Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

Why in God's name did they accept the explanation for his broken arm?

I can't stop thinking about the case either.

I don't think men should be allowed to adopt if they're on their own or with other men.

Safeguarding is too important.

When that JV was throwing himself on the floor and screaming for his mum after baby Preston had passed away he was doing that because he knew their barbaric (that word doesn’t seen strong enough) acts were about to be discovered not due to any guilt. It doesn’t bare thinking about how long this would have gone on for after all at 13 months old he was a long way from being able to speak out. Ironically he would have turned 4 yesterday so in effect he got justice for his birthday. Another thing I don’t agree with and feel free to disagree with me but I don’t like the way they’re bringing up Preston’s birth mothers past. Yes what she did to the lovely elderly lady was sickening but that’s nothing to do with that poor little baby.

@Delladuck I'm sorry you had that experience. There is a lot more support available now for families before it reaches social services (though appreciate that what is offered isn't always want families need/want, eg it's more likely to be advice rather than practical support)
I don't think it would ever be possible to develop a service that would prevent these things happening though sadly. I read the reviews as part of my CPD and it's actually common for them to conclude that though there may be some minor fillings with hindsight etc, that the death or serious injury could not have been prevented or predicted. The reality is there are many families where what could be read as warning signs don't result in anything terrible happening to a child, and it can be genuinely impossible to know which ones will.

I know not a lot of information has been released so far but from what I have read it does seem like a missing piece of the puzzle to identify the cruelty was the volume of distressing pictures and videos. I hope in future that there could be some way for the tech companies/AI to detect that sort of thing.

And unfortunately we have a legal system that is currently unfit for purpose. There are far too many instances where sentences are ridiculously lenient and not proportionate to the crime.

This case should warrant life ... without the possibility of parole.

You really can’t say he didn’t mean to kill him. Varley has been convicted of murder, and a murder conviction requires only that the offender unlawfully killed the victim with the intent to either kill or cause really serious harm.

Varley was smart enough to know that what he was doing could kill.

Medical staff are trained to consider whether an account given for an injury to a child is plausible. The social worker relies on the medical opinion. They can challenge it, or ask the medic more questions, but they're not medical experts, the doctors are. From what has been shared the adoptive parents were very plausible. It was only later found out they'd given different stories to different people about how it happened.

A baby that young with repeated injuries should have raised red flags though - particularly given that he was adopted.

Medical staff sometimes fuck up badly - look at the Baby P case. And they have again here.

One in twenty children in the UK are sexually abused. (I was one of them)

See also the recent study that showed the majority of men who answered the survey said they would sexually abuse a child if guaranteed they wouldn't get caught.

The monsters are many, among us, the lovely men, pillars of the community, nice lonely man, etc. Read up on the signs a child is being abused. I showed very obvious signs and was ignored, for years.

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/child-sexual-abuse

Unfortunately having his mother around didn’t prevent the death of baby Peter Connelly (Baby P) from abuse by his mother’s boyfriend. He too was repeatedly seen by social workers and healthcare professionals. Apparently they (his mother and her boyfriend) smeared chocolate over his bruises.

They trotted out at the time that lessons have been learned but clearly they have not.

@Naurrr i was sexually abused too. So was my mum.

I think, because the majority of us aren't wired up to be abusive or cruel, we find it impossible to comprehend how someone could treat another human being in this vile way, especially a defenceless baby. He was basically using that child as a sex toy. It beggars belief that he'd already caused poor Preston to have breathing difficulties, and a broken elbow, but still continued to violate him. Was that not a wake up call to stop? I'm not normally a vindictive person, but I truly hope these men, especially the main perpetrator (whose name I refuse to write), get their karma in prison.

Karma will get them in prison. Inmates tend to target child abusers. I suspect they will go the same way as Ian Huntly. And in the intervening time, they're going to be utterly terrified and looking over their shoulders on a daily basis. Bastards deserve all that's coming to them.

See also the recent study that showed the majority of men who answered the survey said they would sexually abuse a child if guaranteed they wouldn't get caught.

Horrifying to imagine that many people won’t know if they were abused because the perpetrators kept it within the limits to ensure they wouldn’t get caught.

I think it just goes to show how much an unconscious bias can impact all of us, even when working in a profession capacity. They were intelligent, educated, well turned out professionals. This seemed to pull the wool over the eyes of many involved. It’s just a fact that if the men had different jobs and presented differently that nobody would have accepted that they broke his arm accidentally.

I have worked in front line services and seen some things; but yes this case is absolutely horrific. I can’t even read the details of it.

The arm injury would have been around the age he started to be mobile though, if I've understood the time line correctly. And I recall one of the doctors comments about bruising was that it wasn't unusual in the context of a child learning to stand.
It will be useful to see if the review report indicates anything more. One thing I struggle with is the mention of how many injuries he had when he died - I wonder whether he was properly checked over when medics had seen him previously (appreciate there's a possibility abuse could have ramped up prior to his death, but I can't help but wonder if it's likely injuries were missed) Or whether there could have been scope for social workers to see anything more on visits, eg were carers notably covering him up, did they allow the social worker to hold him etc.

It's also horrifying to realise that for every child rescued, or who turns up severely injured or dead, there are likely many more out there right now enduring the same abuse and degradation. It breaks my heart to think about it.

You can change your vote on MN!

In a Times article about this today, a social worker is quoted as saying that their biggest fear (when they have doubts or worries) is being accused of homophobia or other prejudice, having complaints made against them - and management failing to back them up.

So their worries/spidey senses/intuition feelings may well be swept under the mental carpet.

Most houses with straight men and children in - have a woman in too.

To be honest there's so much absolute scum in prison these days that any inmate (including child abusers) is far more likely to get his head kicked in over a row about Spice or mobile phones. It's not like back in the day when you had "honest" old lags. The prisons are bursting with dangerously violent, deranged drug addicts who don't give a shit who did what so long as they get their fix.

This has been the first time in my life that I’ve been considering whether the death penalty may have a place after all. I am so anti this but I just cant compute this at all.

That beautiful boy. I can’t actually think of it without welling up.

It makes me so sad, what the poor helpless baby had to endure. He was a beautiful boy made to suffer by these evil humans.
A baby that came into the world and wasn't loved.😢
These men were evil. The only punishment would be for them to suffer the way they made the poor little baby suffer.

I find it hard to believe that's a real quote. And if it is, they should deregister. You don't go into social work, or stay in it, if you're fearful of challenging people or discussing uncomfortable subjects. Plus, unconscious bias training is routine and reflective discussions are expected. If there is an office culture where such things can't be said that's very worrying and needs to change. It's not one I've come across in over twenty years of practice though, personally.

If you think a woman's presence in the house prevents child abuse you are very naive.