Not get Dh anything for Father’s Day

[Jessy5]

He’s not done anything wrong and was generous to me on Mother’s Day. But kids are teenagers now and I feel they should sort it. I have reminded them several times and they just grunt/ignore me. I am pretty sure they won’t get him anything - they never have in the past. I usually get dh something from them but feel like it shouldn’t be on me

While your kids should do something, even if just make a card, why don’t you celebrate him as being a father - making it clear it’s from you alone!

I would get your Husband something and then after the day sit down with him and discuss together that in future it is on the kids. Then separately tell them that if they cannot be bothered to show any level of effort, you will match their energies for their birthdays and Christmas and mean it. They need to realise if they act selfish, they can opt to do so but there are consequences.

Your husband is an adult. Very different from teenagers.

Could you double up? Leave it to them to shame them. But then when it's you two, you and him, together, get him something private from you.

But I agree. The children should take responsibility. Offer to take them shopping?

Teenagers are absolutely NOT hard wired to be selfish!

"Treat others as you expect them to treat you" springs to mind.

It's called parenting. You teach your teenagers to be kind, thoughtful, caring people, and if they then choose to be ungrateful then you teach them that there will be consequences to unkind/unthoughtful/uncaring behaviour.

So there is no harm in hinting that you know how disappointed they'd be on their birthday if all they got is a happy birthday grunt rather than a card and present, so the same applies to other things.

Maybe reign things in on your childrens birthdays next time. Warn them that the effort they put into others will be what they receive going forward?

They've got today to rectify it.

I get what you are trying to do, but having that conversation with yornhusband before Mother's day would have been the right time

I think it would depend who sorted your Mother’s Day gifts? Was it your DH or the kids?

So glad you said that!

all kids are naturally selfish to get their needs met - but we don’t just sit back passively and let it continue - we teach them to love and care and share from when they are babies in order to socialise them. We teach them to step into another persons shoes to see the world from others perspectives. To be thoughtful.

this pervading views of ‘all teens are selfish’ as something that is just to be accepted it is utter rubbish.

selfishness needs challenging - helping them to understand how the other person thinks is crucial to their development as a human being. Learning to be kind and to do things such as presents in significant days is just part of teaching them to be nice human beings.

to just go ‘oh that’s teenagers’ is going to ensure a generation of entitled kids that grow up into entitled adults that will be awful to be around .

selfishness is not an engrsined trait - it can be worked on and I would never just accept it from my team in a ‘they can’t help it way’ - they can learn and they need to learn they are not the centre of the universe and little gestures if live snd kindness matter .

I agree.yes of course they can be self centred etc but they are not "hard wired" to be selfish I can't believe there is parents out there excusing them.

Assuming you have a good relationship with your husband, you could ask him before you make a stand one way or the other. I understand the intention but teenagers are inherently quite selfish so he might be hurt and it may still not have the intended effect of shaming them into it not happening again.

We don’t do anything for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in our house unless prompted by our daughter (we did when she was younger, as did school). This year she knew when it is herself, designed her own card on Moonpig (I didn’t even know she knew what moonpig is) and chose and bought his presents herself. I haven’t actually seen them, apparently it’s something that he will ‘get’ and she’s very chuffed with herself for it.

it wouldn’t be as meaningful if I had done it for her. She’s done this because she wants to and bought what she wants to buy him and I think that’s important.

He was generous on mothers day, i assume your dc were teenagers in march? It wont 'embarrass' them- they are teenagers they wont care. All it will do is make you H feel like shit, undeservably. YABVU

YABU - you can’t teach your selfish children a lesson at the expense of your DH, who you say makes an effort for you. Take the kids out now and get them to buy something. And afterwards teach them not to be such selfish ingrates. You raised them so why are they like this?

OP, are you doing too much for them?
This is very poor behaviour and I sure as shit would be adjusting my behaviour if I saw it in my children.

I found a spell of not doing stuff for them, buying no junk food, only ingredients, refusing lifts and a plain No answer to everything had my children very quickly rethinking their behaviour and choices.

Don't tolerate it.
Selfish children turn into unlikeable selfish adults...beware.

If your husband is a good father, there is no way I would be standing for it.

My friends teens forgot their father, they were a bit thoughtless.

She went out for a meal with him and told them to sort themselves out, she wasn't cooking and she told them no to every lift for a week. They eventually cracked, got their father a gift and card and apologised.
She said she continued to pepper her answers with no as they needed to develop a bit more appreciation all round.
Did them no harm at all.

My DD is in Thailand atm, and won't have given it a thought. I wouldn't really want it any other way. I'm happy she is out in the world enjoying herself.

He made an effort for you on Mothers' Day and I think you should do the same for him. But let it be (subtly) obvious that the gifts are from you to thank him for being a good dad and supporting the load of having kids with you. Don't try to pretend that they're from the DCs.

Just tell them to go to the shops now and when they grunt remind them about all the things their dad does for them and that if they can't be bothered to go and get something for him perhaps he won't be bothered to do stuff for them.
It's a pain, I know. My eldest two are perfectly capable of getting cards and gifts sorted but I still have to remind them (to be fair they do get him stuff, although eldest has just gone to the shops so probably forgot until today).
Tell, don't ask, them to go to the shop. If your husband made sure you had a lovely Mother's Day, you have to return the favour (or make your kids do it).

I'd get him cards and presents at at your teens' bedtime tonight ask them what they've got him. If they're shamefaced and apologetic then lay into them a bit about how they're ungrateful and thoughtless and will hurt his feelings - give them the things, tell them this is the last time and remind them of this incident next year. If they're not then you've got bigger problems with their attitude and behaviour but you and DH need to tackle that together not on father's day.

Well as he helped with mother's day this year, maybe you could help with father's day too, but make sure your DC know that this is the last year you'll be doing it.
Then agree with your DP ahead of Mother's Day next year to let it ride and the same for Father's Day.

I agree OP. I mean, how long do you continue to step in on their behalf? If they’re teens, what about when they become adults? Would those on here saying they would make sure there was something sent to DHs, in the absence of their teens caring enough to give something themselves, carry on doing it into adulthood and beyond? Its father day - a day to show appreciation, so surely if the teens don’t bother with a card then they’re showing that they don’t appreciate him, so why would anyone else pretend they do by sending something on the teens’ behalf? This is why some of the current generation don’t give a toss about anyone or anything, or the consequences - because there’s always someone there covering their backs, and parents don’t want others to think bad of them.

If your children are selfish, you only have yourselves as parents to blame. But be that as it may, if your DH made sure you had a nice Mother’s Day then it would be pretty awful to ruin his Father’s Day when you know for certain they’re not going to bother getting him anything, just to make a point.

It's not the mum's role to do father's day- it's down to the children as soon as they are old enough to go shopping or ask you to if they can't.

Do it next year for Mother’s Day. Tell your DH that he is not to intervene. It’s your plan so you should be the one with no cards or gifts not your DH.
I have been ‘forgotten’ over the years and it’s upsetting so be prepared. Neither me or DH bought Mothers/Fathers days gifts for our kids to give us. We let them get on with it and sometimes they remembered and sometimes they didn’t. They got there in the end.
It’s worth giving it a go.

If he got you something for Mother's Day it clearly does mean something to him and I guess your kids were teenagers 3 months ago on MD 2026. Get him something...

Buy him something, then deduct the cost of it, plus a generous service charge for you having to go and buy it, from next month's pocket money. Consequences