AIBU to want to give my uni daughter "pocket money"

[ChantsHinch]

My daughter has just finished school and fingers crossed joins uni in September. My husband said he will pay for uni €2,500 per year (we're in ireland) and that's it. He will not pay for anything else. She lives at home so a roof and food is pretty much it. He said she's an adult and needs to get a job if she wants anything else. Im all for the job, I think its good regardless. I just think this is really harsh and just wondering what other families are doing? It feels like he's cutting her off. Example, our young daughter just joined the gym and were paying for it but he said shes an adult now and can pay for herself.
Ps. We both earn good salaries

@JustGiveMeReason Yes, given how long the university summer holidays are, of course students can work during those months. What else are they going to do for three months? They also do internships (paid or unpaid) or take summer classes to get ahead, of course. But I don't know anyone among DD's friends who isn't earning some money this summer, being on holiday for a quarter of the year isn't realistic!

Exactly.

I am in lreland. When our 3 kids were in college we gave them all pocket money as well as paying fees and accommodation as too far to commute. No grants and no loans. They all got jobs but it was for the extras: socialising/ new clothes/ sports & clubs etc. The money we gave them wasn't enough for luxuries. Its important that they work if the course allows or even during the holidays as it adds to their CV later and teaches them a lot.
She needs time to find a job and to adjust to college life so l would give her some but not so much that she wouldn't bother looking for work. As ours were living away we also made some extra available for emergencies which they knew not to waste. They all did fine and in one case the part time job opened up a full time good job later so definitely strongly encourage the job.

That’s fair enough about food and accommodation but I was confused about whether he’s expecting her to also pay for fees; laptop; course materials; phone; dentist, travel etc - I think there are still quite a lot of ‘needs’ outside of food and a roof so it seems unnecessary to make her cover these immediately when the family are comfortable financially. I agree that working in the holidays / part time during term should cover ‘wants’, assuming of course she’s able to find flexible work so quickly. I just personally wouldn’t want to see my child struggling if I could avoid it.

If you can afford to, I would pay some spending money. Why not help her enjoy her student years.

You want her focusing on studying, so ideally working a job, but not too many hours. Perhaps on agreement she doesn’t use credit cards or take on extra debt etc.

Would your DD be eligible for a maintenance grant? I understand that Irish students studying in Ireland don't pay tuition fees but can apply for maintenance grants.

It all depends on the kind of person you are what you feel is right in your heart. Don't let your husband pressure you to be like him. Some people especially men can be quite harsh in their treatment of their children for many reasons either because it's how their parents treated them or they are not as emotionally attached to their children or want to give them tough love. I think showing your children young or adult you care without spoilng them is never a bad thing and helps strengthen your relationship with them in the long run. They need to be eased into adulthood not just thrown in at the deep end and left to their own devices. I think you should help your daughter especially as you can afford to.

At 16 I started 6th form, had a part time job and paid board (pittance)

My mum said if I moved away to uni and needed more help shed give it. But if I was in our home town I could either stay home for minimal board while I worked in the summer (free when I didnt) or move out and take care of myself. She said, that she had two jobs to give me security and teach me independence and choices. And that as an adult i have to make my own way somewhere and she wasnt subsidising me. And thats not to say there wasnt help when I needed it or treats. But I did make choices and learn to manage myself and while I didnt always like it then I appreciate its value (and moneys) now.

Id lean more towards DHs pov with maybe some help or trears here and there

This exactly.
Our daughter hasn't been able to find any job near Uni or home to help support herself. My DH thinks she should be supporting herself more as we are having to help her out so much, but if there's no jobs, what are they supposed to do?

We gave both our children a weekly allowance throughout uni to pay for food and bills. Their grandparents also gave them some money every month. We were in a position to be able to do this. Why wouldn't you want to help them out? Its very hard for students to find work at the moment and to be honest I am a great believer in not working whilst at university but during holidays instead. I think its a distraction. I did the same whilst I was at university. I understand that not everyone can afford to do this however.

This. You both earn money, why is your dh the only one who gets to decide where it goes?

We have a DC at uni who lives at home

phone contract paid but last phone we are funding

travel pass paid 90/month

£100 per month to spend on lunch/coffees however they can spend this on whatever they want but then they have to be organised and make a packed lunch- either way this forces a budget approach and some organisation

they cook family meals often
complete cleaning chores weekly
other own laundry

sometimes they do additional ad hoc jobs for and extra £20 or so eg cleaning cars or gardening etc

A lot of my staff are uni students and given the volume of applicants we get for each job I don’t think it’s uncommon for them to work during uni. They are all doing different subjects but manage perfectly well to work and study and they admit that actual lecture time isn’t a lot each week. They usually transfer in and out between stores if they go home in the summer and we’ve had a lot of them on our payroll over the years and we usually celebrate them graduating with something in work and I’ve never known any of them to fail. I don’t think it does them any harm and it gives them some good skills to add to their CV.