Disillusioned when earning 150k

[Littlezonedout]

I know these threads cause trouble, but this is how I feel. I can’t help but wonder when does the merry go round stop. It is worth it waking up crack of dawn, kids to breakfast club, nursery, after school club, run home, make dinner, bed, bath. Glass of wine because I’m exhausted.
if I stayed at home I’d save 20k on commuting, wraparound childcare, cleaner, gardener, etc.
fine, I can afford a house, but the maintenance, the upkeep, the bills.
not sure why I’m ranting. Know I’ll get pulled to
pieces. Just exhausted

It will get better as your kids get older and more independent. It will.

I earn 30k and I’m exhausted too. Poor you. 🙄

Can you get a nanny? She would be paid less than £3k a month with one to one care

@DeepRubySwan

Everyone else does exactly the same but doesn't make 150K? At least you are well remunerated.

This. Life with small children and work is the same shit, different day brand for most of us I’m afraid regardless of your salary. You’ll find people on £37k get up at the crack of dawn to drop their kids off at breakfast club. And work their asses off all day, come home, cook dinner, bath, bed. Get up, rinse repeat.

As someone on that lower level of salary myself I would say don’t jack it in. For what anyway? What exactly would you be trading it in for? You’d still have to do the above and on a pittance like me

You mean you don’t think OP can live below her means? Maybe not with a huge mortgage but if you think a 40k a year job means I can leave on the dot at 5 pm to collect my children and make a homemade meal you are much mistaken.

We have a huge mortgage. We also have an ancient car, no holidays, no salon visits, no alcohol, no smoking, no pets. Everyone can cut back something, apart from those on the very lowest salaries.

I understand that living in the SE means huge housing costs. But don’t think that salaries outside of the SE easily cover housing. They really don’t because the salaries are much lower.

Is it something you could do freelance?
I assume on that wage you have savings so have enough out aside to pay the mortgage for a few months as a safety net?

You could then work from home and work around the children saving you both the commute and childcare. Plus hopefully having a better home/life balance.

You could do it via a Ltd company so could control your personal income better - especially keeping your personal income under £100k so you retain your personal allowance and don't effectively pay 65% tax for pay between £100-£125k.

And you will still be struggling in a different way but on far less money!

It sounds like you are doing all this to live in a particular house, which is nuts to me. There are literally millions of houses. Choose one that isn't such a millstone around your neck.

A nanny, employed for more than 40 hours due to commuting time and paying pension contributions and NI as the employer is certainly not going to give OP change from 3k a month.

Change sector then OP.
Your choice.

Are you King Charles? 🤣

What about if your children's perfect life turned out to be a mother who was present more and who was less stressed?

You are trying to provide your perception of a perfect life. You don't actually know what their version would look like.

Anyway, there is no such thing as a perfect life, IMHO. Everyone has aspects of their lives that are challenging or less than ideal. You are striving for something that isn't making you happy even now in this present moment. Why are you doing that? Where did you get the recipe from for what makes the perfect life?

When you lose everything, you realise what truly matters. I ended up homeless with nothing but the clothes on my back and my child's pre-school bag with one change of clothes. Yet, I was free. I had my child. We were safe. At moments like this you realise: happiness comes from inside.

We all need somewhere to live and basic objects to function and survive. We all need a minimum level of income in order to pay the essential bills and to buy food etc. Beyond that, everything else is a choice to acquire/have/spend.

You may find that a less expensive home and a less demanding (time) and stressful job and more time with your children = greater happiness/satisfaction and a deeper sense of connection and purpose. Yet, less income comes with its own challenges, which is why there is no perfect solution.

You have to decide what is important to you and whether the trade-off of one thing for the other is worth it enough for you to make that change. Therapy can be helpful in figuring things like this out.

Time, not money, is what makes you feel wealthy. You have agency in all this. Don’t leave it until it’s too late and you regret your choices for your few precious years on earth.

I don’t think you’re giving the kids the lifestyle if you are paying for them to be in wrap around and they are not seeing you.

by the time that changes they’ll be older and more independent then you’ve missed the opportunity. It’s so easy to get caught in the rat race but this life isn’t a dress rehursal. It’s all we have. You are the leader of your life @Littlezonedout so act like it- you can change everything within a year or so if you want to.

id start by deciding how much you want to see your kids- be honest with yourself, do you want to be stay at home, or 3 days a week but doing the school run? Then look at what type of house could facilitate that eg down sizing , slightly different location. Then look for a job with hybrid- even on a pay cut. What about your partner? Can they adjust, can you split domestic tasks more? I feel for you. It’s easy to get caught up but you won’t get this time again so don’t let it pass you by.

Loads of options. 6 month mortgage charter allows you to switch to interest only on the mortgage with no impact on credit rating.

Or cut expenditure, extend your mortgage term, and whack more money into your pension, the term can always be reduced in future.

Or look at roles that have better employer pension contributions even if salary is less.

@Littlezonedout you are legally entitled to flexible working. How long have you worked there? If more than two years I would absolutely be asking for this. Don’t take any shit from these awful employers that have no concept of working and bringing up children in 2026. Put the formal request in

My target is to keep the rat race up until I’m 55 and then wind down to part-time or lower status until retirement.

its rubbish though because it’s now when I would need to be spending time with kids, but if I want to be able to help them financially when they are older, I need to carry on like this. The irony is that later when I wind down, I’ll probably crave being ‘busy’ but kids will have left home.

I think you need to change your mindset. Nobody can have it all, it's impossible. What you are really lucky to have is choices.

You can choose a smaller house and/or a cheaper area that would allow you to earn less and maintain a better work life balance. Or you can continue to earn well (and remembering that nursery fees are temporary so your earnings will go further in a few years).

There's no right or wrong answer, you just need to decide what is most important to you.

I feel like this too. 😔 There’s no easy answer these days. We all need to work full time to have a basic standard of living and that leaves little time with our children. Essentially the cost of housing, relative to salaries (wherever we live), has ruined everything for people in all income brackets. And the freezing of tax thresholds.

If you earn 150k you can afford a nanny to do all the wrap around and drop offs plus kids laundry and tidying. You leave them having breakfast and get home they are in pjs.

@Hellohelga 150k doesn’t go as far as you’d think

How can you pay 10k tax in a month? Have you been under taxed previously?

You have no idea how much her mortgage is.

I hate it when people say that. I live in the SE and I know 150k is plenty, even with a big mortgage. The only time it wouldn’t be is if you have private school fees, but that’s a choice.

No one is saying it’s not a lot of money, but you have no idea if a full time nanny doing everything including laundry is financially viable for her without knowing her other expenses.