AIBU to disown my family?

[Alessoutingname]

Long story so as to not drip feed.

I have a large family with lots of siblings. Younger sister has (since young teen) an issue with illegal drugs. Quite a big problem that has gotten her into bother over the years with police and courts etc but parents always bailed her out.

Years ago I offered to pay for her to go into a facility and initially she agreed however a day before initial consultation she pulled out telling me she didn’t want to stop taking drugs and didn’t want to waste my money because she will never stay off them. Not delighted about it but it’s her life and I was grateful she didn’t allow me to waste money knowing she would come out and use again.

I’ve never taken an illegal substance in my life. I am a professional and live a quiet, boring but very happy life without drama. Never been involved with police and never brought issues to my parents door growing up.

Obviously I am aware of my sisters drug use and she knows that I have a zero tolerance approach to it and before now would not use/be under the influence when I’m around.

An argument broke out during the week at a family party between her and I because she wanted to use in my presence and around lots of other people including our parents. I left the party and went home immediately after this.

However since this my family have all fallen out with me. See me as a trouble maker by not allowing my sister to do what she likes because in their opinion she’s an adult and can do what she likes. FWIW, no one else (to my knowledge) in my family uses illegal substances.

I have tried explaining that being around someone using these things doesn’t sit right with me in general causes me great anxiety because of the unpredictability but also would without a shadow of a doubt cost me my job if it was reported to my employers that I was knowingly in the company of someone in possession of/using drugs.

What have I done wrong here because I cannot for the life of me fathom how this scenario has been turned around on me to make me look like I’m the unreasonable party here.

What would you do in this scenario? Currently I’m thinking of cutting everyone in my family off so I can enjoy my boring but peaceful life.

So AIBU to cut my family off?

There’s more than 1 child and usually my parents or the children’s dad

I disowned my own dc after he turned up still stoned and assaulted his sibling. Zero tolerance.. Good on you op. Nice to have morals and stick to them ime.. Your dps are her enablers. And when she is dead in the gutter or spent their life savings your conscience is clear... Your dps will have to live with their choices. Leave them to it.

So she was snorting coke and you are the bad guy? Lovely.
Honestly, take a break from them.
If you sister wants to snort coke and your family don’t mind, but do mind that you mind, leave them to it for a while.
What do they actually bring to your world? Because it sounds like very little.
Build up your own life - as I’ve gotten older I much prefer time with friends than with family.

Wow she sounds like a twat, all the same it would to be sound extreme to cut yourself off from the rest of your family. That might feel justified at the time but you could regret it and it might be hard to come back from.
Could you apologise for the argument and avoid her in the future.
I can vaguely imagine how angry you were, I have no tolerance for drugs and she's rude and disgusting to do that Infront of you, your job aside that's not on.

Best of luck, lots of families are dysfunctional but still your family. I hope your sister grows up and changes one day.

She wasn’t but said she was going to get some and do it openly essentially.

They bring very little. I was telling my partner this week that actually since this issue my life has been peaceful because no one has contacted me to do something for them, help them out or to gossip/spread drama and that I’ve actually really enjoyed the peace.

They’ve not brought anything to my life for a long time. I am entirely self made as such. Since 16 parents haven’t assisted me in anyway financially (not that I expected them to) or emotionally (certainly expected this).

By parents were decent hardworking people their entire lives, unfortunately my siblings are not. Between one thing or another all of my siblings have been stood with hands out totally financially draining them and recently they tried some sob stories to get money from me since my parents have been bled dry.

If you are enjoying the peace right now I’d leave it be. If you feel differently later on then you can contact your parents if you want to. Maybe one day you can explain your hurt and frustrations to them and they’ll listen.

Unfortunately if your sister doesn’t want to change she won’t, hopefully one day she will.

Don’t beat yourself up about the row, it happened and it’s done now.

Your parents know your DSis isn't in the right but they're probably frightened Op, they're scared of her getting into trouble with the police or dealers, they're scared of the SS taking her DC, they're scared of her turning on them and cutting them off. They know you don't approve and that makes you dangerous, they need to get you onside so you'll help to hide your DSis secrets which is why they're set on defending her to you.
Sadder still, your DSis is trying to provoke you because she knows you don't approve, deep down inside she may regret turning down your offer of rehab, if she can implicate you by doing drugs in front of you she'll feel better.
I'd test the waters with your parents but if they can only focus on your DSis whilst blaming you I'd go NC

typical MN middle class coke party

I hope you didn’t respond to an email invitation and pay any money. I think you were scammed 😆

I

Im sure your parents wont look at it as 'leave her be she's and adult' when she overdoses

The poor DC who looks after him, not the DSis surely.
You did nothing wrong, as they say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family, l would go nc.
Feel very sorry for your little nephew though.

Sounds like your family have scape-goated you and you are 100% right to oppose your sisters' desire to use whilst in yours and your famillies pressence.

Your sister is likely having some serious with drawals and may be trying to prevent her self from rattling whilst she is around family. The drugs have well and truelly got hold of her but it sounds like your family have turned against you for intervening and this is very odd as well as extremly concerning.

Stand your ground, OP. Nothing wrong with having morals and sticking to them - you have been very direct in the past about how you feel and what your boundaries are. And good for you by sticking up for your nephew. He deserves better and she must know this - probably why she lashed out.

I am really sorry your parents are enabling her and your other siblings. They are probably all a bit jealous or resentful of you so space sounds like a good idea 💐

I've heard of this a few times. I agree with others about families being enablers. It's sick.

You enjoy your peace. And at least go LC with your family.

I hope her dcs are safe though?

That’s incredibly well put. Thank you. It applies to my birth family but I’ve never heard this social peculiarity defined so succinctly before. (Am cutting and pasting this for future use)

Hopefully, you will continue to leave your wallet closed to these "siblings".

I would try to keep up with your parents but go very low contact with your sister and any other family member who is disrespectful.

I’ve had the same problem as yourself for many many years. My younger sister is in her 50’s now but has actively done drugs and alcohol since 13 years old! My Mother always studied my sister and gave her endless amounts of money (enabled her) and made excuses for her drug and alcohol addled brain whilst also turning a blind eye. My sister has never worked so was obviously getting social support plus my mums money plus I know she stole from my mum and pawned her jewellery some of which wasn’t my mothers or sisters to pawn, it was left to my brother and myself years before she came along from grandmother but I didn’t even get to see it! The day my Mother passed away was the day I walked away from my sister and I haven’t had contact since, nor do I want contact, that was over 10 years ago. I know if I had of had a relationship with her she would of been constantly ‘skint’ and would of always been asking me for money, also she lies and doesn’t think twice about telling fairy stories behind your back to suit her own narrative for attention and quite frankly I’m tired of her behaviour. She will never be free of drugs or alcohol and I haven’t the patience for all her drama these days. My advice would be to walk away from your sister until (hopefully) she shows you she’s clean and if that day never comes along you will learn to live without her in your head. As for your parents only you can make that decision if you want to pursue a relationship with them? I used to get so angry with my parents for enabling my sister by keep giving her money and food instead of kicking her arse to the Kirb and encouraging her to get and keep a job. I used to think if she had a job and knew living a life free of her addictions would mean she had to go to work we would of had a better life and relationships but as she prefers to spend her days from 7am off her head then she can do it alone and I’ll close my mind to her existence.

I have a friend who is a police officer and her son is a drug user. She’s been very clear that he cannot bring drugs into their home or use in her presence as it could cost her job. Does your family understand the gravity of the situation? It’s not you being judgy, but rather protecting your career. Nothing unreasonable about that in the slightest!

How were you stopping her from doing drugs when you left so that she could indeed, do drugs?

Ah, well now she’s repositioning the triangle she’s made.

she was way out of order, you told her off - rightly so- and she physically attacked you to the point that you locked yourself in a bathroom for protection

that made you the victim.

so now she’s goaded you into an argument and you took the bait and gave her the row she needed and then you left. She’s now controlling the narrative because you have “shouted at her and stormed out” so now SHE is the victim.

the rest of your family are shit tbh, they’re all enablers and you’re well shot of the lot of them.

make the distance and leave them to it. Ignore any flying monkeys, send them packing and just get on with your life.

im sorry, this situation is shit. I’m NC with my family and I know how it feels to take that peace back, it’s sad that you have to do it, but it’s necessary.