AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

Whos feeding your dogs while you and your son are away? You might have to ask your neighbour to pop in 😉

You're not being unreasonable because you have no obligation to help her out, but what happened to being nice to people. I just spent most of last weekend cutting back trees and bushes in my neighbour's garden. Is it my problem - no. Could they afford to pay a gardener - no idea, probably, if they prioritised it. Was it a nice thing to do - yes. You literally live next door, it would take you five minutes. When I grew up neighbours had conversations and looked out for each other, and it was a damn sight nicer that way.

Half the problem here is the way she’s gone about it. A bit presumptuous / entitled rather than showing she’d be very grateful or recognising that it would be inconvenient for you to have unforeseen responsibilities for two weeks of cat care sprung upon you at short notice. I’d have helped for the first week if she’d been politer!

edited to add that obviously if you aren’t around, you can’t help her even if she’s the politest person on earth!

Were you away camping or travelling with work at the time?

Does this woman not have any friends? It’s simple. Run out this morning and buy automatic feeders to cover 2/3 days. Ask a friend to pop in every 2/3 days to change the littler tray and top up and reset the automatic feeders. Then your dog sitter can cover the second week.

I think I would reply though.

”As we’ve told you, he can’t. He is going on a camping with friends and will also be staying at his girlfriend’s. He isn’t going to cancel his summer plans so you don’t have to cancel yours. I cannot help as I’m working away this week. This really isn’t anything to do with us, so you’ll have to ask a friend or relative or rearrange your holiday as my son isn’t going to rearrange his holiday for a cat he doesn’t own.”

It helps if the person asking for the favour is polite and nice in the first place. Not many people are going to respond well to rudeness.

I wouldn't help due to that alone even if I was available.

Or get someone to feed the cat while they are at home. Not suggesting op should do it but I think people are a bit blase about catteries. It's not an option for all cats.

But her son is going on a a camping holiday and she is away with work.

Would you, at 17/18 years old, cancel going camping with your mates after exams to feed a cat you don’t own?
Would you, as an adult, call into work and say you need to cancel your work trip and take time off to feed a cat you don’t own?

I had another text from my neighbour asking for an update so my son and his girlfriend went to see her.

My son explained that I was busy working today so he has come to talk to her as mum can’t be answering texts about cats. 😬 He told her again that neither of us were free to look after her cat for the next 2 weeks. She increased her offer to to £50 but he explained again that he wasn’t free. She tried the guilt tripping and said she would have to cancel her holiday. 🙄 My son asked if she had tried other pet sitters and catteries and she said no. He offered to get her phone numbers for them but she declined. He said he has a friend who would maybe do it but he would charge £15 per day. She declined and said that was too much. He asked how much she was paying the previous sitter who has cancelled and she said she couldn’t remember.

My son and his gf think she’s a chancer who thought leaving it to the last minute would force us into doing it for next to nothing. If that’s true I’m even more pissed off, but I can’t prove it.

I think we have been more than helpful and that’s the end of it as far as I’m concerned.

Then you risk potentially losing out on your holiday if no one wants to do it. Some people may be more inclined to do a few days but 2 weeks is asking a lot.

Not sure small cages are typical at decent catteries. The one I use has large cages, tall and wide spaces with levels, similar to those used in rescue centres. I figure my cats are safer with someone keeping an eye on them, than left to their own devices while I am away for days on end. They don't seem the least bit arsed / stressed when I go collect them.

In a shitty cattery with small cages it may be different of course.

i really dont understand this - why cant she put them in the cattery ? My own cats are heading to the cattery in a few weeks time, she charges me 25e a day and that includes food. If she loves the cats so much she should have arranged proper care 🙄when i go to book my holidays i always check if there is availability for them to be minded as well as my dogs ( we have a dog minder too ) before i book, guilt tripping you that she might have to cancel is not on, she should have arranged this before booking
send her the list of catterys available

Crack on then.
You dont get to decide whats agreeable for anyone else.

I'm 99% sure with that information there was never a cat sitter lined up who suddenly became ill.

Well done to your son for standing firm. I bet she still manages to go on holiday, she'll just have to not be tight and actually pay a cat sitter now.

Has she asked the neighbour on the other side of her? Or 2 doors down? Surely there is someone the street who can help out. My retired parents would jump at the chance. Why is it just you she is pestering?

I don't think there ever was a cat sitter! CF NDN is using the emotional blackmail of "I'll have to cancel" to get you to agree. She planned this all along.

It’s not your problem, but she did have a plan and it’s fallen through at the last minute. What’s quite a small inconvenience to you in the grand scheme of things is potentially the difference between her being able to go on holiday or not. I really wouldn’t hesitate to do this for a neighbour.

FFS read the Op's posts - she can't do it, not she won't do it! If you are all so helpful and would do anything for a neighbour then go do it for her!

Definitely not your problem @Thepartwhereidrun - and reading your latest update i agree that she didn't have a sitter lined up at all. I have a cat and factor in cat sitting costs when I go away. I use Cat in a Flat. Send her the link below - she'll just have to pay up if she doesn't want to lose her holiday

https://catinaflat.co.uk/

But they can't do it. I also can't understand how some people are incapable of reading all the OP's posts

Cats are so easy
I have done it for neighbours and think youre being mean

You certainly did not have to explain why your son (or you) couldn't do it. Even if you could, you still don't have to if you just don't want to. Mumsnetters are usually all about 'No' is a complete sentence. The neighbour is a CF and you have been much more polite than I would have been.

I do want to say what a lovely boy you have brought up. He sounds an absolute gem. Responsible, studied hard, earns his own money, but most of all I am really impressed that he had the confidence to go to the neighbour's house to speak to her directly and say no again (and not be a pushover). What a polite and respectful young man. You must be so proud of him. Hell, I am proud of him!

I am not a cat person. I might feed a cat for a couple of days to be helpful, but I am not sure I would do it for a couple of weeks. I might if I was around, but it is perfectly ok to say no. No one is saying she cannot take a holiday, can she not send the cat to a cattery? Lots of other people do. Yes there is a cost, but it can be done.

The one I looked at had small cages. The "luxury" ones are always full. Even if it is a large cage though I think my cat would be very stressed. I appreciate some don't mind though.

We are at the end of a lane with only 4 houses. Us, cheeky neighbour, very elderly couple who are housebound with carers coming in every day and one house that is currently empty.