To want to start the day with a tidy house???

[GahGahGahGah]

DP and I have a two year old who hates bedtimes. I do about 90% of them. It usually lasts from 7pm to 9pm. DP uses that time to go on his phone and watch films. He gets up at 6am and leaves at 7am, which is when we get up.

It means I either have to tidy up after 9pm, when I would like to relax too, or more commonly first thing in the morning, when I am getting ready for work and getting DC ready for nursery.

AIBU to be pissed off about this, daily??

2 year olds go to this point where they don't need a lunchtime but can't quite make it to 7pm.
roll with it

Useless DH aside I would just either have her downstairs until starting bedtime at 8:30 or cut out her nap and go for earlier. If she's downstairs you can't quite relax in the same way but dh and you could swap between tidying and cooking and doing something calm with her like colouring or jigsaws etc. Don't stress yourself out by battling for 2 hours every night that's craziness for all involved. If a bath every night is too hard then hop in the shower and shower yourself with her or do every other day.

I personally care about clean more than neat. My mum was a neat freak. Neither viewpoint is unreasonable, She just enjoyed things being a certain way, like J K Rowling's description of Mrs Dursley giving everything a nightly wipedown! Doesn't make you a bad person, just accept he prefers things a different way from you.

Where is your child while you wfh?

What an odd comment.

It literally says in the OP that the child goes to nursery.

A 2 year old doesn’t need that every night, she doesn’t. Need a bath each day, nor her nails cut, just jammies on , brush teeth story bed. Take it in turns to do.

I think all kids should be bathed daily. That's how you don't have a 12 year old who won't wash like in another thread going on.

Oh right, then. I think there is more time in the day for OP to get on top of things. They should all be cleaning up after themselves. A cleaner might help the situation, too. If the child isnt at home playing all day, where is all this mess coming from?

It's often simple things like not washing up while you cook so youre only left with minimal stuff at the end. Dishwashers have caused that. People say they make life easier but you just end up with a machine load of not quite clean stuff to unload before you put the other bunch in that is cluttering up the sides. It makes more work.

The bath isn’t the problem, it’s almost certainly the long drawn out not going to sleep/ getting out of bed that’s the issue.
There’s nothing wrong with bathing children every night, there’s really no reason not to, particularly as most adults wash themselves daily.

Why one earth should OP be doing all the cleaning while doing her job just so the DH can sit on his arse every night for 2 hours?

We are well aware that the majority of the mess is family life, dinner, endless laundry etc not mess she’s creating during her work day.

why have you asked this ??? 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I don't see how 3 people create that much mess when the toddler is out of the house all day. As I said, they should all be cleaning up after themselves. It seems like the whole house needs a new ethos on how to manage the home. Nobody seems very domesticated in this situation.

Agree! I work from home while my 2 year old is at nursery. I might get a wash on, and prep some bits for dinner but that’s about it! The mess is made from 6-8.30 when we are all in, cooking, eating and playing.

Because honestly? When I wfh, it's meetings. I have time between meetings. Enough time to eat, play, and do a few things around the house. Especially when the kids arent in.

No one said it was an obscene amount of mess, it’s most likely normal family life, having to put on a wash or hang up the wash that was put on earlier, fold the washing and put away, sort DC’s clothes for school, make a packed lunch, stack the dishwasher, clean the table and kitchen, a light hover and put away the toys DC have been playing with. All the normal things that need to be done and can’t be done during the day when two parents work FT.

I’m not really sure how you’ve decided they live in filth and have no ability to anything. Your comprehension of this whole post is quite lacking.

So even with ASD/ADHD children, you need to at least explore letting them et bored and entertain themselves. Assuming they have games, lego, anbox of crafts, books or the tv, they should be able to while away an hour or so in unstructured activity without a parent. It is like when they had to learn to self-sooth an get to sleep alone as babies.

It is really important for cognitive development, self esteem, resilience that you create space for a child to be bored and have to solve the problem of ‘what to do with themselves’ without your input. Reframe it as necessary for him, rather than as neglectful of you - and grit your teeth and tell him to go and find something to do. Both of mine are AuDHD - this created space for them to focus on their current passions, even from 5 or 6y old they got lost in lego or duplo or drawing (we didn’t know about ASD/ADHD at the time, so no pandering or excusing).

I spoke extensively about how dishwashers ultimately create more work. It's best to wash plates and everything else as you go. This is what I mean about a new ethos.

My best friend never believed me about the dishwasher thing until she moved to a house without one and saw that it created much more work overall. With the Maintainence, redoing things it doesnt do properly and the stacking/unstacking that isnt ever done in a timely fashion so you've constantly got a backlog in a busy house.

My other friend has got 2 full size dishwashers to achieve the same goal of not having things constantly cluttering the sides waiting to go in or a machine waiting to be emptied.

As you eat and take your plate to the sink and wash it, you also wash off the table where you just were and tidy it up. If everyone does this kind of thing, the place will be a lot tidier.

It's not her bedtime routine, it's her child's bedtime routine.

Some children are difficult to get to sleep and they are, anyone who cares would ensure that the difficult task is rewarded with a tidy AND clean house.

kids should not be around when you are wfh full stop
the op has not asked anything about her wfh job she has asked about evening time after work when her husband is home
not everyone is as lucky as you to be able to do housework during work either

I was ensuring that it wasn't a situation where the kid was home while she was wfh.

I am answering as to how there can be less to do after 9pm at night which would go a long way towards solving the problem.

Absolutely drop the nap! I know thats not your original question but bedtime shouldnt take thst long. You need to alternate bedtime. Neither of sit down until our toddler is asleep and house is tidy.

@TheHateUGive couldn’t agree less, I’ve been without dishwashers at various times due to moving, it breaking, holiday stay etc and I would not choose to live without one. It wouldn’t save me less time at all.
I find it crazy that anyone could wash dishes properly in less time than it takes to put them in a dishwasher.

As you eat and take your plate to the sink and wash it
This works when you are an adult living alone, it doesn’t always work with young kids particularly in the evening when they are tired and need you for various things.

Regardless, your being obtuse, the issue quite clearly isn’t the housework, it’s the division of labour and all of your suggestions seem to revolve around OP just doing most things, being the one to deal with DC and squeezing in every domestic task into other times of her day.

I don’t know how anyone can read this thread and think the dishwasher is the problem rather than grown man sitting in his phone for two hours while his wife sorts their child 😅.

There would be less to do after 9pm if OP’s husband tidied up while she was putting their child to bed. Why would you try and think of ways the OP can fit more into her day when her husband is spending 2 hours watching films and playing on his phone?