To not like suggesting meet ups in group WhatsApp?

[summerstarts]

I am in a group WhatsApp and have been since ds was a baby with other mums. We used to meet very regularly but as the children have got older it’s tapered out a bit; understandable but we’ve now nearly six years of shared history, had two holidays together and been to weddings and parties and shared a lot. So I guess what I’m saying is these aren’t friendships that started on maternity leave and fizzled once we were all back at work.

However, if I ever suggest doing anything I get some responses which I can only describe as a bit … pompous. Sort of ‘why thank you for your invitation but I am afraid as a family we have decided to stay in this weekend.’ Other responses seem almost affronted ‘oh god no I can’t think of anything worse’ which are probably meant to be humorous but can be a bit hurtful to be honest. (I get that tone can be misplaced over text.)

The obvious conclusion to draw is not to suggest anything but then we’d never meet, and the friendships will fizzle which is a shame.

I know it’s probably just one of those silly things that I should get over but I do find stuff like this really bothers me.

I’ve had a few Facebook memories recently of photos of me out with my baby group friends from ten-ish years ago. At that point we’d known each other for about 6 years. Out of the ten or so in the group, I count one as one of my closest friends. The other I never see. Some moved away, some just drifted. But if you told me ten years ago that we wouldn’t still be firm friends now, I wouldn’t have believed you.

It does make me sad but at the same time it’s just what happens. I think it’s tricky when you reach the point of knowing it’s drifting but not really bring sure how to manage it.

I know, sometimes the dynamics change when another child arrives or they all start the same school together. Can you try to meet a new group of mums via your younger one? Playgroup? There are often local mums’ buggy walks/coffees advertised on Facebook and Meetups that might be worth looking into as those are specifically about connecting mums, rather than entertaining the kids?

It’s surprisingly hard to get friendships to go beyond casual chats at playgroups and the like! I do go to them but I’ve never really made longstanding friends; loads of acquaintances though.

I do tend to stay loyal to friends but I also do get it that life just moves on sometimes and this isn’t personal.

I have a WhatsApp friendship group now where we never meet up but the group has become its own online entity and suits us fine. Maybe that’s what this has become. I like it, all the jokes and support without having to meet

Yes one moved away and everyone works now. So meetups are rare. Then dates dont suit. It fizzles out.

So do you meet up when other people suggest it, does it feel like it’s only
you they say no to?
I also wonder if last minute plans (aka cinema on Sunday) don’t work well for that group and things need to be planned a few weeks in advance?

It does feel that way, but I could be misinterpreting or misunderstanding.

I asked yesterday, and so it’s nearly a week away. I don’t mind at all people not being able to make it, it’s the nature of the responses I’m slightly put out at.

Sounds like hard work. I'd probably say I'm leaving the group chat if anyone wants to meet up sometime feel free to message.
I'm in a group chat with some women but we meet up (for meals mainly) I'd leave the chat if they didn't bother. It's mainly 3 of us who suggest meeting but we're the most outgoing. Plus some of my friends often come too. We all get on well. I feel lucky to have these women in my life.
I don't know why but people have become so unsociable? People blame covid but surely it can't just be that? I know the cost of living doesn't help. But people can go for a walk and take a flask. There's so many ways to meet up for free or cheap.
Tearing people away from their big tvs seems such a chore.

@summerstarts I hope you have other friends in your life. If not maybe start trying to find some? There's a lot of social groups on Facebook and of course meet up.