Not get Dh anything for Father’s Day

[Jessy5]

He’s not done anything wrong and was generous to me on Mother’s Day. But kids are teenagers now and I feel they should sort it. I have reminded them several times and they just grunt/ignore me. I am pretty sure they won’t get him anything - they never have in the past. I usually get dh something from them but feel like it shouldn’t be on me

It seems weird to just stop doing what you've always done, especially AFTER you've had mothers day.

As long as you show your appreciation to DH in your own way, lunch out or whatever, then I don't see the issue with not buying him anything or giving him a card from the kids.. that is their responsibility now, make sure you tell them that you are NOT doing it this year though.

Make it clear next year though that you are both to opt out of bailing the kids out.

Why don’t you clarify who sorted out Mothers Day for you OP? The answer to that provides the way forward.

If you genuinely feel strongly about it then the right to test it is Mothers Day.

Next year you make it plain, well in advance, that the teenagers should think about and arrange Mothers Day. Its nothing to do with your husband.

I wouldn't decide the day before Fathers Day to change the parameters.

He 'hasn't done anything wrong' and he took the time/trouble to get something for you on Mother's day so why would you hurt him by potentially leaving him with nothing on father's day?
I would definitely be stirring up the lazy/selfish teens about this but I wouldn't get nothing and potentially leave him hurt on the day if the teens don't come good

You’re fed up with your lazy and spoilt kids - even though you’re one of the parents that raised them that way.

You sound like you’re just jealous of DH getting any attention.

Why would you not model appreciating your DH for being a good father, like he did with you on Mother’s Day.

Same - it just doesn’t occur to me that DH would want a card, I can certainly manage without one. We try to be reasonably nice to one another all year round!

Book a table for two, so you both can have a treat and leave the fathers day stuff to the kids, but I do think need to be in agreement in advance. I also agree, they are old enough to sort it themselves. It's just another lesson to be taught isn't it? For the kids to learn respect, priorities etc.

I don't think my mum has ever bought any fathers day stuff for us, we drew a card when young and when we started to get pocket money, we bought dad a treat.

Depends whether you like DH or not I suppose? DH father day pressie and card from the cat are bought and wrapped ready for tomorrow!

Sadly DD17 hasn’t bothered about Father’s Day for quite a few years now. There’s a Grandad mug on the kitchen table but I found that at a garden sale & will most likely be the one that gives it to DF. This year, I’ve bought a card for DH that says “ To a wonderful husband on Father’s Day”. He’s choosing what we have for tea tomorrow. I find there’s only so much you can do to encourage your kids to be considerate. DD spent a ridiculous amount for her GF’s 18th recently but won’t even get a card for DH.

This!

This is probably coming from a place of being frustrated and fed up with the amount of stuff on your plate. But now is not the time and not at the expense of your DH's feelings.

We have three days a year each that are important to us. Our birthdays, our anniversary and M/F day. Its important and we would be hurt if neither did anything. I always include the kids in the plans and its become traditional.

• Pancakes and maple syrup for breakfast (this year cooked by eldest as hes a whizz at pancakes now)
• A local walk before an m&s picky bits lunch (bought by me)
• Gifts (chosen by DC, usually ordered on amazon/online - so low effort physically)
• Dinner picked by DH and cooked by me, ordered on the weekly shop.

Easy peasy to make someone feel special with little effort op. Don't do this now. Speak to the kids well before the next one and get DH to do the same before mother day.

I’d deffo take DH out tomorrow and leave the ingrates to think on.

Its a bit petty tbh.Just get him something this year and pre warn him next yr that dc are sorting it

I would get him something but from me "to appreciate him as a father to our kids". That way he is still being honoured on the day but the lazy tykes aren't getting the credit.

I get my husband a card and present from me on this basis. Daughter makes a card from her and gets him a small gift with pocket money. Adult son (has left home) sends a text message if he remembers- i don't specifically remind him unless we've spoken very recently. You can't cover for them forever.

You buy him something this year, and then afterwards have a conversation with DH and both agree you are putting responsibility onto kids from now onwards. It’s a bit rubbish to happily accept gifts from your husband for Mother’s Day but then when the time comes for him to wash your hands of it.

We don't have kids so I don't do anything for my husband but i have to remind him to send his Dad a card and i often end up sorting his Mother's day card at the same time as my Mum.

My husband is a great Dad.
His grown up children will all acknowledge the day and I will as well.
You don’t need to spend a lot, but I have got him a small gift too.

Get them nothing for their birthdays and say “Oh I thought someone else was sorting it.”

Shame based parenting. Really poor - are they decent kids otherwise?

It has hit a nerve as that's how mine did it. I once didn't get them an anniversary card as a teenager, my dad went to great lengths to tell me how upset my mother was whilst she stood there like a martyr saying nothing but she'd obviously told him to tell me off - probably not as upset as when you punched her in the face dad.

They're old enough to sort it out.

I would give them one last reminder.

"It's father's day tomorrow, so I hope you have all sorted out a card and present, otherwise your dad will be very disappointed, and I will be disappointed in you."

I'd perhaps then say that if they don't put the effort in, then you and your DH will assume that they aren't interested in you putting effort in either e.g. birthdays/christmas...

Oh don't do that, they are teenagers , hard wired to be selfish. That's awful.

Is there anything on tomorrow in your local area that you could all go to, and then ask for contribution from teenagers when there

How do teenagers treat you normally? Do they expect lifts etc. Are they helpful round the house? Maybe stop some lifts etc until they show some more respect

I really can't get with your train of thought. Just how old are the teens? Why are you accepting grunts when you remind them?

Ask them what they are getting DH and when they are getting it. Then when the time/date is getting close to when they say they were going to get he gifts, remind them. If the time has past, ask them if they got the gifts. If not, why not. Remind them what DH does for them. That getting/doing nothing is not acceptable. You're still the parent even if they are teens.

I think you should also take charge of arranging a lunch or some other gesture.He has made an effort for you. He may not be YOUR father, but he is the father of YOUR kids and it's fitting to show your own appreciation. I just can't imagine being so cruel to my own DH just to teach my kids a lesson.

Thank the lord my teenagers are not selfish like this - they always get a little card and pressie which is thoughtful but not expensive but shows they know what we like and is always really appreciated. They do appreciate reminders that Father’s Day or dad’s birthday is coming up - but they do then sort a gift and card.

if mine where showing no interest despite prompts and offers to help them buy a gift - I’d get a lovely card and present and sign it from the dog, cat, ferret, goldfish (whatever you have) and then give it to him.

if they truly want to not bother despite various prompts from you - I would let them deal with the fall out. That level of selfishness needs addressing as it is just so unnecessary. I would also put a voucher in the card that I goldie the goldfish cannot leave my tank - but mum is going to take you to the pub for a Sunday toast and few pints for me. Teenagers would not be invited.

Do your DC remember you on mother's day, or is it left to DH to take care of?

I think it would be sad not to celebrate doing something for him. Maybe just from you as a father to the DC.