To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

My response should have said walking not working! I also agree with others that you do sound a bit childish in your answers.

if you are on HRT and going through menopause there is a greater risk of oesteoporosis. You of course can do what you like it’s your body, but we do only get one of them and please don’t make your friends feel uncomfortable when they talk about their weight training and fitness journey because you don’t like or want it. You strike me as someone who would do this and it’s very discouraging for them.

So what do you suggest people start off with? Nobody is going to walk into a gym and immediately start lifting heavy weights. When I’ve done YouTube dumbbell workouts for example I’ve started off with 2/3kg weights and even those felt heavy for some of the exercises, particularly towards the end. But you’re scoffing at a poster using 8kg which tbh makes me feel like I may as well not even bother trying. Obviously the idea is to lift heavy weights and to progressively increase the weight, but where do you suggest people start?

What is heavy depends on the person exercising and of course also the exercise. Nobody does the same for lateral raises than deadlifts. Or at least they should not be doing it. (I tried a class at my gym recently, instructor claimed it was bodypump. It was not, was homemade where he literally used the same weight throughout the class, whether it was biceps curls or squats. This makes no sense, if you can biceps curl it then it won't be heavy enough for legs.)

So if you are starting, first yes you need to figure out what weights you need. I would highly recommend some kind of app or at least write the weights down, otherwise you won't remember. You can do heavier with less reps or little lighter with more reps - but unless you get very seriously into in, recent large studies show that the differences in outcome are not that significant that you would need to obsess over 6-8 or 10-12 range.

So get an app or ask ChatGPT for a beginner program. I personally like the push/pull/leg day split, other people prefer other options. As a beginner, I would ask for full body days to get started. Then just try the weights. Can't lift it for more than a couple times? Go lighter. Can keep going for 20+ reps and still not tired? Go heavier. Want to use machines but don't know how - ask, most gym people are happy to help.

Heavy means heavy for you, for that exercise. Guidance varies but let's say 4-6 repetitions and you're done. Proper fucked, can't do another (with correct form) until you've rested a couple of minutes.

It's so variable - I do squats with 40kg on the bar but flip my body backwards and do essentially the same movement on the leg press machine, 130kg. It's impossible to know what to advise someone else.

I also think it's a bit risky to go in heavy straight away, too easy to injure yourself if you're not doing the exercise correctly.

My advice would always be to book an introductory session at a gym or with a PT. Even if you just do it once to get yourself started - but if you're committed to lifting heavy, it won't be long before you progress to a point where a few dumbbells etc at home just won't be enough.

This is the reason why I've been running once a week for 6 years. If I didn't run, I wouldn't see my running partner & I really enjoy our chats and putting the world to rights (though after about 15 mins I can't talk much!)

The "NHS resources" argument runs extremely wide and would include gym buffs who overdid it and hurt themselves because, I don't know, some shouty, accusatory and imperious person who loves exclamation marks had a go at them for working at a lower level because they weren't ready for heavier weights and hurt themselves. And I actually don't believe you when you say you transform couch potatoes with your "cold hard facts", if your approach is how you conduct yourself here. This is largely a fantasy. It's not how people generally get real wake up calls and feel inspired to change, it just satisfies the egos of those who do the shouting. If someone is made to feel shit or inadequate, they're less likely to try to improve.

I actually agree with encouraging exercise for health benefits but something about your "or gain my personal disapproval !!!!!11!!!" attitude almost makes me want to cancel tonight's class and start mainlining doughnuts (which I don't even like).

Well some people do! I know it looks daunting but don’t rule it out, 30 mins on google and you could do it. But I’d suggest (in order of efficiency)
work with a PT (most expensive, not accessible for all)
a free session with a PT/gym instructor to learn how to use the machines and weights, which almost all gyms offer. then find a plan on Google or ChatGPT - I’d recommend starting with either 2 whole body days, 3 days push/pull/legs, or 4 days w 2 upper 2 lower
go to a body pump class a couple of times a week

if you want anymore info or help with your plan let me know. Very very happy to help those who want to be helped 👍🏻

Yeah I’m sure it’s my post that makes you want to eat doughnuts 🙄 always someone else’s fault isn’t it. I already said it’s not about my personal disapproval, it’s not me who will be in your body when you’re old! And yes this approach does get clients when it’s people who didn’t understand what they were doing and like sensible rational adults, change their mind when presented with facts showing otherwise. They are the most rewarding to work with tbh.

Of course being shouty, accusatory and imperious makes people feel contrary. It's not a good approach. I know you're going to insist that you transformed people by barking stuff they already knew at them and having a go because you didn't approve of their existing routine, but anyone who had a PT session booked was already in the mindset to make changes. I just hope you didn't put too many of them off by acting the way you're acting now. Some absolutely awful PT stories out there.

Hopefully you do regulate better in real life. A lot of Internet big shots do.

As a matter of interest, what age are you?

Mid 30s.

Thought so.

I’m qualified in pre and post natal, ageing populations, and CPD in menopausal women, so not sure why my age is important

You clearly havent read much that I’ve said, not surprising. I’m not a shouty PT in the slightest, which I’ve already said, and I also said I’ve obtained clients by informing people of the consequences - they weren’t already booked in. The way I’m ‘acting now’ I’m not here touting for clients, I love working with the petulant but some of you lot would make me nauseous, it does knock me sick seeing how blase you are about your health and you clearly feel some sense of superiority smarmily acting like a PT trying to reason with you would put you off doing something you weren’t doing anyway 🙄 hope you also see the light and get yourself healthier, not with me.

The best part of this post is that you've no idea how funny it is. I hear laughing is actually good for your abs, definitely good for your mental health, so there's been some benefit.

If you decide on a career change but want to stay in the health industry, I hear they're looking to replace Nurse Ratched.

@TheBlueDeer

Trying not to join the pile on, but I was seething about this as I went to bed last night. The kind of 'FFS fatty - just get on with it' PE-teacher type of patronising tone is just what puts people off going to gyms.

You say: VO2 max ... bit of cardio... lift heavier weight or perform more reps each week... eat a bit more protein... do something that gets you out of breath... It's really not that complicated.

But it IS complicated. And for those of us who want to do as little as possible but prevent hideous old age, a 'quick Google' can bring up a myriad options.

Lift so heavy you can only do six
No, lift so you can do until about 12
Actually just lift anything, it doesn't matter.

Do cardio.
Don't do too much cardio as it raises cortisol in menopausal women and makes fat hard to shift.
Walking is fine as cardio
Walking is useless unless you go uphill
Steady state cardio is useless - you need to do sprints

Oh and don't forget mobility
Just practise getting out of a chair
No, sit on the floor all the time
Deep resting squat is what you need
No, that's unrealistic for most people

Do yoga, tai chi, lymphatic flow, CARS etc etc etc

Just do anything, don't just sit there. But no - not that, and not like this.

Analysis paralysis is a thing. Exercise IS complicated, and it IS boring. So the natural result can be doing nothing, wringing hands and feeling guilty.

All you keen exercisers here - anyone got a magic mirror? The advert pops up every time I open my socials, and I’m tempted to give it a go! It’s quite expensive though so would be great if anyone has got a review, good or bad! Supposedly 1/3 off at the moment.

No you don't need to care about Vo2 Max. The only reliable way of getting it measured is in a laboratory, and most people do not have the time, inclination or money to bother doing this.

for the vast majority of people, they just have to find an an activity they enjoy or can otherwise incorporate into their lives (e.g., walking/cycling to work), and do it 3-5 times a week for at least 30 mins. That's it. Everything else is window dressing.

@herbaceous it's not limited to exercise though. Potatoes are a superfood! No, potatoes are basically sugar cubes wearing a vegetable costume. Drink coffee - coffee will kill you dead! Yes sure we can make anything complicated.

To make it simple:Healthy adults should perform progressive resistance training to improve muscle function, size, and physical performance. That one is not controversial and all studies agree on this.
Equipment type (machines vs free weights), exercise complexity, structure etc are not really that important. Difference between a good program and a perfect program is tiny compared with the difference between training consistently and not training consistently.

Interesting, it might be your natural result to do nothing, mine was ‘this is really important so I want to find out exactly what I need to do so I’m going to spend the time making sure I know’. And I’m not alone in that. It’s easier to just give up though for sure.

You can measure it reasonably on a smart watch. I advise clients with one to keep an eye and try to keep it above 30. Clients without, aim to get out of breath a couple of times a week - same effect.

This is an excellent post. I'm proud of myself for running about 15k a week across 3 runs.for the past year. According to The Internet it'll make me hungry and fat, ruin my knees; I should just walk more, or lift my own body weight 4 times a week, or train for a half marathon...and so on.

I do exercise and lift weights. But feel constantly inadequate and judged, and as if I'm doing it wrong. The whole environment makes me want to cry, and I can't be near anyone else due to intense shame.

So I've picked the middle way.

I don’t need a career change, my fitness company is doing really well. Luckily more people are increasingly caring more about their health :)

Maybe someday it will do so well you'll stop feeling compelled to act like you currently do.