Scared and sad, first house - weird feelings

[Travelinshow]

Is it normal to feel scared when you huy a house?
Im 42 and a first time buyer, its pathetic i know but I spent all my childhood moving around, all my adult life too. Everyone talks like this should be the most exciting thing ever but all I feel is fear and something like sadness

I was ok until, after picking the keys up, I went in and saw the house with no furniture disguising the blemishes, my first thought "shit, what the fuck have I done".

I think it can be scary. It wasn’t for me. I literally went running to our house. Didn’t buy until I was 40 and it was so nice to finally be settled, as I’ve also always moved around a lot. But I don’t think it’s an unusual feeling, no.

I think buying a house or flat for the first time is quite an emotional rollercoaster. People expect you to be delighted because it’s not achievable for many, so you’re aware of your privilege on the one hand and on the other you’re having an existential crisis you feel you shouldn’t be having, because it’s a huge financial and emotional commitment.

Cut yourself some slack, OP. And remind yourself of the undeniable advantages of buying solo. No compromises about which house, which location, no partner saying ‘I never wanted this house!’ two years in, and you will be arranging, decorating etc, just for you and your own needs. Three of the nicest houses I know are owned by longterm single female friends, and are very obviously set up to reflect their aesthetic, needs, priorities etc.

It’s normal to feel as you do when making any life changing decision. Enjoy your new home.

This is it 100%

Everything you're feeling is completely normal! It's a huge decision and a real commitment. But it's also really exciting.

I did the same thing in September 2024, and it didn't take very long at all for it to start feeling like home.

Even exciting things are intimidating and scary sometimes. Mosttimes

Even exciting things are intimidating and scary sometimes. Mosttimes

Could it be that for you it signals the end of your freedom to move around so much?

We bought last year at the ripe age of 43, doubted every step and still have flickers! But there's nothing like owning and no longer being at the mercy of a landlord.

I did the same thing many years ago. Never ever regretted it. buy the house a little present.

I predict after 3 to 6 months, you will feel more at home.

Moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful things to do.

It will take time

I bought my first house at 24 and felt excited about it, I didn't really think about it that much to be honest. I didn't give a thought to the extent of the debt and how long it would go on for - after all, I could always move if I chose to!

I was sad when I moved from that house but for different reasons - I was attached to it but it had become too small.
As time goes on, the restriction you might feel because of the mortgage and commitment becomes more of a positive (at least it did for me) because the debt goes down and the mortgage payments become a lot less than market rent, so you can feel a lot more freedom instead.

safe is the most important word/emotion in your post, take care 🌻

I was okay then had a complete wobble, almost like vertigo when I walked into the house for the first time after getting the keys. It looked so different, rooms looked smaller, the whole thing not as good. I was a bit panicked thinking of the huge debt and the fact it was a Victorian property, thus old and would therefore fall to bits and I’d be left paying for it (+other catastrophic thoughts).

I came to love that place, best thing I ever did was to buy it, but it did not feel like that at all at the start.

Also, I had no reserves. So very little furniture. Didn’t know how to put up curtains. Couldn’t make a decision on things to buy either, took ages to choose a sofa, then didn’t realise when you order a sofa it can take weeks to come. Only had a hard chair to sit on for the first four months…Mattress on the floor for a while.

I really was a bit young and not very practical and my boyfriend who came to live with me was no better. It all worked out in the end. Good luck OP!

I literally felt like I’d signed my life away took A LONG TIME for that feeling to go

Hi OP, I bought my first house in my 40’s. It was at the third time of trying as I chickened out on the first two. It was scary. I was brought up in council houses, so knowing that you are responsible for both the mortgage and upkeep is a lot. Plus I was also thinking about how long I’d need to work 🤣. Turns out it really is the best thing as I’ve made changes to the house and am now mortgage free.
Everything you are feeling is natural.
Good luck!

Do you think the sadness is because you think you ought to be feeling excited but aren't? I remember getting buyer's remorse a couple of weeks after moving into our first house. I think it's such an emotional rollercoaster having to time up all the stages of the sale, plus worrying it all might go tits up at the last minute.

Over a decade after first getting the keys to my house, I still get a recurring dream where I don't actually own it and have to try to put back to exactly how it was when we bought it as the tenancy is coming to an end.

I moved a lot as a child and found it so stressful, even though it was always around the same area so I didn’t have to move schools. The house I currently live in isn’t practical as a forever home but the thought of having to move is knocking me sick.

Homeownership, like work and old age, is the worst thing in the world, except for the alternative.

IT’S “UNFAZED” NOT “UNPHASED”

But there's nothing like owning and no longer being at the mercy of a landlord.

From someone who has rented all their life, I can say that never has a truer word been written! We didn't buy until I was 44. It was a massive thing and although it's only shared ownership it's more ours than if we were still privately renting and we don't have a horrible landlord breathing down our necks and treating us like stupid kids!

Buying/moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do!
The day I bought my house and moved in and I burst into tears and stayed at my parents the night!

You are perfectly normal OP!
As others have said, it will soon feel more normal, and like your actual home. It’s only forever if you want it to be. Enjoy it 🌻