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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is this weird

98 replies

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:36

Just looking for an opinion on a situation with dh. For context, we live next door to his parents. Last night we were both sat in the lounge when he got up and walked out the house. He left his phone and was gone for around half an hour. This isn't unheard of, he often wanders off. He returned and sat down to watch the football. I didn't ask where he had been as assumed he had seen his brother/parents and gone for a chat. He didn't say anything to me all evening or today. I spoke to his mum this evening and turns out his dad was rushed to hospital in an ambulance and he has had surgery today. Not a word said to me about this despite numerous conversations. Surely this is weird?? Even in the moment of he was shocked/scared whatever, he has had plenty of time to mention it today?? Aibu to expect a basic level of communication

OP posts:
Tiggermad · 24/06/2026 20:37

Very weird.

Shelleyblueeyes · 24/06/2026 20:37

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:36

Just looking for an opinion on a situation with dh. For context, we live next door to his parents. Last night we were both sat in the lounge when he got up and walked out the house. He left his phone and was gone for around half an hour. This isn't unheard of, he often wanders off. He returned and sat down to watch the football. I didn't ask where he had been as assumed he had seen his brother/parents and gone for a chat. He didn't say anything to me all evening or today. I spoke to his mum this evening and turns out his dad was rushed to hospital in an ambulance and he has had surgery today. Not a word said to me about this despite numerous conversations. Surely this is weird?? Even in the moment of he was shocked/scared whatever, he has had plenty of time to mention it today?? Aibu to expect a basic level of communication

Yep. Totally weird.
I don't get that at all.
How strange?
X

PrettyLittleRose · 24/06/2026 20:38

Odd as fuck. Does he normally keep things from you?

ilovepixie · 24/06/2026 20:38

That is weird. Even the wandering off is weird. It’s just basic manners to say where you are going.

Childanddogmama · 24/06/2026 20:38

Yea that's odd.

Shoopshawady · 24/06/2026 20:38

That’s really strange! Have you asked him why he didn’t think to tell you?!

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:39

I'm honestly baffled. He always needs to be in the know, actively telling me off if I forget to inform him of something or interrupting conversations he joins half way through to get info! I am very close to his dad and would very much have liked to have known
No less cos I feel like a knob that I have checked in with him to make sure he is ok.

OP posts:
Trumptontown · 24/06/2026 20:39

YANBU. This is fucking bonkers.

Blueeyedmale · 24/06/2026 20:40

Very strange I get the shock element of it but surely that would make you more than likely to seek the support of your partner?

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:40

Shoopshawady · 24/06/2026 20:38

That’s really strange! Have you asked him why he didn’t think to tell you?!

He said he didn't want to tell me in front of the kids. Who are 13 and 16 and would also like to know how their grandad is

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Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:41

ilovepixie · 24/06/2026 20:38

That is weird. Even the wandering off is weird. It’s just basic manners to say where you are going.

He wanders off all the time. He has got better as he would literally drive off and not tell me where he was going in the past

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Soggydog · 24/06/2026 20:41

Sounds like he shut down and couldn't cope emotionally and that it was real if he spoke about it. Really odd but thats the only thing i can think as shock can come out in weird ways. Not helpful as a response, and meant you couldnt offer his mum support if you wanted to.

Soggydog · 24/06/2026 20:42

Scrap my last message as that's weird to keep wandering off and that it isnt a one off from the shock.

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:42

Soggydog · 24/06/2026 20:41

Sounds like he shut down and couldn't cope emotionally and that it was real if he spoke about it. Really odd but thats the only thing i can think as shock can come out in weird ways. Not helpful as a response, and meant you couldnt offer his mum support if you wanted to.

Exactly I've been at home all day and would have popped over to check in if is have know. She told me as if she assumed I'd have been told
It was really embarrassing

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Backedoffhackedoff · 24/06/2026 20:44

I can imagine my ex doing this. He lived with huge denial and just shut down at stressful times. It’s hard to explain denial until you’ve really witnessed it.

KateBushAgain · 24/06/2026 20:47

I’d be so hurt and confused by this .
Had anything like this ever happened before ?
My childish knee jerk response would be to never tell him anything again , obviously don’t do that though .
Does he understand now that it was very odd .

Duvetdayforme · 24/06/2026 20:48

Really weird. Have you had the chance to discuss it properly?

Pearlstillsinging · 24/06/2026 20:48

No reason for you to be embarrassed. Your MIL brought up her to son to behave extreme weirdly.
I'd be livid if he just disappeared without telling me where he was going but expected me to tell him everything I was doing.

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:48

KateBushAgain · 24/06/2026 20:47

I’d be so hurt and confused by this .
Had anything like this ever happened before ?
My childish knee jerk response would be to never tell him anything again , obviously don’t do that though .
Does he understand now that it was very odd .

I mean his communication is terrible
I mostly find out things from our shared calendar. Once he planned, booked and packed for a holiday with his friends and I only found out as he was leaving. He swore he told me..... He hadnt.

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EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2026 20:49

Extremely strange

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 20:50

Pearlstillsinging · 24/06/2026 20:48

No reason for you to be embarrassed. Your MIL brought up her to son to behave extreme weirdly.
I'd be livid if he just disappeared without telling me where he was going but expected me to tell him everything I was doing.

He literally tracks my car!!!

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EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2026 20:54

He literally tracks my car

so he’s weird, inappropriate and controlling in lots of different ways and this is the cherry on top?

fireandlightening · 24/06/2026 20:57

It sounds like he is controlling the information he gives you too! More than weird all of this sounds problematic.

Dinosaurdiva · 24/06/2026 21:14

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2026 20:54

He literally tracks my car

so he’s weird, inappropriate and controlling in lots of different ways and this is the cherry on top?

I think he just likes to be in the know! I just don't get being sat in the same room as someone and not saying a word....

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Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 24/06/2026 21:19

He sounds very odd.
Why is he tracking your car, yet thinks buggering Off on holiday without even telling you us normal?
Is he weird in general?