How insistent should one be that 12yr old boy washes properly?

[aneveningatthecricket]

Son is 12, nearly 13. He is getting stinky arm pits but his hair is getting quite skanky.
Im like a dog with a bone regarding asking/telling him to wash his hair, clean his ears etc but I am definitely losing the battle.
I’m pretty much ignored if I’m honest with myself. He’ll come out of the bath or shower with dry hair. He never smells ‘fresh’.

Should I absolutely insist he washes thoroughly, including hair or should I just let it go? Honestly, I’m at the point where I’m on the verge of giving up and leaving him to it.

The thing is, it’s the same story with making his bed or brushing his teeth.
His dad doesn’t really see a problem and couldn’t care less if son doesn’t make his bed and wouldn’t notice if he didn’t wash his hair for a week/month.

I’m not over the top with my requests, just basic self care. He’s not depressed or anything like that.

YABU to let it go and give up trying or

YANBU to absolutely insist on standards and start giving consequences if he doesn’t comply

He needs to fully wash or else his phone/games etc are removed for a day each time. If that doesn’t work they’re removed for a week. It is important that he washes because I will not live with a smelly person. That is unfair.

Otherwise he will become a stinky adult.

Assuming he’s not discovered girls then? When I was that age, I kept myself immaculate despite lots of sport because no girl wanted a manky, smelly lad. But you just don’t want to be known as that smelly kid.

He needs to get a sense of pride.

I watched a reel of a comedian recently that has this problem. He told the boy next shower he has, he was washing him. Long story short, after one thorough washing by his father, he now has a clean child 😂

Cleaning none negotiable.

I made dc wear swim trunks and supervised washing. Twice and he got the message to wash himself

You need to cut the wifi for your son.

You need to read the riot act to your H.

You are living with a pair of pigs who have no self respect or respect for you.

'I love you too much to let your teeth rot / to let you go out smelling like a football sock'. Mine found a way to argue with almost anything, but you can't argue with love..

I did also point out that he would be the first to complain if one of us smelt like a hot fart and he did have to concede that it was unfair to inflict his stink on anyone else!

My son, now 16. Wasn't keen on washing his hair or showering for awhile. For his hair, I started asking if he wanted me to wash it in the sink. He agreed to that and I also bought him some decent shampoo for his curls. As for showering I would walk by and whisper to him "I think you need a shower and put those clothes down in the laundry room" Didn't work every time but it did work.

My 12 year old is the same. I make him but it's exhausting and stressful. My 15 year old used to be the same but he discovered girls eventually and then he started washing.

My son was like this at this age. It really was a phase because after a while the skanky hormones declined and the sex hormones clearly increased, he started noticing girls as more than mates... Couldn't keep him out of the shower. All the body sprays he'd accumulated from Christmas gifts seemed to fill the house with a choking fug.

Eventually there was a happy medium.

This IS the hill to die on. What child wants to be the smelly one at school? None. So protect your child from himself!

The rule in my house is no one leaves unless they’re clean with brushed teeth and hair. If they’re running late I’ll help (lifts etc) but there are minimum standards and that’s mine. You wash, use deodorant and clean/brush teeth and hair.

This has been discussed very calmly and agreed with DD 19 and DS 15 since pre-puberty and then enforced firmly later on. As I said, no kid wants the social suicide of being known as the ‘smelly’ one.

I am actually very relaxed overall as a parent, this is an agreed standard in our house though and I will never change it.

Haha same.

My daughter was similar too. Body odour like a brick layer during a heatwave.
Of course I'd encourage her to shower, had to show her how to pull shower head down and tie her very long thick hair up so it didn't get wet, but in spite of having her own deodorant in her room, I think she just forgot to put it on.

Then it was showering every night, different deodorants and body sprays, facial skin care, the dentist always praised her on her teeth.

If they're all the same at a certain age probably none of them bother.

surely you start at age 3 when they start being in the tub by themselves. coming out of the tub (then later shower) nightly you sniff and reinforce if they've done a good job.
it's not something you start at age 13.

Yes but adorable little three year olds LOVE a bath and can't wait to get all bubbly. Wannabe skanky teens suddenly realise they have bodily autonomy and sometimes take it a bit far when it comes to avoiding the boring parts of growing up.

I also found that having a Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom helped as then they can listen to podcasts or music to help them through the sheer boredom of showering! 🚿🧽🧼