AIBU - Refusing to hand over documentation?

[FunnyBeaker]

OP has approached me asking to hand over our child’s passport to allow them to use it for cinema trips, as they haven’t got any other form of ID. There is a CO in place which states it’s to be used for holiday purposes only by each parent, nothing of the requested nature. The OP has previously been provided with several copies of multiple passport details, but looses them each time, now they are requesting these yet again as they can’t find them and suddenly want to apply for a driving licence, despite being handed the last copy by a barrister and signing to say they’ve received them! What would you do in this situation? We are 6 weeks out from summer and don’t feel it’s appropriate a child walking round with a passport, which could get lost and I’d be the one left to pay out for it again or having to change any holiday plans. What would you do in this situation?

There are also multiple other ID cards that can be used just to prove age for things like this - much cheaper than a passport or provisional license and less of a worry if lost. Just check what the cinema etc. will accept. They'll also be able to get a student ID from college if moving on in September which lots of places will accept.

My 18yo got turned away from the cinema last week because I told him he’d be fine and shouldn’t bring out a passport. Definitely get them another form of Id and talk to them re drivers licence, this is too much drama for a teenager, but obviously if you’re worried about them leaving the country or whatever I can see why

Just say no?

If the child and/or other parent have repeatedly lost certified copies then FGS don't let them wander around with the actual passport. Either they both (or the child) is careless and/or the other parent is trying to control "ownership" of the passport. If the latter is true I would be concerned about it not being returned for holidays you have booked.

Provisional driving licence is the answer. That's what all the late teen kids round here use for day to day ID. They all have one even if they've no intention or opportunity for driving lessons! Easy to apply for and passport can stsy safely in your filing cabinet or wherever you keep it.

If they only need it for age verification then a citizen card is the answer. https://www.citizencard.com/apply-for-a-uk-id-card-online

Child keeps it in their wallet. Problem solved.

i wouldn’t hand over a passport either. They are an expensive ballache to replace.

Take a picture of passport and text it to other parent won't get lost then will it !!

The teen hasn’t asked for it, the other parent has messaged asking, saying this is the reason.

As others have pointed out, the copies haven’t been looked after and it’s a concern the document would go missing too and we’d be left without it across the holiday period. When I say copies, I mean 4!!! Should we choose to, how could we leave them in the UK and go on holiday without them, as this is unfair on all parties. This isn’t a decision taken lightly, the other parent could have applied for alternative ID in January, but hasn’t.

Or the OP or child themselves can get the recognised ID card via this https://www.postoffice.co.uk/identity/pass-card
It's recognised by cinema, polling stations etc only costs £15

Why don’t you just apply for the child’s provisional driving licence if you don’t want to hand the passport over?

Why should op do this?

Other parent is an adult, they want the id for the child, they can order it.

@FunnyBeaker the only way to do it is other parent pays you the replacement amount while the passport is in her/his possession and is only allowed to have it up to 3 months (or whatever the replacement time is) before a booked holiday. That way if you need to get a new one because s/he has lost it you will be ok.

Your ex cannot be trusted not to lose the original passport, and replacements are hassle to get so do not let it out of your sight,I suspect he wants it to possibly take child out the country,give him 1 more copy,tell him that is the last as he's irresponsible, but also send a pic to wats app. End of no more discussion about it

I noticed there was no mention of DS actually wanting the passport himself OP. But in any case, he can apply for an alternative form of ID and do the work for that himself.

Give the teen a photocopy which will work and tell them they’re responsible for it.

Ask your child what his peers use for ID. In our area there's a specific card you can apply for where the school validates the date of birth, for example. It would be better to turn this into a "my child needs ID" problem rather than a disagreement between parents. I would imagine at 16, your child is quite keen to have recognised ID.

(I agree that carrying a passport around is a bad idea).

You can get them a citizen ID we had to get one for my son to for his season ticket as he looks older and keeps getting pulled and I didn’t want him taking his PP the match with him. Think it was £30

That’s a BS reason to get hands on passport. Cinema staff do not ask for ID for films and haven’t done for years, since people can just order tickets online.

Most places will only accept a driving licence or passport, unfortunately.

@FunnyBeaker Driving licence applications are online so you just need your DC with you and do it together. No need to hand the passport over if they can't be trusted not to lose it.

Give the teenager a photocopy of their passport? If they can't keep that safe I wouldn't want them to have the original document. Or take a photo of it and send it to them.

Is the child male or female?

Is the culture of the father one where questions might be asked about where the child might be taken for a "holiday"?

Just say 'per the court order- nope. Get a copy from the barrister'
Why is the useless person messaging you about such minor stuff? Shut them down.

No need to hand over the passport. I got my DC one of these as they are starting to go to gigs etc alone where you need to be 16+

https://www.postoffice.co.uk/identity/pass-card

Be polite but Insist that other parent apply for alternative ID. You are not their secretary. You take care of the ID you hold. They take care of the ID they hold. Do not enable their incompetence further or you will always be the default administrator.

I would not even send another photo via any other plaform / copy. Let them see you are standing by your word.

No! is a complete sentence.

Cinema is fine with a photo of the passport rather than original. We have done this a couple of times in recent months for just turned 15 year old without issue. No way I'd let my teenager take something as important as a passport to the cinema. Send OP a photo of the passport.

Our local cinema has a huge sign in the window about ID. My younger DC was denied entry to a 15 a few weeks ago at a different cinema after buying a ticket online (they are a young looking 14 and I did warn them!)
So cinemas definitely do ask for ID. But as I said above, get another official one such as a PASS card.

the other parent just needs to pay for a Citizen card, I got DD one when she was 15 so she could go to the cinema.

They do not need their passport.