Not get Dh anything for Father’s Day

[Jessy5]

He’s not done anything wrong and was generous to me on Mother’s Day. But kids are teenagers now and I feel they should sort it. I have reminded them several times and they just grunt/ignore me. I am pretty sure they won’t get him anything - they never have in the past. I usually get dh something from them but feel like it shouldn’t be on me

I would get him something from you, but keep it back. So when present giving time comes, if they have nothing, it spurs them to make sure they sort it in the future. You can then give him the present from you later in the day - but make it abundantly clear it is FROM YOU as a thank you to him for being a great Dad.

the kids should sort it themselves but if they’ve gotten to this age without sorting it before they need helped or he will get hurt.

i’d take them to the shop yourself and let them choose somwthing.

if you want then to be more proactive mark it in your calendar for next year and get them told prior of your expectations im time for the first date which is mother’s day.

Well have you directed them in buying for other people in the family or do they just expect you to provide, give them a nudge and some money and send them to the shop,

As a family we've never done fathers day, mothers day valentines et al. We are incredibly close and know how we feel about each other without adding to the commercial shit, we do stuff for each other all year round.
But, each to their own.

I would tell them if they want anything for their own birthday or Christmas or if they still want you as parents to pay for anything for them, they can get their arse to the shop. How hard is it to buy a card and a small gift??

I think sort it this time but suggest to DH that you scrap mothers and Father’s Day going forward, it’s meaningless at this point if the kids aren’t the ones putting in the effort. Save your time, money and mental load.

I understand the intention behind you doing it, but if he has been a good dad to your children and he made the effort to ensure that you were celebrated for being a good mum to your children, then I would make sure there was something there for him. However, I wouldn’t be organising it all myself. You’ve got teenagers. Sit each one of them down. Explain to them very clearly what the expectations are and that they need to ensure that they organise a card and a small gift. Ask them how they’d feel if their next birthdays were just a quick ‘happy birthday’ yelled as you left for work and nothing else, and that you’d decided they’re old enough to have their efforts matched in terms of celebrating them. You and your husband have enabled them to not bother making any effort on either day, so I don’t understand why it’s suddenly so important to bring out the big guns to punish them for it.

Or wait until next Mother’s Day and tell him not to do anything or remind the children, and embarrass them on your day, not his.

I not trying to catch them out - have reminded them multiple times and even offered money (though they have sufficient pocket money). We live near shops. It seemed the consensus is I should buy something, so I will. I am just sad they don’t care and thought not doing it would motivate them in future, or even into going out later in the day tomorrow

Why don't you take him our for his lunch just the two of you and let your teenagers sort themselves out with whatever is in the house.

Get over yourself. It was your choice to have kids and a family. He treated you on Mother’s Day and if I had raised selfish children I sure as hell wouldn’t allow my husband to miss out because of it. Even a bloody card.

Was it your husband or your teenagers that treated you on Mother’s Day?

Why no threaten (and follow through ) some real consequences, rather than messing up his day (if he cares) ? Or sort stuff out, but just sign it from you. They’ll get the embarrassment and he still gets some appreciation, even if it’s just from you.

I would bundle them out the door with you and take them to the shops, i don't think they should be allowed to opt out,

What’s wrong with going to each of them, asking if they’ve done something and if the answer is ‘no’, telling them that they are a selfish little shit, you are ashamed of them and you’ll be making a similar level of effort on their birthdays?

What this is actually showing is that none of you have made the effort. You don’t need to pretend it’s from the kids but if he made sure you had a nice Mother’s Day then it would be kind to do something nice for him.

From the OP

He’s not done anything wrong and was generous to me on Mother’s Day.

Did OP say who got her Mother's Day stuff?

Yes, I saw that. But I was double checking if the teenagers did anything as well or had any input.

I would get something from you to say thanks to DH for being a good father to your children but maybe give it to him from you so kids are unaware - so dad doesn’t think he is completely unappreciated but kids also learn to take responsibility for their own gifts and organisation.

They really should not have got to teenager hood and not been responsible for buying their dad a card or gift. Does this happen at birthdays and Xmas too ?
If they don’t do it now when will they learn how to ? Or that they should ?

Yup, definitely agree with this one!

If you've bought him stuff "from the children" in the past and they haven't really been involved, then it's understandable that they don't bother doing anything themselves now. I'd remind them that it's Fathers' Day, say it's time for them to buy their own gifts now, and offer them help if needed (advice, lift to the shops, etc.) Make the expectation clear, but you can't force them. Then I'd get DH something small but thoughtful from YOU, not because he's YOUR dad but because he's A dad who's important to you.

I'd actually give it to him in front of the children with an acknowledgement of what it is - not a substitute for their gifts but your own little acknowledgement of the day. If they've their own thing too then great! If they've done nothing (and are not total arseholes) they'll probably feel a bit embarrassed and maybe take you up on the offer to help next year.

I agree with PPs: don't sort it or do nothing. Make them do it with clear consequences if they don't and an enforced lift or walk to the shops. You are right that they need to do it, but also I wouldn't allow them to be that selfish without consequences (to them not your DH).

Well yes given he gives you for mothers day, you should give him for fathers day. If you feel it more the childrens responsibility now because of age and want to leave it to them then get for him this year and have a conversation about it after fathers day something like "DH I think it's time we let the kids sort their own gifts for mothers day/fathers year next year. I don't think we'll have much luck but we need to pass the responsibility onto them sometime and they aren't going to do it whilst we do it for them" that seems fairer than him being generous for you this year and you just doing nothing for him.

I see your point but I wouldnt have dh not getting anything. If you want to insist they come to shop today and buy something do that. But drive them there and make sure they do it rather than no gift for dh. Teens can be selfish they probably won't feel bad or learn from it anyway. Ensuring they get it done today is likely to be a bigger inconvenience and may make them more organised next time.