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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
Stella1366 · 28/06/2026 13:12

I hope the horse owner is on MN!

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 13:12

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:11

Why? They’re helping, they enjoy it, they’re getting fresh air and exercise and life experience and they’re safe and their parents know where they are

Yes, it's how I spent a fair bit of my teens, too.

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:16

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

They are usually very helpful and hard working

oliviaAustin · 28/06/2026 13:24

I’d just reply saying ‘sorry I got it a bit wrong, I was trying to keep your horse from getting ill during the heatwave after you neglected him. I won’t help him in future and will call the RSPCA instead.’

oliviaAustin · 28/06/2026 13:25

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

Nah you don’t. They’re helping, having fun and learning. They’re safe.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:26

Teeed · 28/06/2026 11:33

I see this slightly differently, perhaps.

Someone else brought the horse in which is the reason he was not fed or watered. Playing devils advocate, had he been left on the field where Karen thought he was, he would not have been without?

Yes, this is surely a factor, as far as Karen was concerned he was still in the field, which meant he had access to grass and water. Perhaps not ideal for 2 days but he would have been okay. The person who brought him in might have meant well but it's their fault he was left in a stable in his own filth without food and water, they should have informed someone - ideally both Karen and the yard staff - that they'd brought him in. Doesn't excuse her kicking off at a child, but she's not wrong her horse was meddled with when he was probably better off being left where he was.

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 28/06/2026 13:38

"Barn rats" and "prone to sillyfuckery" are the kind of views that really put me off the horsey set.

Darragon · 28/06/2026 13:39

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:26

Yes, this is surely a factor, as far as Karen was concerned he was still in the field, which meant he had access to grass and water. Perhaps not ideal for 2 days but he would have been okay. The person who brought him in might have meant well but it's their fault he was left in a stable in his own filth without food and water, they should have informed someone - ideally both Karen and the yard staff - that they'd brought him in. Doesn't excuse her kicking off at a child, but she's not wrong her horse was meddled with when he was probably better off being left where he was.

Edited

So you haven’t read the information from knowledgeable horsey people explaining why this course of action was actually dangerous for the horse then? RTFT!

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 13:40

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 13:12

Yes, it's how I spent a fair bit of my teens, too.

Ditto.

OP, that poor horse. I'm yet another one saying you did the right thing.

squashyhat · 28/06/2026 13:42

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 28/06/2026 13:38

"Barn rats" and "prone to sillyfuckery" are the kind of views that really put me off the horsey set.

I'm sure they are doing OK without you 🙄

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/06/2026 13:43

I am pretty sure that the Yard owner/manager has a legal duty of care to the animals on the yard, so if she HAD left Dom stood in with no water/food, fetlock deep in his own piss and shit, she'd be committing an animal welfare offence!

The livery contract should state what will happen if the owner does not show, and what the charge for that will be, but even if it doesn't, the law still applies and leaving a horse without water for any period (excluding actively being ridden) is against the law in the UK.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:47

Darragon · 28/06/2026 13:39

So you haven’t read the information from knowledgeable horsey people explaining why this course of action was actually dangerous for the horse then? RTFT!

Thanks, I used to work with horses professionally, I don't need people who think they are "knowledgeable horsey people" to tell me how they work. Being out in a field overnight for one night is not going to do a horse any lasting harm, certainly less potential lasting harm than leaving them locked in a small stable with no food or water on a boiling hot day. Obviously it's not ideal - something I already said - but nor is it the end of the world. Karen shouldn't have been rude about it, especially not to a child, but also we don't actually know what happened with her daughter, for all we know it was an absolute crisis, she already feels stressed out and bad and then arrives at the stable only to find that rather than being left in his familiar field as she thought, everyone else has taken it upon themselves to move her horse around like a merry-go-round, leaving him without food and water, chucking him in with unfamiliar fieldmates, and now apparently the problems this has caused are all her fault. I'd be pissed off too.

britnay · 28/06/2026 13:53

It sounds like it was yard policy for the horses to be brought in at night, hence the other livery not wanting him to be out alone. You have no idea how this horse would react to being out alone. Some will be happy as larry, as long as there is grass to eat. Some will panic and try to jump fences in order to get to other horses. I used to have a livery horse that would panic if you tried to lead it anywhere in or out by itself. You always had to lead it with another horse, otherwise it would panic and bolt.

Allthegoodhorses · 28/06/2026 14:02

PrincessofWills · 28/06/2026 11:37

The horse should have been left out in the field. People interfering is what has caused the whole situation.

Im assuming you don't know anything about horses. Most horses get extremely distressed if left out when every other horse is brought in from the field. When I go to do my horse in the morning on a solely DIY yard I normally have to bring my neighbouring field horse in too as she gets upset being left by herself which causes far more issues than just simply grabbing her in. Also we do not know if the field had shade and in the heat of last week most horses would have been better off in a covered stable.

Allthegoodhorses · 28/06/2026 14:06

Teeed · 28/06/2026 11:33

I see this slightly differently, perhaps.

Someone else brought the horse in which is the reason he was not fed or watered. Playing devils advocate, had he been left on the field where Karen thought he was, he would not have been without?

Playing devils advocate with no knowledge. Most horses can not be left out in a field if the rest of the herd is in. Even if they don't share a field with horses. If I bring my horse in from her field I then have to bring the neighbouring horse in from her field as she gets extremely distressed being out there alone. This includes cantering around neighing her head off, which in the heat of last week is not a great look. Also we do not know if the field had any shade and again with the heat of last week most horses would be stabled to get some respite during the day.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:08

Yard owner has shut down the drama on the group chat. Sent the message

" @Karen Please stop creating drama in the group. The situation was of your making. You have not ever failed to see to Dom before and when you had been absent for 2 visits in a row, had not arranged care for him, and did not respond to messages from myself and Balloons, we were, understandably, very concerned for your wellbeing, which is why Balloons messaged the group looking for you.

I'm sorry you are unhappy with his fieldmates but he was quite content with them and came to no harm. We always consider compatibility of horses when turning out and he was placed with a docile group. As you well know, we do not carry haylage. We gave Dom as close as possible to his normal ration, from what we had.

I will reiterate that all DIY liveries MUST attend their horses a minimum of twice per day or arrange alternative care where necessary. Emergency care from my staff will be chargeable and abuse of staff or volunteers will not be tolerated.

I will be at the yard until 9pm, if you have any further concerns, please address them with me directly.

I do not appreciate gossip and drama in my yard and this is the last I want to hear of it."

I'm glad I didn't rise to it now, think I've kept the higher ground.

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 28/06/2026 14:10

Sounds like the kids who noticed he was distressed have more care annd attention than the fecker who left him without food and water!
yanbu!! She should have been so bloody grateful!

CurtsyFriends · 28/06/2026 14:14

Sounds like the yard owner has sent a very appropriate message. Well done to them!

Loulou4022 · 28/06/2026 14:15

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:25

She just said that something important had come up, she had to be with her daughter and it wasn't like no one was here. Daughter is 17 and they are a 2 parent family, so why one of them couldn't have come to look after Dom, god knows. Or at least text us.

Someone on the chat would have helped with him or failing that, she could have paid for 1 days emergency full livery which would have cost her £38. That covers the staff member caring for him and his food/hay/bedding top up.7

Edited

Her daughter is no excuse! He’s a living breathing animal and sounds like there is a chat where she could have just messaged to ask someone to feed and water him! Shocking behaviour!

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 14:16

Allthegoodhorses · 28/06/2026 14:06

Playing devils advocate with no knowledge. Most horses can not be left out in a field if the rest of the herd is in. Even if they don't share a field with horses. If I bring my horse in from her field I then have to bring the neighbouring horse in from her field as she gets extremely distressed being out there alone. This includes cantering around neighing her head off, which in the heat of last week is not a great look. Also we do not know if the field had any shade and again with the heat of last week most horses would be stabled to get some respite during the day.

OP has said this regarding the heat in the fields verses the stables: "The side fields are shaded and have a stream running through the back. The stables are like an oven atm, the heat hits you as you walk in. They're better off out."

Obviously the bulk of the problems OP describes here - no food, no water, left in their own mess, left in a hot stable - happened because the horse was brought in by another yard user; Karen wasn't to know someone had moved him in or that he was left in this state for nearly half of the following day.

Crumpetring · 28/06/2026 14:17

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:08

Yard owner has shut down the drama on the group chat. Sent the message

" @Karen Please stop creating drama in the group. The situation was of your making. You have not ever failed to see to Dom before and when you had been absent for 2 visits in a row, had not arranged care for him, and did not respond to messages from myself and Balloons, we were, understandably, very concerned for your wellbeing, which is why Balloons messaged the group looking for you.

I'm sorry you are unhappy with his fieldmates but he was quite content with them and came to no harm. We always consider compatibility of horses when turning out and he was placed with a docile group. As you well know, we do not carry haylage. We gave Dom as close as possible to his normal ration, from what we had.

I will reiterate that all DIY liveries MUST attend their horses a minimum of twice per day or arrange alternative care where necessary. Emergency care from my staff will be chargeable and abuse of staff or volunteers will not be tolerated.

I will be at the yard until 9pm, if you have any further concerns, please address them with me directly.

I do not appreciate gossip and drama in my yard and this is the last I want to hear of it."

I'm glad I didn't rise to it now, think I've kept the higher ground.

I’m so glad the owner has backed you OP and shut the drama down, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 14:18

Also isn't it rather outing to include verbatim the entire message to the group chat?

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:31

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 28/06/2026 13:38

"Barn rats" and "prone to sillyfuckery" are the kind of views that really put me off the horsey set.

Prone to sillyfuckery is horses all over. Google stupid horse injuries. They do dumb shit, eat dumb shit, try to jump over dumb shit. A horses mission in life is to kill itself as creatively as it possibly can.

OP posts:
Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 14:41

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:31

Prone to sillyfuckery is horses all over. Google stupid horse injuries. They do dumb shit, eat dumb shit, try to jump over dumb shit. A horses mission in life is to kill itself as creatively as it possibly can.

JFC, no, horses aren't prone to injury because they are "dumb" or "sillyfuckers" but because they are flighty prey animals that are overwhelmingly kept by humans in conditions that are unnatural and stressful for them and used for leisure activities that carry an injury risk.

What is it with "horsey" people constantly talking like they hate horses and don't understand the first thing about them under the mistaken impression it makes them sound cool and knowledgeable.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:42

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 14:18

Also isn't it rather outing to include verbatim the entire message to the group chat?

Meh, she's telling everyone she's ever met anyway.

With regards to the kids, they come and go when they want, do as much or little as they want. Some come late, some stay all day.

The only thing we enforce is suncream and at least one break with water that does not come from a hose.

OP posts: