Inheritance vs helping out

[FizzyPopLove]

My mother died and left her five children her house in her will.

She said for one year, her eldest son, my brother, could continue living in the house. He lived with her when she was alive for a bit of rent. After that one year, it was to be agreed between us five siblings what should be done about the house.

It’s now been seven years. He still lives there rent free. We have not pressured him to leave the house so we can realise our inheritance. Perhaps we should. He has bought out one sibling so he now own 2/5s of the house.

The house is really not looked after. He doesn’t seem to see what needs doing. He is resistant to finding a smaller property that is more suitable for him living alone.

My ds has found a job in the same city as the house and I thought it might be a good idea for him to stay in the house too for six months whilst he passes his probation period, saves up some money etc. My brother is reluctant to enable this. He’s worried ds will stay for longer than 6 months. It’s a 3 bed house.

AIBU to be cheesed off? He’s saved up thousands of pounds by not paying rent or a mortgage and the rest of us siblings have all paid mortgages or rent for all of our working lives.

We have been really not pushy about realising our inheritance but I feel he could be open to helping out ds1 in this way?

whether he is neurodivergent or not, he’s a freeloader and is taking the piss. A year of continuing to live in the house was extremely generous and allowed him time to prepare to move. Being neurodivergent is not a free pass to living rent free in a detached house which also belongs to other people. The siblings are all equally entitled to their share and indeed this was their mother’s wish.

Gosh. Lots of conclusions here about my db’s mental health. He isn’t ND.

He works full time still. He is sociable when opportunities arise. He’s fine. Chatty. Friendly. Educated. He’s not isolated. Two siblings live relatively nearby and he sees them regularly.

He’s really not one to take the initiative at all when it comes to moving or even planning a holiday. Effort isn’t his thing.

I suspect he’s quite lazy. Can’t really be bothered with the effort of keeping the gardening in a good state or housework. He knows it has fo be done and complains about it but can’t be arsed to do it much.

I do think he regards the house as his to do with what he wants. I do think it’s cheeky that he doesn’t maintain it well especially since he’s living there rent free for years now.

My other siblings say it’s his home and it’s up to him who he lets live there.

Your brother should have been paying you all rent and you’ve been pushovers for not insisting on it. Can you see a solicitor to talk about whether that’s possible going ahead?

Oh, the irony for being worried that your son might stay longer than 6 months 🤦‍♀️

All I can say is that if he has no mental health issues and still works, benefiting from your inheritance any time soon, will sadly be an uphill struggle.
I do sympathise with your predicament but when two siblings regard the house as his, it makes things very difficult. I wonder how your DS feels about moving in with DB especially if he doesn't want him there and he's obviously significantly older than your DS.
Anyway, my view for what it's worth (and I do have personal experience of this situation) is that nothing will change, life will take its natural course. You or your children will receive a share in the end but it really is best to come to terms with it as soon as possible for your own sanity!
All the best.

The other siblings can afford to, I suppose. Probably you felt you could, or at least it wasn't an urgent enough consideration to weather the hassle, until it got to the stage when you wanted to be able to help DC set themselves up.

It's evidently going to be down to you to push this or not. Your other siblings are choosing the easy life. It seems obvious to me that there's going to be an impact on family relationships whatever happens now, because you can't afford to subsidise both your brother and your son, your brother wants to carry on receiving 100% of the subsidy you have available and your other siblings show no signs of wanting this to be their problem. The only person in the equation this doesn't work for is you, so you'll either bear the burden of doing something to change the situation or of your own understandable resentment.

Is there any possibility of any sibling, be that resident DB or other, buying you out of any of your 20% share? You'd at least be in a better position than you are now if you owned say 10% and had a cash sum. I agree with whoever said upthread that the initially bought out sibling was being very canny there. I can imagine it might have been pretty obvious to more than one family member how this situation was going.

Well OP you need to decide if you’re happy with the status quo or not, because you’ve spent a lot of the thread pushing back on everyone who’s suggested you try and exert your rights in this situation with your brother who is taking the piss.

You keep saying you don’t want to make this about the future of the house and whether your brother keeps living there, but that is the issue at hand and that is your only leverage.

Anyway as I see it, you have three options.

Tell your brother your son is moving in, that you’re exercising your right as a part owner of the house and he can like it or lump it. Then you deal with the fall out from your brother, your other siblings (who don’t support you) and the risk that he makes your son’s life very uncomfortable. He could of course try to block you by changing the locks or taking other measures.

Address the elephant in the room which is the house situation - insist that your brother buys out your 5th, that he starts paying rent, or try to force the sale of the house. You’ll probably need legal advice on this though and as your siblings don’t support you, again this will probably cause a fall out.

Or do nothing. Accept that your brother will keep living rent free in the house until he dies and you and your siblings will eventually inherit if you survive him.

My other siblings say it’s his home and it’s up to him who he lets live there.

They're wrong. But you don't seem to want to do anything about it so I guess he'll just live there alone til he dies.