Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

I have a ten month old baby and can’t stop thinking about this poor baby, it brings me to tears. I think a big lesson here is that these were white middle class professional men - is this why they weren’t challenged? Or because they were a same sex couple? Because they couldn’t possibly be paedophiles?

Sick, angry furious disgusted. Looking at that chubby little curly haired smiley baby BEFORE he was handed over to those 2 sub human pieces of shit 😡 why the hell didnt they do what the family wanted. The foster parents were happy to keep him a few more weeks while his Grandmother recovered from surgery, them he could grow up with his biological sibling in a loving home.
But no.
Another child sacrificed on the altar of diversity.
Every single social worker, NHS worker and police officer who ignored his suffering should be in court.
The only small consolation is that the inmates of the Category A prisons are rumoured to be rubbing their hands together waiting to see which nick they will be placed in.
The screws cant be everywhere at all times 😉

This is a story that made me visceral physically ill when reading it and one that I tried at all costs to avoid after, as a mother to a little boy toddler I just kept seeing his face in my algorithm and couldn't deal with it. The little I read of the case was enough to repel me and play on my mind, I lay awake at night thinking of that innocent child and that evil evil predator who used and killed him. The details were just horrific, and that man must never waver see light of day again, there isn't a depth to the depravity.

I spoke to my friend about this case recently. She is a retired prison officer who used to work in the "Sex Offenders Unit" (it probably had a different name but that's essentially what it was). The sex offenders were in their own area, segregated from the rest of the prisoners, so they were a lot safer than being in the general prison population.

She said that they had to stop the Talking Therapy group at one point because the prisoners were - obviously - encouraged to talk about their offences and she said that the ones describing their crimes were definitely getting off on being able to relive it, and the ones listening were obviously savouring all of the details for, presumably, wank fodder later 😢😢

Poor baby Preston, my heart aches 💔

They won't leave prison alive.

Not alone. Had a cry about it on my lunchbreak today. If someone had handed that baby to me I would have cherished him.

Absolutely agree. Dh is an ex prison officer. Whilst there are cameras everywhere and they can’t “turn a blind eye” he said they won’t last five minutes

The video of him being repeatedly woken up on his 1st birthday was so upsetting, and the fact that was one of the “lesser” (I hate to use that term, hopefully people understand what I mean though) cruelties inflicted on him makes me feel ill.

I understand this as a trigger reaction but it isn't necessarily that straightforward. These two were evil and depraved. But not because they were gay. They went under the radar because they played the game to look respectable. One was a teacher, with safeguarding training.

There are many stories of heterosexual couples harming and killing adopted and fostered children, and their own children. Of mothers being the perpetrators. I don't want to link to them, but they are all too easy to find. Being gay does not make someone incapable of being a caring parent. Being depraved and cruel does. And these qualities occur in people of both sexes and orientations.

I honestly think we need a social reset in which we consciously choose to learn not to trust and value superficial charm. It has been so idolised for years, on reality TV, on social media. We are attracted to and respect people who are larger than life, who big themselves up. We end up with Bojo, Nigel, Trump - morally defunct self-seekers in charge politically, and we worship the likes of Musk. When people like this succeed, it filters down and we look up to mini-me versions of them.

I bet these two evil men and the friends who vouched for them did a real charm offensive on the social workers. We need to learn to see through these veneers and value highly the less shiny values of kindness, gentleness, loyalty, reliability, calmness.

Thank you. You said in two sentences what I tried to say in several paragraphs.

Sorry but the decision for him to be adopted has fuck all to do with diversity. If you're going to be indignant and pretend to care, have the respect to at least learn the basics of what you're protesting about, if you actually want anything to change.

I was surprised Ian Huntley and Ian Watkins lasted as long in prison as they did, but it still happened eventually and very often does.

I’m not totally convinced it always happens solely because the other inmates are passionate about getting justice for the victims, but I definitely think the lack of respect those sorts get inside overall is a massively contributing factor.

The name of the SW wasn’t given, but this was the Times, not the DM, so I do tend to believe that it was on the level. And it was a very small part of a very lengthy article, not some screaming headline.

One thing I haven't read so far on these threads although I might have missed some posts, is that it seems unusual to me that these two individuals, despite having passed the adoption vetting process with ease would have absolutely no previous history of doing something.

Obviously, neither of them had any criminal record, DBS checks flagged nothing etc but whilst I hope nobody else has been harmed by them, rather sadly, I'm half expecting other allegations to come to light now Preston's case is so high profile.

How long had the pair been together? Not that long, I seem to remember reading. Was either of them ever abusive to ex partners?

Were they involved in children's activities or volunteering and left quietly at the right moment?

I say this as having a very unstable ex myself. I did report him to police but it was a, "She said/he said" case and went nowhere. I remember thinking that one day, I would read about him doing something far worse than he ever did to me, or his other ex who I contacted and got to know at the time. I did eventually see his obituary In the local paper. No idea how he died but he was only 33 or 34 and perfectly healthy in the body, if not the mind so, who knows?

Sorry. I just let my mind turn a bit there.

Fair enough, though I find it baffling still. The whole point of being in social work is to challenge - we practice challenging authority on a daily basis, often to our senior managers who hold the purse strings, or in the case of adoption, often sensitive subjects such as race and culture. I struggle to understand how anyone could be comfortable in the profession keeping quiet for fear of saying something unpopular. I mean, wait until you're really sure? Fine. Keep quiet when you think there's something wrong that could leave a child in danger? You shouldn't be in the job.

@Redheadedstepchild I thought the same, if Varley worked in schools I wonder if he could have kept those tendancies completely under wraps or whether there will be any stories of people seeing signs with the benefit of hindsight. It's such a significant and rapid escalation otherwise.

Yes but you can change your vote if you vote accidentally can't you? That doesn't account for the other 4 per cent.

Thank you for your thoughtful and well-reasoned posts on this thread.

Since I became a parent, I can not cope with reading any crime with children as victim. I mean with your own children if there is anything SLIGHTLY wrong and they are upset you rush to save them and comfort them. Just imagine if this cruelty happens to your own children. Some people are evil and should not exist in this world!!!

He spoke at our school too and I remember thinking how amazing he was. he had all of that glib charm that now so concerns me as a sign of a mask that conceals amorality.

You did the right thing-I read it all and regretted it. There's just no redeeming features or comfort to be found in any of it.

It would have been better for him if his abusers hadn't been allowed to adopt him, and if that wasn't preventable, that social workers and health care professionals had taken action when they saw his injuries.

Well of course. Best of all if his birth mother had been an appropriate carer in the first place.

@LizardLore i know you don’t mean that to sound as heartless as it does

He's an inadequate evil deviant. Jail will be hell for him. Good.