Not get Dh anything for Father’s Day

[Jessy5]

He’s not done anything wrong and was generous to me on Mother’s Day. But kids are teenagers now and I feel they should sort it. I have reminded them several times and they just grunt/ignore me. I am pretty sure they won’t get him anything - they never have in the past. I usually get dh something from them but feel like it shouldn’t be on me

Or you could come to a joint decision that Hallmark Holidays will not be observed in your household in future.

I'd get him something - to my husband on father's day. From you though. Not from them.

And this is precisely why they’re selfish. People making excuses for them. They aren’t hard wired to be selfish and even if they were their selfishness is still inexcusable. Presumably they would be very upset if their parents acted the same way towards them. I would let them be disappointed on an occasion special to them so they can see how it feels.

How old are they? There’s quite a difference in maturity and spending power between a 13 and 19 year old. Do they have money of their own to spend on him, access to shops, online shopping? Depending on whether they get pocket money or work it would affect how much they have to spend on presents, even a card is £2-3.
They could perhaps make cards, make food, breakfast in bed if they have limited funds but I agree with the others that you shouldn’t let your husband get nothing if they make no effort but think carefully why they think this is acceptable and tell them off afterwards and get them to think of what they could do next time and his birthday. It’s part of training them to develop into kind adults who will take care of loved ones and make them feel specially when it counts.

Never mind hinting to the teenagers about Dad being disappointed I would state it outright.😄
My DSs needed reminding annually of Mothers Day, Father’s Day, our birthdays. Once they were reaching their 20s DH and I agreed we wouldn’t remind them. Except I know we both often did secretly (especially to the one we knew would not have remembered otherwise) and the reminder was usually greeted with much appreciation from the kid/s who were horrified they had forgotten. If you don’t remind them, prepare to be disappointed. With my lot the reminders did pay off eventually and they are now very thoughtful!

Yeah they should move their arses but as teens they won't and if your husband is a good dad I could t let him feel unappreciated if he didn't deserve it ,,as a rule teeneagers are self centered. Give them the money and direct them to go and pick something for dad and buy a card

This. You need to match his effort.

Same with our family.

Quite honestly if you buy for DH, he buys for you, the kids do nothing because they know you'll fill in for them. I hope neither of you thank them for their total lack of effort

I’d get him something really nice and make a fuss but make sure he knows it’s all from you. The kids chose to do nothing.

I am divorced and expect my DC to get their dad something or make a card. I do get him something that is clearly from me as a thank you for being a good dad. So he gets something whatever the situation, but the kids don’t benefit from my pretending it’s from them.

I think do it this year as he’s done Mother’s Day and Father’s day is upon us now.

Then next year decide it’s down to the teens.

They should be doing it themselves but it needs to be flagged before the day

"Kids. You haven't got anything for Dad yet. Are you actually going to let him feel disappointed and unloved tomorrow? Sort it out. Now."

Edited as double post!

I get you are trying to make a point but it’s not a good way to go about it. Do you like him?! Like is he a good dad/husband?! If so you need to do something. What I would do is take him on a day out or to a nice restaurant without the kids and make it quite clear to them that you are doing it because you appreciate him as a dad, embarrass them that way!

This.

@Jessy5

Buy something and make it from you, not the kids. Yes, yes I know he's not your dad but I'll assume that he's a good dad who makes it easier for you to be a good mum. So, this year, show your own appreciation for that. DH and I always bought each other a little something for MD and FD as a 'thank you' for making our parenting easier. The kids' gifts were a bit 'bigger' and from them only.

And I'd show the kids what I've bought as my gift to their dad and ask 'What have you bought him?'. If they say 'nothing' I'd simply say "Well, you have a few hours left, better get on the stick".

I think your DC's reaction to your requests is reasonable. Both mother's and father's days are capitalist inventions. They're only really going to be meaningful when your DC are no longer living at home and decide that they want to reflect on how important either of you have been in their lives (if they want to do so on these arbitrary days and not at other times).

I agree with your point that it should be on them as they are old enough OP, but because it was very likely your husband who ensured you were spoiled on Mother’s Day, this is not the time to teach kids the lesson. Tomorrow evening once celebrations are over you can say to them that next year both Mothers and Father’s Day is their day to show parents their appreciation and you or dad will no longer be helping with it. Then speak to your husband well before Mother’s Day to reiterate that you feel the children are old enough to sort themselves.