AIBU - Refusing to hand over documentation?

[FunnyBeaker]

OP has approached me asking to hand over our child’s passport to allow them to use it for cinema trips, as they haven’t got any other form of ID. There is a CO in place which states it’s to be used for holiday purposes only by each parent, nothing of the requested nature. The OP has previously been provided with several copies of multiple passport details, but looses them each time, now they are requesting these yet again as they can’t find them and suddenly want to apply for a driving licence, despite being handed the last copy by a barrister and signing to say they’ve received them! What would you do in this situation? We are 6 weeks out from summer and don’t feel it’s appropriate a child walking round with a passport, which could get lost and I’d be the one left to pay out for it again or having to change any holiday plans. What would you do in this situation?

What’s op? An ex? Current partner? If your teen is using it for driving licence they must be 17? Why do they need id for the cinema, and why would their parent be holding it at that age?

How old is the child? (I assume OP here is Other Parent.)

@ALovelyPinkUnicorn I assume OP is “other parent”.

Agree it is a little confusing as OP usually stands for “original poster”.

I think a photo of a passport for cinema trips would suffice.

You can apply for a provisional licence from 15 years 9 months, and tbh OP it sounds like it would be in your interests for that to happen. Can be done without a passport too, so I'd probably push for that.

Photo of it sent by message to phone.

Ah yes! Brain not switched on yet, auto thought was “original poster’! 😆

Why do they need ID for the cinema?

That sounds like nonsense and a tactic to get hold of the passport for whatever nefarious reason

If they need ID there are other ways to get it

Apologies, OP - parent.

Child has just turned 16 and court order is until they are 18.

A provisional licence sounds like the perfect ID then. Passport details will be needed for the application, but I don't think the actual passport is required. YANBU.

Which cinemas does he tend to go to? Some accept forms of ID other than passport and licence also.

https://help.cineworld.co.uk/support/solutions/articles/103000314195-what-forms-of-id-do-you-accept-for-15-and-18-age-rated-movies-

This is an easily solved problem.

Agree you don’t want anyone, let alone a teenager, wandering round with their passport - far too likely to be lost/stolen/damages.

You have two different issues here though. First one is getting the driver’s licence. That may well require a passport (or at least that may be the easiest form of ID to use). Solution there is that you go with the DC to get the drivers licence and take the passport back at the end of the appointment. Once the DV has that, the whole movie etc issue falls away because the DL can be used for ID.

Second issue is the movies etc. For that for a child too young to have a DL, get them a travel ID card with their age on it. I assume you aren’t in London as any child over 12 needs a Zip card to take the tube at child’s fares, so if you lived here you’d have it already. But I don’t think you need to live in London to get one - eg you might get one just because you are going to have a trip to London. If there isn’t an equivalent in your area, do that. My DC’s has photo, name, DO , etc and is a perfectly acceptable form of ID. Go to the TFL website and it’s easy to apply.

DS had needed his passport in the past for cinema ID if going to see a 15 rated film.

Sounds like applying for a provisional license is a good idea then your teen will always have ID that is easy to keep on them.

I think you are being a tad disingenuous referring them as a child tbh. They’re a teen and it is common for teens to need to use ID. If you don’t want to hand over the passport then you need to let them get another form of ID.

Bad advice! Do not hand over the passport!!!
Apply for a provisional driving licence for the 16yo. They will need it soon enough for gigs, festivals etc, and probably eventually driving and pubs. But it's their ID, for them to look after, not their other parent's!

So you think OP (original poster) should ignore the Court Order that is in place until 18? I don't agree. The Court Order was made for a reason, not just on a whim.

There's a court order for a reason so I'd signpost that or ignore the request and let them approach their lawyer.

Given the child in question is 16, I would have a conversation with them. I would expect a 16yo to be capable of looking after their own passport but also to recognise it's a big responsibility. Eg, if you have a booked holiday requiring a passport I would explain i want to hang onto it until then.

I would also be having a conversation with them about a provisional driving licence to see if that would better meet the ID needs.

No matter how responsible the teenager is, and even leaving aside anything potentially dodgy about the other parent wanting the passport, I wouldn’t recommend anyone wandering round with their passport every time they want to go to the movies. Far too likely to be lost or stolen or damaged by a leaking water bottle, getting bent in a bag or pocket, etc. Passports are expensive and difficult to replace, especially ones for under 18s as you need the photo verified by someone in a recognised profession. And if it gets lost right before trip, under 18s can’t use the one day replacement service. Keep in mind that the OP hasn’t been able to take care of a photocopy of the passport - why trust him/the teenager with the actual thing?!

To add, I wouldn't be handing the passport to the other parent. There's a court order in place for a reason plus their motives are untrustworthy and they dont seem very responsible. (If they are likely to put pressure on the 16yo, I wouldn't give it to the 16yo either, contrary to my other post.)

The driving licence you apply for on line, just sit down with your DC and the passport apply for the driving licence. I’d is sorted then for anything else problem solved in about 5mins.

RTFT

Tell OP to go back to court or their barrister. Do not give passport

Help teen get their provisional driving licence.