Or is this weird

[Dinosaurdiva]

Just looking for an opinion on a situation with dh. For context, we live next door to his parents. Last night we were both sat in the lounge when he got up and walked out the house. He left his phone and was gone for around half an hour. This isn't unheard of, he often wanders off. He returned and sat down to watch the football. I didn't ask where he had been as assumed he had seen his brother/parents and gone for a chat. He didn't say anything to me all evening or today. I spoke to his mum this evening and turns out his dad was rushed to hospital in an ambulance and he has had surgery today. Not a word said to me about this despite numerous conversations. Surely this is weird?? Even in the moment of he was shocked/scared whatever, he has had plenty of time to mention it today?? Aibu to expect a basic level of communication

Being autistic doesn't make it right. But it might explain why he doesn't realise its not right - he might need help to understand that.

It's a way to have control isn't it?

And yes, very odd. Don't think I could handle this. Hope all ends well with FIL.

His behaviour is extremely odd and not normal in a loving and mutually respectful relationship. Has she a tracker you can track on his car? If not remove yours immediately. No one has the right to track your every move. His family are your family too and you have the right to know what happened. Let your parents in law know you only found out so much after the fact. This behaviour would not have gone down well in my home and there is no justifiable excuse for keeping such big news from you. He’s a dick.

No I didn't say anything because he wanders off all the time so I didn't assume it was anything out of the ordinary. Id spend my whole life interrogating him and also, not my place to have to ask constantly. Of there's something I need to know, it's on the person with the info to share it!

When he went out, are you sure it was to his parents' house? If not he might not have known about his DF. Where else might he have gone? if he is so keen on knowing where you are, even tracking your car, it could be he is projecting his own guilt about something/someone? Sorry OP but that seems most likely explanation.
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She managed to raise 3 other perfectly normal, lovely men!

There really isn't anywhere else for him to have gone. Not in the time scale he was gone for and he left his phones, which he is glued to. So fairly certain on rhsi one, that he was there. And his mum spoke about seeing him.

Fil had an operation and the issue is fixed. He came home today which is good!

If you think it's bad enough I live next door to mil and fil, we also live next door the other side to his brother and his other brother lives 2 doors down!!

He does sound odd generally, but this was very, very weird OP. I think most people would be very unsettled by this sort of behaviour.

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I was also married to one of these (not for long!) He got really annoyed about being asked. Sometimes really very annoyed indeed.

Since that grotesque experience, I'm suspicious of anyone who says they're a "very private person". My XH was doing some things I would not have been happy about if I'd known, but it was mostly just stuff that normal people talk about. It's almost humiliating when your husband drops into a group conversation that he was some place, or did something, that you had no idea about.

He kept close tabs on me, too. These people are control freaks of a somewhat sinister type.

It sounds like a throwback to patrilocality 🤯 Are you in a very traditional South Asian family? Are the other brothers married, and what about sisters?

All that aside - yes, your husband is rude and inconsiderate. It sounds like he's controlling, too. How much independence do you have, and what would happen if you killed the car tracker?

It is so embarrassing when he tells someone some story that I literally know nothing about!!!

No very much white british! One brother is married the other isn't. Doesn't have any sisters. Other brother lives far away!

Why do you all live next door to each other other?! (I know that’s not the point of this thread but that’s all abit close knit isn’t it?). Have you removed the tracker from you car? Has he got any other trackers installed?! How long have you been married? Does your mil know he hasn’t told you? (Ie is it possible she was intentionally causing drama between you)?

Sorry so many questions 😂

Very bizarre.

I'm not really sure how it happened!! I didn't have much say in it. But to be fair it's a lovely house and place to live so I wasn't opposed to it. I think a mix of them wanting to be close together and not wanting other people around!!

Oh and I can't do anything about the tracker it's part of the car and has an app that he has

So been left feeling very uneasy by another conversation with dh today. We were messaging when a weird coincidence came up and I said it's like I'm in your head. He replied saying "maybe I'm in yours". I joked and said "you'd be lucky" he then replied with "Yes but I think the idea is i would be controlling it, rather than witness to the crazyness" he then followed up by saying "we both know what I'd do if I could control your head" and sent me a weird gif of a woman crying. And followed up in a weird font "not rapey" I think he was implying he would make me do something sexual that I am not happy to do normally. I replied and said it is and that the picture made it worse. He said "roger" and deleted the messages. This is also weird right?? It's made me feel kind of unsafe

I'm not sure what you're being made uneasy by. You're married to someone fairly odd, who struggles with theory of mind, has a habit of wandering off and not mentioning things most people would consider important including family medical emergencies and a holiday he is about to depart on, tracks your car, has no ear for tone, and is a terrible communicator. None of this is news to you from what you describe elsewhere in the thread.

What's odd is that you appear to have married a man who appears to have learned how to exist in human society by reading a manual he's now largely forgotten, and to have stayed with him long enough to have two teenagers, and moved in next door to his entire family without being entirely sure how.

I suppose it's just the realisation that he would do things to me he knows I wouldn't like if he could force me to do it. Kind of gross and unsettling. Maybe just more confirmation of him wanting to control me. My mind went to "wouldn't it be fun to see what each other was thinking" his went to "force her to do sex acts she isn't ok with"

Maybe I am just as odd as he is.....

He sounds really strange, has he got mh issues?

But all he said was that you knew what he'd do if he controlled your mind -- you're the one who interpreted that as a sexual thing. He specifically said otherwise. And much though I dislike the term 'rapey' as trivialising, your DH is an appalling communicator who is unlikely to be alert to tone on that level.