Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

[Bayleaftree63]

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

She probably was

A flight being what you referred to as "public transport"? Riiiight....

But wearing seatbelts on a flight is a non-negotiable safety requirement. If she couldn't get hers on they wouldn't have been able to to take off.

This is exactly the sort of story people don't see when they judge people for their weight. I won't even say well done for weight loss because actually, getting clean, being free and happy is about five million times more important.

My sister is a psychiatrist and the number of patients she sees with a history of sex abuse who go on to be very overweight is quite eye opening. People judging anyone for their weight can massively do one. I won't tolerate it irl either

The Oxford Tube does IIRC (very frequent coach service between Oxford and London).

Can’t think of any other.

I thought the carbohydrate-insulin model was controversial?

I would say they don't function. They are eating to the point they don't function.

I was you @Bayleaftree63 on a bloody plane. I ended up putting my back out as I had to sit like a banana for 3.5 hours and I spent the entire holiday in bed in agony. Started to feel better on the day of the transfer back to the airport.

It's insane but ...body positivity.

I’m not sure body positivity is a thing since glp 1. I always thought it was strange how body positivity coexisted with obesity being classified as a disease.

@BettyTheGreat

They aren't making fares lower out of the goodness of their hearts. They want to squeeze out as much profit as they can.

But it's not wrong to make a profit....

I'm not sure if you saw my previous about the average profit being around €8 per average pax for the likes of Ryanair....have a look at a few Low Fare Airlines financial statements and you'll see that's very much the norm, or even the high end of profits per pax across the industry.

This is all about passenger choice/the algorithms being driven almost entirely by the hunt for the cheapest fare, and the airlines trying to stay in business whilst catering for that demand.

@Bayleaftree63 She probably hated herself more than you hated her. But while I do have empathy for obese people I also hate getting stuck next to one on a flight because it's suffocating and I hate having body contact with strangers. So I don't think you're unreasonable to resent being next to her but I also feel sorry for her. Obesity is an illness.

I don’t judge anyone, it’s nothing to do with me. I do however want to be able to occupy the seat that I’ve paid for. If I can’t, that is an issue caused by someone else, for whatever reason and they need to address it. If they can’t fit in one seat they need to buy two or sort a bigger seat in a different class/mode of transport.

I agree with this. I just find it a really childish desire to want to beat people with that stick.

The "oh but it impacts everyone else" argument is so tired and such a limp cover for a little bit of sanctioned nastiness.

All sorts of things place a negative strain on society in different ways, but we would all be seen as out of line for attacking people for it. I'm not even going to list some, as it isn't fair to shame and guilt trip people for things that are not fully within their control or which complicated circumstances have led them to, and, unlike the fat bashers, I don't want to be that sort of person, but suffice it to say, I'm sure they are categories plenty of the fat bashers fall into.

Look up Metabolic Syndrome; the NHS is useless at helping people and obesity and early death is the consequence. It’s awful. I’m sure for some people it is down to lifestyle choices but if she was an older lady, I would suspect she is unwell and getting no support from her GP 🥺

Well I suppose in the same way that body positivity about having breasts removed for cancer can co-exist with the cancer.

Except BP is accepting the ‘diseased state’ of obesity whereas BP is accepting the ‘undiseased state’ post breast op. I have been obese myself and don’t judge - I just found it interesting that at the height of BP we started to call bigger bodies ‘diseased’

Well on a similar note, it is the only "disease" that people feel they can complain about a person for having.

I don't really care about the rest of this thread.
I just want to say I'm sorry for your losses and how hard life must be for you.

Sorry, OP but I think you did very much mean to offend. I have a friend like you, she’s obsessed with ‘obese’ people and every other experience she has seems to involve very overweight people or seeing very overweight people.
To the point of complaining about a package holiday she went on because apparently there were ‘obese’ people everywhere. She’s clearly disgusted. And clearly this is about how she feels about herself and her own self worth rather than anything to do with overweight people.

"American English uses the form spilled as the past tense and past participle. British English uses either spilled or spilt." (Collins Dictionary)

Agree.

There is something in some people that seems to make them compelled to comment negatively about weight. Without a doubt it's something to do with their own self-image.

How is it that the rest of us can just get on with our own lives?

@Bayleaftree63

It happened to me on a plane three years ago op and I have posted about it here. I was on the aisle seat and a woman who was at minimum 25 stone sat in the middle seat while her husband who was big to but not as big sat in the window seat. I literally had to sit on my side the whole flight and she was basically sitting on my other hip. It was absolute agony. I discreetly spoke to a member of the cabin crew about moving seats but the flight was fully booked so I had no choice but to sit there and suffer.

I ended up with severe bruising and soft tissue damage. I complained to the airline and got a full refund. If it was to happen again I would refuse to sit beside the person. They need to buy two seats.

Fwiw at my heaviest I was 19 stone so it's not fat shaming.

Metabolic syndrome is caused by eating too many carbohydrates. This is the start of the chain reaction.

Can confirm this. It’s the case in my family. Several people who are morbidly obese. They have been through terrible abuse and their problems include/have included poverty and homelessness and being able to just function and survive really. I’m sure other people are offended by how they look and how they take up too much space in seats; honestly, other people’s offended opinions are far down these people’s priority list. Survival day to day is at the top, with a host of barriers and problems.

So you think fat people are fat because they have a choice? Sure some do but most don’t. Go educate urself and if ur that prejudiced go private transport from now on.

Of course being over weight can be caused by a multitude of factors and of course it brings with it multiple barriers and problems. One of those problems being that you don’t fit in a seat/ride/space. Why is it ok though to take someone else’s space? Address the problem by say buying two seats, rather than making it someone’s else’s problem?

i think objectively I’d feel the same way esp on a plane I don’t like a very large person having to sit next to me as it’s just physically not comfortable for me and I feel hemmed in. In fact I’ve started booking aisle seats if on my own so I can have space on one side and can get up as will to go to the toilet or whatever.

Seats are often too narrow like at the theatre for example so v difficult if you’re larger. When old theatres were built, people were smaller/slimmer so it’s partly design as well.

i don’t know any larger person who doesn’t want to lose weight (I have a few larger friends) - they often comment on their weight negatively. I doubt anyone wants to be obese ir morbidly obese.