanks, I used to work with horses professionally, I don't need people who think they are "knowledgeable horsey people" to tell me how they work. Being out in a field overnight for one night is not going to do a horse any lasting harm, certainly less potential lasting harm than leaving them locked in a small stable with no food or water on a boiling hot day. Obviously it's not ideal - something I already said - but nor is it the end of the world. Karen shouldn't have been rude about it, especially not to a child, but also we don't actually know what happened with her daughter, for all we know it was an absolute crisis, she already feels stressed out and bad and then arrives at the stable only to find that rather than being left in his familiar field as she thought, everyone else has taken it upon themselves to move her horse around like a merry-go-round, leaving him without food and water, chucking him in with unfamiliar fieldmates, and now apparently the problems this has caused are all her fault. I'd be pissed off too.

@Zoonosis glad you don't anymore!

You're correct in that one night out generally won't do any harm, however if the horse was to be left out alone (which OP said he would have been) that would be not only stressful for the horse but incredibly dangerous.

As you were a "professional" you will know that horses are herd animals, and you will also know that "professional" standards dictate that you NEVER leave a horse out on its own.

Had they done so, and the horse been injured, that opens up a whole new can of worms. They did the right thing, and I hope the stupid owner who thought it fine to let nobody know that her USUAL routine had changed gets charged a load of extra money and ordered to apologise

deeahgwitch · 28/06/2026 18:39

I presume the lack of water and food for the horse in the heat the UK and Ireland have experienced in the past few days was also truly concerning @Zoonosis

IntoTheRoseGarden · 28/06/2026 18:43

TerfOnATrain · 28/06/2026 11:03

YANBU, I would have threatened to report her to the RSPCA if you ever saw her horse in that state again. I would also respond o the group chat with the truth.

I would report her if she ever moves Dom away. He could be in jeopardy.

Cherrysoup · 28/06/2026 18:51

You did the right thing (bar the feed, that wasn't necessary) but if she hasn't messaged and ignored your messages, then she should be billed and bollocked.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 18:54

NiftyZebra · 28/06/2026 17:27

As a yard owner this is a reason I do not offer DIY livery, I like to know all the horses are where they should be and fed and watered at all times. The only possible mistake I see in this situation is the livery who caught Dom in should have notified and member of staff or the yard owner so he was checked on the Friday evening. Not leaving a single horse out on it's own is a very usual yard rule so I can totally understand why the lady brought him in. Karen should definitely been in touch as soon as she knew she wasn't going to be at the yard and let the staff/YO know that she was intending to leave him out overnight - assuming this was permitted in her livery agreement.

Yeah this is it. Cascade of little things that no one has mentioned. No one would otherwise check on the diy liveries except to fill up field buckets through the day, unless we actually know the owner hasn't been down. They literally just rent a stable and grazing space, all care is on them.

Other lady has assumed Karen is running late and brought Dom in. Yard owner has seen him appear in his stable at the appropriate time and assumed that Karen had been and gone. It's only when he didn't go out at the expected time, anyone realised she hadn't.

OP posts:
XelaM · 28/06/2026 19:48

OP I would ignore @Zoonosis as they sound a bit mental.

Many of us horse owners here. Well done for taking care of poor Dom!

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 20:30

Think she's having a bit of regret as she just left and hasn't spoken to any of us but did leave a pack of cokes for the kids. Just did Dom and left.

OP posts:
allthegoodnamesaregonearentthey · 28/06/2026 21:36

did she think he was still out in the field where she left him? Would he have been ok out there ie water etc if the other person hadnt brought him in?

XelaM · 28/06/2026 21:54

allthegoodnamesaregonearentthey · 28/06/2026 21:36

did she think he was still out in the field where she left him? Would he have been ok out there ie water etc if the other person hadnt brought him in?

You shouldn't leave a horse on his own over night when all his friends have been brought in. They could panic and hurt themselves. Our horses would go mental if they were left on their own.

RandomUsernameHere · 28/06/2026 22:18

The owner was obviously completely unreasonable. There should be a process in place to check the horses twice a day, in case something like this happens again or in case an owner is in an accident or something and is unable to contact the yard.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 28/06/2026 22:41

You’re great. I have no words for her.

Kalimeras · Today 09:15

Interesting that the YO lied about “carefully considering where the horse goes” rather than owning up to the fact one of the helpers accidentally put him in the wrong place. Yard is very lucky none of the horses were injured. It all sounds like a bit of a mess, organisation wise.

field plan needs doing so the unpaid child labour doesn’t make the same mistake, and late night/last thing check of all the horses should be happening, DIY or not. liveries should be telling staff about an issue and not sorting things out themselves without telling anyone.

Im glad my yard doesn’t operate like this

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