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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
Cannybeme · 28/06/2026 12:10

You were not being unreasonable. You saw an animal in distress and dealt with it. You tried calling owner several times to no avail.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 12:11

Never not turned up before. She's a bit standoffish, has a few people she chats to but mostly she's in and out 7am and 8pm like clockwork.

OP posts:
Cannybeme · 28/06/2026 12:12

Teeed · 28/06/2026 11:33

I see this slightly differently, perhaps.

Someone else brought the horse in which is the reason he was not fed or watered. Playing devils advocate, had he been left on the field where Karen thought he was, he would not have been without?

But still OP found this animal in distress. Tried to contact the owner with no luck. Poor animal would have been waiting all day with no water in a mucky stall.

Marieb19 · 28/06/2026 12:20

I'd be telling her to find a new livery yard. You can't accept bullying of staff or volunteers.

QuirkyHorse · 28/06/2026 12:26

Time for her to be handed her notice!

I am on a purely DIY yard. If anyone new moves into our barn, we ask that if we notice things "wrong" are they happy for one of us to rectify it.
Noone has ever said no and we all look out for each other's horses, that's the way it should be.

Heylittlesongbird · 28/06/2026 12:30

I don’t know much about horses, but presumably if you hadn’t stepped in it would likely have been fatal for the horse to have no food or drink for that long in this heat?

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 12:35

whatsadentist · 28/06/2026 11:46

And is ‘Karen’ her real name or just another slur?

As someone called Karen I am still getting pissed off with this.

Not her real name but similar. It's just the first K name that came to mind.

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 12:37

Heylittlesongbird · 28/06/2026 12:30

I don’t know much about horses, but presumably if you hadn’t stepped in it would likely have been fatal for the horse to have no food or drink for that long in this heat?

If he'd been left another night possibly. I don't know when he finished his water so not sure. He'd grazed yesterday while out so he wouldn't starve that quickly, although he may get stomach ulcers. Biggest threat is colic. We're watching him closely.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 28/06/2026 12:38

Is the owner planning to send a unsubtle message reminding all owners that if horses are found in this state and the owner can not be reached despite reasonable efforts, the cost will be £xxx and RSPCA will be notified? Because they should.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 12:39

Agapornis · 28/06/2026 12:38

Is the owner planning to send a unsubtle message reminding all owners that if horses are found in this state and the owner can not be reached despite reasonable efforts, the cost will be £xxx and RSPCA will be notified? Because they should.

She probably already has sent an email. She was unimpressed and is charging her for the bedding and feed/hay.

OP posts:
Looklively · 28/06/2026 12:40

The poll says it all OP - you were/ are most definitely in the right and are doing the best thing by venting here and remaining professional on the yard chat. I doubt anyone could know the facts and not agree with your actions. Now that you’ve got validation here, be sure to calmly put your manager and the livery owner straight, and in writing, to make sure there is a clear chronology of events and responsibilities. Feel for you though - nobody likes to see an animal suffering! X

Elieza · 28/06/2026 12:43

britnay · 28/06/2026 12:07

Yard owner here. YANBU.
However:
Barn manager should have been aware that the horse wasn't being attended to and made sure that it had been taken care of appropriately.

Barn manager should have been the one trying to contact the owner.
Barn manager should be giving that horse owner notice for A) not attending to their horse and not organising for anyone else to do it B) being abusive towards staff who were taking care of her horse as well as possible, given that they could not access her supplies C) continuing to be abusive online.
I would give her 48 hours notice for that. She would not be permitted on site and the horse would be kept on full livery until departure, payable in full by the livery.

this.

if the horse owner and yard owner could not be contacted then i’d expect the girls there to do the sensible thing. I would hope someone would do that for me. Both couod have been, god forbid, in the same car accident and hospitalised unconscious. Someone needs to step up.

if i were the yard owner id do a nightly patrol anyway to make sure all were securely locked down and had water.

That poor horse. I hope he’s ok today. I’d keep an eye on him if i were his owner to make sure he’s out of the woods. Colic is a swine. But i imagine she won’t do anything as she seems like an idiot.

what did she think would happen if she left that poor animal without water at the very bare minimum? fool.

you probably saved that horses life.

on all my yards we all left our breakfasts outside the doors the night before (in lidded wood or plastic boxes of necessary due to vermin) and the first one up would chuck them over the door. (no opening indoors so no risk of accidents) That way nobody is left starving. It’s cruel to feed only some. Feed all at once. You’d also know immediately if someone hadn’t been looked after. (You leave a note instead if nil by mouth for whatever reason eg vet)

honestly i’d be considering having a word with the yard owner again and raise concerns and ask what could be put in place to prevent this happening again.

I’d also consider now phoning the rspca (or sspca in scotland) and asking advice as it’s negligent to just leave a horse effectively abandoned. she is an arse. yeah her kid was sick but wtaf.

Brunchatstephanies · 28/06/2026 12:46

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:12

I'm trying not to be unprofessional in writing. Verbally, that ship has sailed but I'm restraining myself on the chat.

It was 37 fucking degrees Friday. He had no water refill after 7 o clock that morning until late morning Saturday when the kids realised. I don't even know if she did it then since she put him straight out. OK there was water in the field while he was out during the day but nothing overnight. No hay overnight either. No dinner, no breakfast. Poor Dom.

Write the facts and nothing else, include the temperature and the state of the horse and leave it at that. She should be kicked out of the livery arrangement for neglecting her animal.

Ethelspagetti · 28/06/2026 12:46

She has a nerve. You, the child and the lady obviously did a wonderful thing looking after him. What was the alternative?! Leaving him for days without food, water and clean bedding?! Just watched him die?! Of course you should always intervene! I’m glad you did ❤️

Happyjoe · 28/06/2026 12:47

Thank god you were there to help, I am pleased people like you exist. The animal is totally dependent of us humans when like this - and she let the poor horse down. No water, no food, in this heat?? She's a prize tosser who's selfish. If she does it again, she needs reporting.

I had similar argument with a twat who kept chickens down the allotment. I had a plot for 5 years and to this day I have no idea what this bloke looks like as he's never there. He took 4 chickens down in a rickety old cage, was never there to feed or water them. All the allotment holders took over the care and online group chat I told him off. I got it in the neck from him, a real nasty nasty piece of work. The chickens went 'missing' after that exchange, I think one of the other allotment holders took them and looked after them.

Justveryveryangry · 28/06/2026 12:51

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

And that’s what you took from this thread? Jesus wept.

caringcarer · 28/06/2026 12:56

Why the fuck didn't she just ask someone else on group chat to please feed and water her horse. Very irresponsible owner. Poor horse obviously very distressed. You did nothing wrong but you should be giving owner a final warning not to abandon her horse again.

Magicpaintbrush · 28/06/2026 12:58

She left her horse without water in the middle of a heatwave? What a stupid woman! Thank goodness you were there to help him. She might have come vack to a collapsed/dead horse if you hadn't. Ungrateful bitch! You did absolutely the right thing!

fivepastmidnight · 28/06/2026 13:00

I would copy and paste and abbreviated version of your first message into the group chat and say just to balance the fiction with fact.

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:06

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

Lol you weren't a horsey kid. You literally couldn't beat tween and teen girls (generally) away from a yard full of horses.

Boobyslims · 28/06/2026 13:07

That’s awful. She should have been so grateful you all stepped in and looked after her horse.

Did she say anything about where she was, or what has stopped her routine? Not that it’s the point. Just curious / nosey!!

The poor kid getting chewed out. That’s really so not on.

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:06

Lol you weren't a horsey kid. You literally couldn't beat tween and teen girls (generally) away from a yard full of horses.

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:10

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

You couldn’t have pried me away from the stables from age 6 onwards
i was often there from the crack of dawn until 6-7pm
even adults do it, you say “I’m just popping to the yard, be an hour or so…”
7hrs later….

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:11

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

Why? They’re helping, they enjoy it, they’re getting fresh air and exercise and life experience and they’re safe and their parents know where they are