How insistent should one be that 12yr old boy washes properly?

[aneveningatthecricket]

Son is 12, nearly 13. He is getting stinky arm pits but his hair is getting quite skanky.
Im like a dog with a bone regarding asking/telling him to wash his hair, clean his ears etc but I am definitely losing the battle.
I’m pretty much ignored if I’m honest with myself. He’ll come out of the bath or shower with dry hair. He never smells ‘fresh’.

Should I absolutely insist he washes thoroughly, including hair or should I just let it go? Honestly, I’m at the point where I’m on the verge of giving up and leaving him to it.

The thing is, it’s the same story with making his bed or brushing his teeth.
His dad doesn’t really see a problem and couldn’t care less if son doesn’t make his bed and wouldn’t notice if he didn’t wash his hair for a week/month.

I’m not over the top with my requests, just basic self care. He’s not depressed or anything like that.

YABU to let it go and give up trying or

YANBU to absolutely insist on standards and start giving consequences if he doesn’t comply

Really doesn’t surprise me. They need a flannel and soap and to learn how to actually wash their bum!

I wouldn't want him teased at school and wouldn't want him to be in pain and have to go through lots of horrible dental stuff so I would make him.
Easier said than done I know.

my DS is 8 and a half and showers every day. when he was 8 it was probably every other day so roughly 3 times a week but now it is daily. he did complain in the beginning for about a week but it is better to be clean rather than get bullied for being smelly.

same with teeth, its just part of his daily routine to brush teeth. i will put the toothpaste on the brush but otherwise leave him to brush his teeth in the bathroom (which he defo does as he follows me into the bedroom brushing his teeth!) same with deodrant i will leave it out and he does this before brushing his hair.
in the evening, he showers first before DH then I shower last. its just part of the same routine so becomes normal.

My son will either have 2 baths a day, or i have to tell him 50 times to have a bath.

But, i have to remind him to actually get washed as well, and not just sit in the warm water.

unwashed body is vile and as a teacher 1 or 2 boys smelt so much it made me physically heave. You need to insist and as others have said. No WiFi etc until he washes, it’s not fair on others that they should have to smell him!

Absolutely - if he's not washing his pits, he's probably not doing down there - which is basic and important hygiene - the obvious lead/responsibility for this is his father. Is his dad's own hygiene OK? 🤔

And there is the issue " you ask" You are his parent so should ask once and once only then it moves onto " you tell" him. We are not here to be best buddies. You have a choice, be a parent or let him do as he pleases.

Yes insist on it or he will get stuck in this habit of being a stinky adult.

I was very much choose your battles I let some things go, like making the bed every day but brushing teeth and showering properly every single day was not negotiable.

Yesss! I couldn’t remember his name! The guy is absolutely hilarious ❤️

If he's not allowed normal things a teen would have ie phones and screens he's probably rebelling .

He’s not, he’s very happy with all life offers without screens - there is life outside of screens believe it or not.

(so that we don’t derail into a discussion about screens, he fills his life with Sport/cadets/farming/tractors/animals/school/outdoors/reading/chopping logs/his compact tractor, amongst all sorts of other things he finds to do, his current passion is blacksmithing of all thing, not every kid likes or needs a screen! )

Sounds like a cool kid.

And with all that activity no wonder he needs the odd shower!

keep up the good fight - you’ll win in the end…

Good luck OP -
clearly an active kid and needs hygiene to match -
keep up the pressure and hopefully his young brain will get on board and take over the habits you instill !!

This might not be the best way but if my dc ever didn’t shower properly I always told them of how they don’t want to be known as the smelly kid at school because that is all they will be known for and a tag they will never shake off. and that I can still remember the names of kids who smelled at school. I know that’s unfair On kids who genuinely can’t help it.

What’s “intimate” about washing your hair and your armpits?!

I’ve got 2 of them, 12 & 14 long hair long daily showers and omg the amount of stuff they use. My biggest peeve though is they use all these products, splash them around and don’t wash the bath out afterwards ( shower over bath), so I’m constantly nearly breaking my neck slipping on stuff when I get in.

OP pick your battles, making the bed isn’t a big deal, personal hygiene is, maybe less nagging in other areas and focus on what’s important.

I think she’s referring to keeping his dick clean.

Screens and phones are not "normal" for a teen.

"Normal" for a 12 year old should be clubs, having fun with friends.

Teens who sit on phones and screens are so dull.

@aneveningatthecricket just keep up the battle. Explain nicely that he really doesn't want to get a reputation of being smelly.

When I last had a Y8 form group, I had to have the deodorant vs antiperspirant talk and point out to many of the boys that spraying themselves with vast quantities of Lynx was just covering up the bad smell rather than solving it, so they need to shower/wash daily and use antiperspirant as well as their Lynx!!

I feel so lucky my 15 year old has always been keen to not stink, but the younger two aren't quite so good!