Sad that Dh can’t make Dd’s show

[Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball]

Dd has a singing, end of year show this week at 10 am, it only lasts around 20 minutes. He says he’s unable to get time off work, Dd is sad and asking him to please come and it just breaks my heart

Do you think that he can get time off work? I personally feel like taking time off to do something for 20 minutes would be a pain but I would probably do it if I could.

Well is he in a job that's nearby and easy to get time off for?

Can he attend and use it as his lunch break?

There will be lots who can’t make it. You need to help her understand that rather than doing anything to feed the upset

You’re not unreasonable to be sad about it, but if he genuinely can’t get the time off, then I’d concentrate on being enthusiastic for your DD and playing up how excited you are to be going.

Can he genuinely not get the time off? Or are you hurt because he could, but he doesn’t think it matters?

It the school at fault here.
10am is a daft time for anyone who works 9-5 because it’s too late to just start late and make the time up. 9am or the end of the day would be better.
DH and i wouldn’t be able to guarantee we’d be able to take this off, we would do our best to have at least one of us attending but it would depend what we had on. DHs job especially is less flexible than mine

You signal to her how to respond. Get a grip.

I feel for your poor DH. He would clearly love to be there and now he has everyone in the family all feeling sad and heaping on guilt because he can't.

Unfortunately sometimes you simply cannot get time off. I'm sure he would much rather be attending the performance than at work but that's life.

Do you want the list of things I can’t make in the next few weeks?

Would it be nice to go? yes.
Can I go? No.

and that’s life.

I'm sure he wants to be there, but sometimes working arrangements just don't permit that kind of flexibility. It sounds like he has tried.

How old is DD? You need to frame it in a way that makes sense to their understanding. "Dad can't come because he needs to go to work - it's unfortunate, but it's his work that lets us do things that go out for ice cream. In fact why don't we go out for ice cream after he has finished work on Friday and then you can give him a private singing show once we get home afterwards?"

Also don't all schools film this type of thing now as well? My goddaughters live in another country and I have sat through enjoyed many a three-hour dance show on the DVD player in my time.

Not sure what your AIBU is. If he can't get the time off work then he can't. While it might only be a short period of time, if he has to travel to work it could be a couple of hours he misses.

What is his job, how far is it from his place of work to the school (i.e. how long will he be absent), how old is DD?
Any event held during the normal working day is going to have a high number of absent parents, maybe this is a good time to teach your DD that she can't always have everything (or everybody) she wants.

My DS had sports day this week. Neither me or DH could go as both working and can’t get time off that easily. Tell her you’ll record it for him

Age is pretty relevant here OP.

Also, your DD is sad, your heart is breaking but how does your DH feel?

You haven't said?

If he has to work he has to work. Yeh it’s disappointing but it’s not really heartbreaking stuff

Unfortunately, it happens. We do our best but my partner is self employed. With two small school aged kids there’s always something. We prioritise getting them to their friends parties because I think their socialisation is really important. Shows at school it’s usually just me who goes.

How old is your daughter?

You need to help her understand that being an adult means doing what you have to, work do you have a roof over your head and food on the table, rather than what you'd like to do.

I don't know a lot of jobs where people can just up and leave to watch a school thing for their kid unless it's their day off.

She’s 8

Well in your opinion could he get it off or not? if he can't then he can't, don't make him feel bad about it!

@Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball Assuming he really can't just "nip out" of work for 20 minutes (and having worked my entire life and been a single parent I know how bloody difficult that can be) then I think you should be teaching your DD to manage her expectations. Life doesn't always (if ever) go the way you want it and money must be earned. It's not as if neither of you can attend! It was usually only my mum that came to school concerts etc because Daddy was at work, and I understood that. Don't add to her upset with unrealistic ideas.

Not many jobs would allow you to take time off for this, no idea why you think he should.

Such is life.

There will be plenty of parents who have to miss it due to work/commitment.... I've been one of them in the past.

At least dd has one parent there, get her to practice for dad the night before or after the show.

Lol I expect he's busy working to keep a roof over your heads.

Both parents don't need to attend these events. One is enough.

Your DD has a show and her mum is coming to watch. I really wouldn't set the expectation that both parents will be able to come to this type of stuff. Divide and conquer.

Bloody school that’s an unreasonable time for anyone with a job