AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

As OP is currently unable to clone herself, she is not able to be in 2 places at once

How do you look after the neighbouring cats when you're away?

Do you use the occult to make yourself appear by magic? Or do you disapparate?

😭

Nope, neighbours.

so your cat goes missing? or becomes unwell or is hit by a car. Do you expect your holiday carer to shrug their shoulders and say "all I am doing is kibble. not my problem mate"

No mention of payment then. Fine if you reciprocate and don't just take, take, take.

No need to be so patronising. The OP said through & through she can't do it. That's all that needs to be said

its another one of "those" threads isn't it? here's the same suggestion as the lifts to hospital thread, Everyone who would do it because "be kind" or "you might need a favour back" send your details to the OP who can pass them to the cat owner and you can all do a rota.

I’m quite surprised by some of the responses on this thread-can guarantee if you had posted from the viewpoint of CF neighbour, everyone would have jumped on you straight away saying yabu for guilt tripping neighbours to watch your cat because you can’t be arsed to phone around the catteries.

it doesn’t matter why you can’t. You can’t look after the cat. End of. You and your son have tried to help with finding other cat sitters and she hasn’t appreciated that and hasn’t even bothered to consider anyone other than your son.

if she guilt trips you and says well I can’t go on holiday just say something like ‘that’s a shame but as we’ve said, we can’t change our plans. Again, we suggest you try the local catteries. Hope you manage to sort it’

People do find women who won't bend over backwards 'insufferable' but that's a you problem.

OP has been very kind. She double checked with her son if he could do it. She contacted her dog sitter and secured her help.

What the more fuck do people want?!

And if someone says they can't do it, believe them instead of thinking women should make them themselves to everyone.

But the neighbour had already budgeted for a cat sitter.

So why doesn't she just pay that money to someone to do the job instead of trying to be tight and get a teen to do it for £2 per day?

They don't all have litter trays.

Because she probably never had a professional sitter lined up, she was hoping to guilt-trip OP's DS into doing it all along.

It sounds likely.

So OPs son should cancel his plans to go camping or OP should tell work that she can't work away so she can feed the neighbours cat?

I don't have pets because I don't want the responsibility. I'm not being responsible for anyone else's.

I think what might be more of a problem in the world today is people thinking they can have animals and clear off for a couple of weeks without making adequate provision for them that doesnt involve strong arming a teenager.

What is wrong with people on Mumsnet. This is not your cat or your responsibility. You and your son have no obligation to look after someone's cat. There are numerous pet sitters and catteries who would do this but she doesn't seem to have made any enquiries and instead tries to guilt thd neighbours into doing it. Her cat, her responsibility.

This thread is wild, people are properly bonkers haranguing the OP to make sure her or her son sorts out what is solely the neighbour’s problem! Where are all the “no is a complete sentence” people??!!

OP, I would have said no simply because I wouldn’t want to do it. You and your son have also done more than I would have to help her source alternative care. I’d stop responding both to the neighbour and the plonkers on this thread who are desperate to make you the bad guys in this situation 😂

We look out for each other; feed cats, take in parcels, let friends and relatives in if the neighbour is late, listen out for and turn off alarms, that sort of thing. DS did get paid to look after one cat when he lived with us, but he got paid £10 per day. Yes, £2 is very mean and if they are away or busy then they can’t do it. I just want to stress that not all cats are onerous to look after and it’s nice to help out your neighbours if you can.

That is the conclusion we have come to. It doesn’t make sense otherwise. When she told me the cat sitter had let her down due to illness, she told me ‘they’ had no one else available to do it, so it sounded like a proper cat sitting business. A business will be more expensive than the £15 a day my son offered his friend to do it for, yet that is ’too ‘expensive’ and she couldn’t remember how much she was paying for that service when asked. If she was planning on paying a business to do it before, my sons friend would be saving her money.

I think it was all bullshit and this is what she had planned all along as she knew my son was finishing his exams this week, just in time to look after her cat.

Totally. If it had been her husband it would be cries of LTB!!!

I'd offer to help on the days I could. Obviously you shouldn't have to change your work around, and your son shouldn't cancel trips away. But on the days I or my daughter were around, one of us would help with the basics of feeding the cat. Not necessarily the extras like brushing (unless the cat is some kind of unusually breed who will be in anguish if not brushed for a few days). To be fair, we probably would spend 10 minutes with the cat if we could. But that's because we love cats.

Maybe the neighbour would be able to ask friends/book sitters for the other days, and work out a plan that covers the full two weeks. A complex arrangement and a faff for her, but I would do the things I could do tobhelp, that weren't a huge sacrifice for me.

This is the way my neighbours and I work. We often ask each other for small favours (cat feeding, taking in parcels, picking stuff up from the shops or watching the kids if someone has an appointment, etc). As all my neighbours in my block are single women (in some cases moms) or elderly people, this makes all of our lives a million times easier.

Everyone helps when they easily can. Nobody cancels work trips to help each other though, that would be daft.

It's all about balance.

Maybe the neighbour would be able to ask friends/book sitters

This does seem a sensible solution but the neighbour has a severe allergy to asking other people and paying for their time.

Boots might sell some cream for that.

What's nice is to pay for a professional pet sitter and not guilt-trip your neighbours into doing it for £2 a day.

YANBU. She could get a cat flap and one of those 7 day food dispensers. I’ve read everything and think you’re in the right. For some people “can’t” means “won’t”, so you have to explain the difference. A bit like “can I “ and “may I”.

No! A cat basket is left out and we all tend to use the same vet which is nearby. We all have cars so don’t have to lug the basket 1/4 to 1/2 a mile. Our cats have always had insurance and health plans. The only problems we have ever had in 32 years living here was one young cat who got run over and killed instantly while we were on the plane returning home (our tenants who lived in our basement flat wrapped him in a towel and brought him in) and another elderly cat who dropped dead of a heart attack in our neighbour’s front garden (she wrapped her up and took her into our house while we cut short our UK trip). The same neighbour took another elderly cat to the vets several times when he became ill the day after we arrived home with FIP, during Covid when we had to isolate on returning home. This same cat went missing for a couple of weeks previously when we were not away, and he was found by me putting an ad on social media. If we were away I would do the same. Another cat who also contracted FIP and needed daily injections was looked after by our neighbour and a different tenant.

All I’m saying is: most cats are easy to look after when people are away if someone is willing, and life is better when people help each other out if they can. I am not saying that OP behaved unreasonably in this circumstance.